Generator's Log, Dimension Date 3.14159265. Team Red is in Middle Earth, exploring the forest of Dorkwood while--
It's Mirkwood, not Dorkwood, you great goof.
Whatever. Do I look like a mapmaker to you?
In polite company I can't share what you look like.
Be quiet, will you? I'm trying to scout here.
Generator's Log, supplemental. Red team's paintball ordinance is locked and loaded, and reconnaissance is proceeding according to--
You know, I'm too beautiful to be a dork, but even if I were, at least I don't talk to logs.
It's not logs, O Manicured One, it's the Log, my journal and personal expository device. We wouldn't want to creep through the forest without giving the audience some idea of what we're doing, right?
Hi folks!
Shut up, both of you!
Yeah, wave more quietly, moron!
Wave this, baka-kun. {thunk}
Owwww! That was my log recorder!
Any sign of them, Aragorn?
Yes, Red Team passed this way recently...let me read the signs.
'Mount Doom, 45,947,325,982,345 inches'?
Har har. You know perfectly well we use the metric system here.
I hate these blue jumpsuits. They make us look like giant regal tang.
Come again?
They're a species of fish common in coral reefs.
...
And they're blue.
You may be a good taxonomist, biology boy, but don't think that makes you prettier than me.
I'm not sure how a complaint about bad camouflage could be interpreted as an invitation to a beauty contest.
You're a blonde, kid. Everything's about beauty competitions.
Look at this! At least one of them was being chased. Was Green Team after them?
That's probably just Legolas chasing Gawl. Koji will be too distracted with other things to do very well here.
Heh...so will Van.
IhatemylifeIhatemylifeIhatemylife.
Well, I don't know what you're so worried about, Koji, because we're destined to win today.
How do you figure?
Because we're the most fashionably dressed, of course!
I'm not an elf, but I really have no idea how your green dress and green heels are supposed to help in a paintball fight. Why didn't you wear the green jumpsuit?
It builds confidence, silly! When you look good, you feel good, when you feel good, you feel confident. When you feel confident, you succeed!
Out of morbid curiosity, Arwen, do you even know how to use that paintball gun?
Sure. You just pull this lever thingy here.
You mean the trigger?
Whatever. {pooom} Owwwww!
Usually you'll also want to point the long round thing away from yourself.
But it's easier to pull the pligger this way!
You know what? Hold it however you want. It might help me live through this day.
Want me to show you the proper way, Arwen? Maybe over dinner?
I don't think so. We're too busy winning!
Frankly, our only chance at victory is for Sam to disqualify Red and Blue Teams.
If you two can shut up for half a minute, I have something for you.
Wow, my birthday isn't for months!
Riiight. Blondie, this is for you...
Unnh! This is huge, what is it?
An AR-1700 full-auto magazine-fed 400 RPS gatling paintball cannon.
Meep!
Watch it, it kicks. Genny--
It's Gawl, or Generator if you must.
...Genny, this is yours. It's an AIM-90 surface-to-surface antitank paintball mortar.
Um...Riley, are these allowed? Or even legal?
Beats me. I'm no lawyer.
What are you using for yourself?
Oh, I've got a surprise in store.
There they are! It's Red Team!
Blue Team is right behind them! Move out!
Ooooops! {pooom}
Slow-motion paintball cam
Whoooooooooooooosh...
Unnh.
GASP!
Oh no...
{Thud}
Heh...score one for preemptive contraception.
Wow, that was a short battle.
Folks, we'll have to suspend the game here...
Really? Um, right now? Couldn't we wait a few--
RED PAINT
Sploooooooooosh!
Gaaah! My beautiful hair!
Gaaah! My beautiful dress!
Riley! What was that?
Satellite-based long-range tactical nuclear paintball strike. There's no rule against Weapons of Mass Tagging.
There is when the game isn't in session!!!
Oops.
The whole reason we did this was to get out our aggressions before the Second Council so that things would run smoothly, but now my notes are covered in red paint!
What were we supposed to do?
We were going to wish someone a happy birthday, but now we can't, because we don't even know her name! Just LOOK at my--my notes...hey, where are they?
Her name is Kelli.
What!
Who are you?
Who cares? {drool}
A-buh-dee-hum-i-na!
I found these notes lying around, and I picked them up, and I've been looking for their rightful owner--
Lying around? They were inside my jacket!
Did I say lying around? Ha ha! I meant I borrowed them and I've been meaning to return them. They were just so interesting, and in any case you...wouldn't turn away a defenseless lady in need of your help, would you?
Um...
Never!
Exactly what kind of trouble are you in?
Oh, ha ha, well...I'm in debt, you see, and there's this big organization that's after me, and I'm allergic to cats, and I haven't changed clothes in almost two hours, and I think I had a split end last week, and...
No. Not another one.
Koji, put the paintball gun down.
I can't, Ryo. If I discharge it this close to my head, there's a 10% chance it will kill me, and that's the best chance I have right now.
{groan}
Don't move, mate. We'll get you some ice soon enough.
The name's Faye, Faye Valentine. It's good to be a member of this lovely crew!
Now hold on! You're not part of us just yet!
As long as you recognize that I'm prettier than you are, you're welcome to join.
Hahahahahaha! Pointy-ears is funny!
Okay, I like you. What say we let her on?
Uh-huh. Uh-huh!
Koji, drop the gun! Now!
You know where my will is, Ryo. You're the executor of my estate.
Stop talking like that!
{cough}
I said stop moving! Arwen, get me some ice, will you?
Here you are!
What the...this is rice, Arwen, get me...heck, get me anything cold.
Sigh...once again, things fall apart. Happy Birthday, Kelli.
WOW, look at the size of this weapon!
NO, don't touch--
GATLING AR-1700 PAINTBALL CANNON
Badadadadadadadadadadadadadada!
Aieeeee!
My head!
My arm!
My leg!
My stomach!
My eyes!
My bad...
We'll try to do better next time, I swear!
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