The Greblit? A vile, dispicable little creature. Although don't tell him that or you'll find yourself eating your shins. Incidentally, he's also our letters man. And his address is thegreblit@yahoo.co.uk, should you be up for a bit of abuse.

Dear Sir/Madam (yes, both of you),
Earlier today I was perusing that sordid den of filth and degradation, the so called "'Zine Twidgery". To begin with, I found no worse than the normal lowbrow humour that is commonly found in the turgid backwaters of geocities, but I suddenly came upon something that shocked me to my core. I am compelled to protest by every shred of decency and self-respect I have within me. You, Mr. Galderhat, have blatantly and unfeelingly wounded my dignity, invaded my privacy and done irreparable damage to my professional reputation. I was warned that fame would have its price, but I never expected something like this so soon. You, sir, are the lowest kind of cheap pornographer. To callously put my face onto the body of a scantily clad dancer and put the resulting debauchery on the internet for the titillation of your sleazy clientele, is a serious violation of my rights. You should consider yourselves very fortunate that I do not demand material compensation, but in the event of another such occurence, I shall be forced to take legal action. I do demand, however, that the offending article of smut be removed from the public eye immediately.
Yours sincerely,
Ben Frazer
P.S. you are aware that thegreblit@yahoo.com is not functioning? I do not like to bring such distateful matters as the above into a personal light.

The Greblit replies:
Ah, how nice of Fate to deal me a well composed, grammatically correct letter for my first foray into the vile world of the voice of the general public. Which leads me to actually want to address your letter in a serious and levelheaded manner rather than hurl imaginative and graphic abuse at you. So this one's delegated to that soft nonce Galder Weatherwax's Hat while I go have a lie-down and sprout some fresh bitterness:
"Firstly, Geocities, despite its evil, should be spelled with a capital 'g'. But since you managed to include the wondrous words 'turgid' and 'debauchery', I'm willing to let that one go.
"Secondly, your somewhat worryingly pretentious description of yourself as famous is something that I find both worrying and pretentious. As I recall, your resume of past responsibilities and achievements list little more than tennis court attendant, accomplished gamesmaster in a few RPGs and lead role in a school play. Please don't take offence, as I am not implying that you did anything less than an excellent job in any role, merely that these are not the things that fame is made of, nor the ingredients for any overly impressive or useful 'professional reputation'.
"Oh, and call my site a 'sordid den of filth and degradation' or describe the humour as lowbrow again and I shall knee your knackers right up through your intestines and out the back of your throat.
"Hehehe, 'titillation', hehehe...
"Ahem. And I'm none too pleased with your pornographer slur either. By all means make your complaints and opinions heard, but please refrain from resorting to such childish name-calling and personal slander in future. You big wozzer.
"Now to actually deal with your complaint. I would like to bring to your attention the fact that the 'Dancy Ben' animation in question has in fact brought a lot of happiness to a lot of people. To request restriction of circulation of this gif file, and therefore prevent it from ever again raising a smile/bringing a family back together/re-uniting Northern Ireland, would be an extremely selfish act on your part, and one which I wish to play no part in. I shall therefore continue to promote Dancy Ben, and hope that you can come to terms with it and not only enjoy the animation itself, but feel good that through this use your powerful and inspiring visage the world is a brighter place.
"Regarding your PS, thank you for bringing this to my attention. The address is in fact thegreblit@yahoo.co.uk, and I personally take full responsibility for this and the similarly faulty link to Rare's website on the main page. Both problems have been rectified and Little Miss Clara has duly disciplined me. Whether or not those two events are related or just a happy coincidence remains to be seen."
Well there it is. A load of standard gibberish with nothing achieved other than a disgusting image of the two webmasters in my head. Oh, and don't no-one get the wrong impression. While I was quite civil in dealing with this letter (such as I did), the minute I start receiving pap along the lines of 'HeY gUyZ!!!!11! uR sItE ROOOOOLZ LOL!!!11# BuT tHe GrIbLeT iS, GAY?!?!?!' from cretins with addresses like 'ilikblink182_2002_bigtits@aol.com', the limbs are going to fly...