CRICKETS

Chirp chirp chirp.

Quiet...the forest can be dangerous at night!

Good evening folks, I'm Jungle Gawl. And this is...

Van. Wild Van.

Was that supposed to be a James Bond reference? It was pretty lame.

Oh be quiet. Jungle Gawl and I are here tonight in the forests of Middle-Earth, ladies and gentlemen.

We're bringing to you live the latest episode in our famous nature documentary.

There are all sorts of amazing creatures around in the forest at night.

Right now we can hear the fascinating sound of the wolverine spider cricket.

Cheep cheep cheep. Hehe, this is fun!

Sam! Less talking, more cheeping!

And just listen to the subtle beauty of the mating call of the barn owl!

...

Psst! You're on!

Remind me again why I'm doing this.

We pay in ammo!

Right. {sigh} (hoot).

Um, couldn't hear you...

Hoot. Bloody HOOT already! Forget it, you two are insane. I'm half-tempted to burn this whole forest to the ground.

Behold the barn owl, one of nature's most feared animals.

But tonight we bring you the most fearsome, the most terrifying, the most horrible wilderness sight of all.

For you our viewers, we will risk life and limb to present you with:

The ranger in its natural habitat.

{snore}

Just look at it lying there, seemingly harmless.

But the horrid sound it makes in sleep is nothing compared to the petrifying threats it utters in the daylight hours.

Gnnn..huh? Gawl, Van...it's three in the morning!

The stuffed bear it clutches is most likely a trophy from an earlier kill, perhaps a defenseless cub or a small child.

Arwen gave me this teddy bear. What are you...hey, is that a camera? What are you doing?

When startled, the ranger's instinctive reaction is to bluster and make threats in order to force its adversaries to leave its territory.

We're not supposed to start filming the first TV short until tomorrow! And...HEY! GET OUT OF MY BEDROOM!

Bleeeeech...the ranger foolishly sleeps without any of his protective coverings...

It's a horrible sight, ladies and gentlemen!

I'M GOING TO KILL YOU TWO!

We're back in the forest now, moving at high speeds...{hff hff}...to avoid the wrath of the ranger we've provoked.

We need to sign off...{huff huff}...but we hope you'll join us for...{huff huff}...the second Council...

Gawl! Less talking, more running! {huff huff}

GRRRRRAAAAAAAAH!!!