Hello friends,

let me start of by appologising for this rather strange post. I have been listening to Raindrops by Chopin non-stop for the past hour or so. This combined with it already being 0:58 AM left me feeling a bit melodramatic. I am feeling a bit dazed right now although I do not wish to discuss the cause (no it was not drugs) as it is of no importance to my story.

Life seems to be coming at me at a break-neck speed lately. School is being quite a little bitch, although it is not as bad as it seems. My promises I made about getting every single study-point I could possible get are vanishing in the wind. My god, I never thought that would be so hard to achieve. Oh well, hideous misinformation on the school's part is not making it any easier.

Another thing that has kept me busy lately is taking a closer look at my friends. Currently I have a group of four people that I can depend on, people that only let me down in the harshest of conditions. I want to make that group larger. Even though I would trust these people with my life I still do not have the feeling I fit in.

I know, wanting to fit in is very childish. It is also basic human nature. But I do not know. A part of me wants to so badly while another part wants nothing more than to be completely unique.

Something that has dawned on me lately is slowly nibbling away at what little self-confidence I had left. I am not as great as I used to think I was. I have this urge to excel at everything, to make sure my skills are exceptional. This is, realistically enough, not possible. Luckily there are some new things on the horizon, however physically painful they seem to be, that are helping me keep in control.

But the old me is still in there, do not worry. I still hate satanists and Goth-poseurs (having had my own taste of the culture intensified that feeling I think), I still have no respect for people that contemplate suicide and being rude is still the best feeling in the world.

Hating satanists has led me onto something I would like to finish this 'letter' with. I considered satanism at a certain point in my life. I was in the middle of puberty and I obviously needed to tool to use in my bitching about life. But I passed that fase, along with my hardcore metal attitude. The internet has become my tool and when it comes to music, well, almost anything goes. As for all the black clothing; you try changing an entire wardrobe in one go when you have got a budget like mine. It is not going to happen overnight.

God, I have been ranting for over twenty minutes now. Well, thanks to all of you who found it in them to read the entire blasted thing. I am not saying I hope you have learned from it, but I do hope you enjoyed yourself somehow. My bed is calling me, time to tuck in with a good book and something to drink. Until next time lads and lasses.

Have modem, will travel,

Jeremy.