Nikki Webster - Screaming Rat Girl
The letterbox is the place where the most horrible, boring pretentious twats go when they die. They go there because it is drab, ugly, boring and is next to a train line (which is also drab, ugly, boring and noisy when trains come). This is the award for those that are such horrible people that they must decend from the letterbox (it's best of you don't think about it in detail). Currently the award is held by *dramatic music*
Nikki Webster - Screaming Rat Girl
Remember the 'sweet' little girl from the olympics games with the pretty pink dress? Most likely you do because the little rat girl went and got a contract with a recording company to ensure her popified chipmunk whinning could be injected relentlessly into the poor, unsuspecting public. She is not the sweet little girl anymore, easily forgotten and gone forever. She has mutated into a hideous screaming thing - spreading her mindnumbing filth, retarded dancing, perky smiles, trashy cosmetics and worst of all pink into every little nook and cranny she can.
Why? I ask myself, couldn't she have burst into a spectular ball of flame while sitting upon her death perch? Why didn't they raise her into the caulron of flames while they had the chance. Why didn't one of the wires suspending her in the air wrap around her throat choking her slowly and painfully? If cared then i would weep for the terrible carnage she has inflicted onto the general public. Unfortunately pop music is a hydra, cutting one of it's heads off with only result in the creation of two pop puddle-brains, doubling the noise and infuriation.
Even worse than a recording contract the little spawn of diseased rat has got a movie contact. She will infect our televisions not only with her ridiculous excuse for dancing but her "acting". We cannot let this waste of resources (it's about a gorilla that knows sign language for goddam sakes) destroy the film industry...more. Ok, so maybe the film industry is a large hollywood based pile of shite but we can't let her destroy our usual plotless viewing habits.
Thankfully we have the means for some revenge, as small and pitiful as they may be. Do not take this as an opportunity to do good and kind deeds - you must be bad, very very bad. Here is the address for Nikki Webster. Spam it with your hate.
P.O. Box 311S
Homebush N.S.W
AUSTRALIA 2140
For those of you who are lazy or too poor to buy a stamp here is the email address: fanmail@nikkiwebster.com.au
Now Messengers of Satan, Go forth and destroy the terrible rat thing before it is too late.
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