Demolition Derby

The troopers volunteer for Crash Test Dummies of America... but I thought it was the cars that were supposed to smoke?!?

Mission Notes

• Fashion Crime of the Week: What, is Dave now getting his fashion tips from Jon Brennan or what? After two mere episodes I'm sick of that obnoxious 10 gallon cowboy hat already (it truly is a sore on the eyes)! However, now that there're in Dixie territory heres hoping he'll pawn it for some cash to buy a decent looking shirt as well--but I'm not exactly crossing my fingers.

• Ditz of the Week: Clueless lives up to her name once again! Upon receiving the clue informing both teams to head east to Tennessee, Clueless brainlessly ask, "Where's Tennessee?!?" Oh my, did my ears deceive me? I know she didn't ask "Where's Tennessee?"! How this chick ever got into Berkeley will go down with Stonehenge, Amelia Earhart, and who shot JFK as one of the greatest mysteries of all time!

• Showoff of the Week: Teck (The Cheese) takes home the gold for his strip tease before a couple dozen horny country girls who practically assault him in the bleachers! Ugh, Teck, I hate to break it to you bud but the reason those girls were gnawing you wasn't because you're some stud muffin fresh in town to get his groove on, but rather because you're (probably) the only "famous" face they've seen in these here parts since Garth Brooks!

• Welfare Recipient of the Week: Continuing with its assistance for out of work athletes/actors, B-M deposits a P.A check into Light Heavyweight Champion, Roy Jones' account for his lightweight performance in the ring with Ponyboy; and while I'm on the subject....

• Rip-off of the Week: Boy, all of that chest thumping from Ponyboy and Jones, and all we got was a pathetic Rock'em Sock'em toy game? Heck ya, I'll take a refund! I'm with Yes here, I wanted to see Dave get his block knocked off! Unfortunately we had to settle with seeing his plastic block knocked off instead.

• People Who Live in Glass Houses Shouldn't Throw Stones of the Week: Feeling the need to stir up some conflict, B-M threw in a bonus mission titled, Campaign for Tobacco-Free Kids, where a member from each team had to abstain from smoking for the remainder of the trip or else lose $6,000 bucks. But in the process, the morons didn't even consider their own shameful track record of casting at least 2 to 3 walking smokestacks per season on both shows! And now, all of a sudden there're gung-ho humanists preaching to would-be smoker teens that nicotine is evil? What a bunch of HYPOCRITES! Sure, the act may have "looked" noble but to the trained eye this is nothing more than a cheap confrontational gimmick inspired by BMP... and unfortunately for them it worked......

• Hardhead of the Week: Despite pleas from her fellow teammates urging her to hold out till the end of the trip, Piggy lights-up anyway, and burns $6,000 bucks in the process! Now common sense would tell you if you're gonna cheat you do it in the most discreet way possible; but what does Piggy do? She boldly flaunts by the loudest mouth in the group--cigarette in tow and parks herself right under a spotlight (in plain view no less)! D'oh -er "Dope" is more like it! Thus Heather B. feels it's her honorary duty to in effect, "Shut their team down!" well, she'll get no objections over here! Then to add insult to injury, Piggy (camera on heels) attempts to destroy the evidence in a local stall despite being caught on tape a few seconds earlier. Then she yells to the camera buff, "You can't come in here! You can't do that!" sez who? Piggy should realize the moment you sign that contract you become head property of BMP... You have NO rights!

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