Safari Face-off

The Roomies take a little excursion from their South African vacation to reclaim their Robomutt. However, this has been anything but a vacation for the Roadies, who continue to clash like delegates at a Reform Party convention.

Analysis

The Roadies get an everso annoying visit from you-know-who, warning them to prepare to face "Bad Karma," Ha! They've been facing bad karma off and on through out this trip, so bring it on! Their E-mail informs them that The Real Worlders have (finally) come to reclaim their bucket of bolts otherwise known as the Robodog.

Yes folks, it is that everso rare in-season occasion again; when the Roadies and the Roomies face-off for the bragging right to say, "We're number one!" ...everso rare, especially given the fact that our last in-season face-off happened three years ago; although technically our last face-off occurred during the RW: Seattle/RR: Aussie Aqua Games, however that was such a contrived scenario of flying the Roadies halfway across the globe to battle in ice cold water, that you could just write it off as another cheap ratings gimmick.

You could very well sight this episode as a sequel to "Mission Impossible: Get Shorty" where the Roadies were successful in conning the Roomies out of house and home to swipe their beloved pooch, now it's time to settle the score.

Here the Roadies meet the Roomies at their luxurious four star hotel where B-M gives a standard video clip introduction of each Real Worlder (similar to that of the Dot Commers and Georgia Greeks) for all of those Real World shuners out there. The two teams size each other up: Julie breaks out into a preschool whine at the sight of Bumpkin yanking the Robodog on a home-made leash; Kathy lights up like the Madison Square Garden Christmas Tree around Preppie; and all Danny Boy--who has the best fake ID ever, dude--can do is smile like the insecure drama queen that he is.

M'saada pops up in a cameo to (first time) utter an irrelevant quote; however, what isnt irrelevant is a Dung Beetle in the background rolling a huge ball of crap along the South African countryside. Hmm, could the producers be sending us a subliminal (yes, that's "Subliminal" Dubaya) message here?

Then in comes a tall African wearing a cheetah skin with a name long enough to be in the Genus Book of World Records, but fortunately he instructs everyone to call him "Ade". Ade informs both teams to accompany him to his village where they'll partake in a series of tribal warfare events. Bumpkin chooses this moment to play "Ugly American," "I bet you $20 bucks that guy's got fleas!" Oh ya! I bet $100 bucks that Bumpkin's got stupids! M@: MC & Co. rightfully ignore the ignoramus.

From there both teams head out to Ade's village. Upon arrival we find the producers attempting to drudge up a conflict between Laterrian and Folly; I guess this is to further illustrate Team RR's dysfunction over the past two weeks. Furthermore, M'saada compares the groups' current state to that of a melting pot that has boiled over; however, I'd liken it to a salad bowl with at least two fruit cakes.

Ade tells the kids that they'll be competing in three events worth one goat each; the team with the most goats at the end of the competition wins the face-off and the Robomutt, but fortunately doesn't have to sacrifice them to their ancestors. In preparation both teams don themselves in tribal attire, however the guys fail to ditch the obnoxious Nikey sneakers--thus committing a fashion crime worthy of deportation.

The first event is the "Warrior Dance," where two girls (one from each team) go head-to-head in a rump-shaking competition; however the guys must intimidate their opponent with animal like behaviors. James, following Bumpkin's Ugly American lead exclaims that this is BS and that he doesn't want to act like a fool, ugh, too late for that don't ya think? Eventually James (momentarily) swallows his pride and proceeds to engage David in a human cock-fight, but David delivers the crucial pounce, thus Team RW scores a goat. But if this event proves one thing it is that the RW/RR .09 girls have some of the flattest chest imaginable. Where are the Amayas and Veronicas when you need them?

Sensing defeat, Team RR decides to change tactics by imploring some "Tribal Unity" via painting the RR logo on their faces--which is rather cheesy if you ask me. Why not have Kefla show up with the horns instead?

The second event, the worm-eating competition is a complete rip-off from Survivor--although continuity wise this shouldn't even be the case; so what the heck is James talking about when he compares the worm-eating competition to that of Survivor?!? Survivor was filmed in March and April, and didn't air until June. Road Rules was filmed from January to late March, so how in the heck could james have possibly known??? ...Oh forget it! I'm not going to scratch a grove in my head trying to figure this one out. Must be one of those temporal anomalies, again.

Anyway, the team that is successful in wolfing down the most amount of worms in under a minute wins. But to make a long story short, James, Kathy, and Laterrian pull through for Team RR, but not with out puking out at the end; still RR puts the seven over pampered misfits to shame! Alas, Preppie is the only brave (and I use that word loosely) soul in the group. He scores his team one measly point compared to RR's 23.

The third and final event is the Zulu Spears competition. Ade lays out the objective, which is to push your opponent out of the circle while using the provided stick as a thrust mechanism. Highlights include M'saada dragging Julie (who's a good foot taller in height) around like a rag doll--(she may be small, but baby can pack quite a punch); Folly and Kelly fighting over a stick (I'll leave the obvious joke to your imagination); and the main event, Laterrian knocking David flat on his butt in the much anticipated "Playa-off".

It should come as no surprise then that Team Road Rules wins the event and the face-off 2 to 1, which BTW is really pitiful when considering that Team Real World outnumbers Team RR by one. On that note I want to point out that Danny Boy did not compete in a single dang event! I guess he didn't want to mess up his pretty little smile on his pretty little 12 year old face. So Ade presents Team RR with a trophy large enough to rival that of the World Cup. Bumpkin & Co. sight their "tribal unity" as contributing to their success, but I'm too savvy to fall for another one of B-M's reset button ploys.

Afterwards both teams mingle a bit: Laterrian and Julie (foreshadowing) share a conversation on the importance of team unity and Preppie fondles MElissa in a muddy lake. Later everyone gathers together for a group photo while Kathy and Bumpkin lament that they owe their team unity to The Real Worlders, huh? Sorry kids, but you're gonna have to come up with a better story that that in order for me to buy this reset button ploy.


NEXT WEEK: Someone in the producer's chair has obviously watched one too many Iron Eagle movies.


Jump straight to "Flying Aces". Or go back to "It's No Sacrifice".

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