Stratos-FEAR!

"What, vacation's over already?" Yes, it's that time of the year again; however things this year will be a weee bit different as I'll be temporally foregoing my analysis section (which is usually reserved for in-season reviews) till June; and replacing it with a mission notes section which will quickly detail the week's highs and lows--who wins and who whimps out (You get the ideal)!

Summary

A 30 minute mission with teams Real World & Road Rules competing for 10,000 E*trade dollars; Amaya cries, (surprise)--Holly doesn't!

Mission Notes

• Cliche of the Week: Ugh, take a wild guess... Yet again B-M recycles, dust, and polishes its worn-out cliche for another premier (If it isn't the skydive, rest assured it's the bungee jump). However, I'll give them credit for at least putting a different spin on it. And eventhough I did get a kick out of Amaya's vie for style points with her "Running Jump", I'll give those kids respectable points for having the nerve to bail off a 1,000 ft high tower (that's freakin' high)! Also pleased to see Kat break the world record for the longest jump (700 ft) since she's the only one who's less likely to brag about it. Speaking of which........

• Showoff of the Week: There were a number of contestants jabbing for the spot but ole Mikey (A.K.A "Mikenum P.I") took home the belt for his attempted chick magnet, "I'm a Private Investigator!" spat, WHOOP-DI FREAKIN DO!! You could practically feel the gravitational tug brought on by the collective eye rolls across the country! I believe Melissa said it best... he is a stud--er "dud" muffin!

• Female Demographic Stunt of the Week: Was there any particular reason (other than to escort Gladys, who looked as if she could set the red carpet on fire with her catsuit) for the Chip & Dale (Who have taken one-too many steroids) dancers to show up? Sure, some may call it even since the guys got a chance to wine and dine at the Hef Mansion in "The Final Mission"; but as far as I'm concern it's just cheap eye candy served up to get a squeal out of the girls in tvland.

• Mystery Resolved of the Week: I always speculated that the requirements BMP laid out to qualify for the spot of Mr/Ms Big was based solely on one's loudness and obnoxiousness. But now with the appearance of Gladys, one can clearly see "Da Boot" connection! So are they implying that getting the boot from your respective house/trip will earn you the honorary spot of Mr/Ms Big? If that's the case, B-M will be fresh out of rejects come next year's challenge--unless of course, they manage to drum up some chump accusations on some unsuspecting Real World/Road Rules cast member and have them booted from the show. Hmm, conspiracy buffs, start your engines!

• Punch Line of the Week: Eventhough it wasn't intended as a joke, Piggy's remark on how she desperately needs some CASH and a CAR did bring out a chuckle or two. Hey, how about getting a freakin' JOB! And while I'm on the subject, Piggy is one Ex-cast member who has definitely worn out her welcome, and is trying to extract every millisecond of her long expired 15 minutes of fame! AS IF this girl doesn't poke around BMP headquarters 24/7 begging the powers that be to set her up with a new gig.

• Audience "Puleeeze" Line of the Week: I nominate Veronica (A.K.A "Clueless") for her eye rolling sexual innuendo upon bungee jumping from the stratosphere, "*deep gasp* It's.... *gasp* ORGASMIC!" Oooooh brother! Where's my Alkaselzer when I need it!

• Audience "Puleeeze" Line of the Week--First Runner Up: Clueless takes home both awards this week! Here she criticizes B-M for the awful portrayal of her character on the show. And not that I'm taking up for BMP (never), but for what "awful" portrayal is that? As a proven lying, plagiarizing, thieving wench (Well, if the shoe fits....) I'd say you got off easy princess! The last time I checked, the latter two were still considered crimes.

• Good Dejavu of the Week: Pleased to see the return of the famous mondo-tour luxury bus (you've been working out); however, lose the loud and cheesy Real World/Road Rules Challenge logo on the side of the bus--which is sure to stand out like a beacon wherever they go. Oh well, so much for keeping a low profile. Real Rules hecklers, ready your tomatoes!

• Bad Dejavu of the Week: Alas B-M seems to have re-hired the same old brain dead editors.. who all-too frequently chose to leave us guessing as to the identity of the B-M intern of the week (those of you who are familiar with my reviews of the first challenge know that I ranted about this A LOT). Here, history repeats its self when they neglect to drop a name on the bungee instructors--thus leaving them as nameless oafs. Not a good start!

• Contrivance of the Week: Eventhough I applaud Kat for setting a new world record, it does seem pretty dang convenient considering... 1.) Out of the literal hundreds of experienced jumpers out there who have come before, she's the first to break the then 590 ft world record? That's a bungee stretch in its self! And 2.) No one piped up after the instructor informed them on how the same(?) bungee cord (which mysteriously changed color from one jumper to the next) would expand with every jump; therefore, logic would dictate that the last person would stand the highest chance of breaking the record (which most likely would not have set well with a egomaniac like Dave (A.K.A "Ponyboy") or Yes ( P.K.A "Smooth Operator" now A.K.A. "Playboy"), yet no one threw a fuss. Either they didn't care or are not that keen on the laws of physics.

• Marketing Ploy of the Week: BMP must be hard up for cash. There're resurrecting the infamous CITRA ads (Da, da, dum) from Latin America to scam some more unsuspecting viewers--In addition to their weekly road tips that make bogus accusations such as drinking Citra will make your next driver's exam a piece of cake. And hey! You may even come out with a decent looking picture! Bullcrap! No one--Jennifer Lopez, Carmeron Diaz, etc... has a decent looking driver's license, so you can trash that tip right there!

• Marketing Ploy of the Week--First Runner Up: Man, those rats over at BMP must really think there're slick. Why serve up $10,000 E*trade dollars when a simple $10,000 "dollars" would suffice? Why, because B-M has NO intention of handing out $100,000 bucks to anyone! They concocted some cockeyed scheme where both teams must invest their E*trade dollars in an On-Line stock and perhaps increase their shear. But rest assured some idiot's going to log on and blow the teams' cash on some bogus stock like pumpkins and whatnot (memo to teams RW/RR: PLEASE keep Teck and Clueless away from the laptop, unless you're planning on walking away with enough dough to buy a news paper for your foreshadowing job search)! Plus with the stock market's volatility there're sure to lose big time, but that's the plan all along... right B-M?

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