"There is a such thing called Fate, but it only takes you so far, because once you get there its up to you to make it happen."
----Jenna Elfman(from Can't Hardly Wait)
This page is the 2nd half of my bio page, and is dedicated to "catching up"...that is, there's a 2 year gap in the first part of the online bio(to check out part 1, click here!) A lot of stuff has happened in that 2 years...some funny, some sad, some breakthroughs. As well, I will be recalling incidents that happened before I started the online bio. I'll try to keep this in chronological order, but i may veer off from time to time. This is important: while I may or may not feel the same way towards some of the people I write about here, this is MY online bio, and I'm going to address how I felt at the moment, not sugarcoat it. So if I didn't like a person or situation, you can bet your bottom dollar that J.T. is going to speak the truth. You might not like what I have to say, but you're entitled to your opinion just like I am, because everyone has good and/or uncertain thoughts about people they care or DON'T care about. Bottom line: if you don't like what you are reading(and it pertains to YOU or someone you know)...just STOP READING, but don't call/email me with an attitude because what happened is over and done with, and my opinions are formed, live with it. :)
YOU THINK YOU KNOW???? You have absolutely NO idea...this is the diary of JT...
If anytime in our relationship could be considered stress-free(or even magical), it was this trip. It was a major turning point in our relationship, and really the first time we were around each other for an extended period of time. Everything was great, the bed and breakfast we stayed in was nice. There was this girl who flew in from St. Louis who was staying there as well, I think she had a thing for me(lenore swears that she wanted to have me for herself.) Of course, I reassured her that she's my one and only galpal. There was no threat, anyway, that chick was fugly!
lenore was my tour guide around Chicago, and she took me everywhere, the Magnificent Mile, Shedd Aquarium, and even that bridge where they filmed the intro to Perfect Strangers(COME ON, you have to remember BALKI! don't be ridiculous!) It was also the first time I met her parents. Her mom is so youthful, it's amazing to know that she's 48. Her dad is a walking encyclopedia of knowledge, literally. He must have gotten a good first impression of me, because he was talking to me for the longest time. All the while, lenore's mom was making faces mocking him, and it was hard to keep a straight face b/c he was SO oblivious to what she was doing. There was also the subplot of daddy's little girl, but like i said, he got a good first impression and ran with it. I felt like I was sweating bullets, but I really wasn't sweating at all, if that makes any sense...I had no idea what I was going to do with my life, yeah I had a rough sketch, but nothing long term. Fortunately, I knew how to sell myself well. As lackluster as my planning was, I was putting the effort in...but i digress.
We also traveled through her neighborhood, and we took lots of pictures. It was only 3-4 days, but it seemed like it would never end...and I mean that in a good way. It was a spur of the moment decision, but I wouldn't do anything different. I got to share the turn of the Millenium with the one girl who means the world to me, and that's amazing...
"I was so blind, I could not see. Your paradise, is not for me." - Madonna
January - March 2000
It's funny how things work out, especially with friends. I'm trying to go into this story without reaching into specifics or mentioning any names, so bear with me here. I guess we can start with part one, levar's ex Lizzie. The story of them two is pretty bad, so I'll just jump to the aftermath. The girl basically hooked up with the next guy who said hi to her. He was a pretty possessive guy too, and he was ready to beat levar up for talking to her on the phone. I don't really get how clueless some girls are, and trust me, I'll try to get into it here. But not only did she get with him, but within a month they got engaged. Really weird, and neither me nor levar have heard from her since. I don't know, maybe he dragged her into some woods straight out of the Blair Witch Project or something, because she doesn't even answer my emails. I don't know, it seems that with a few exceptions, I am constantly dealing with girls who let these guys have their way with them. Why are they so submissive...low self-esteem, that's why. They don't think they can find anything better, so they stick with the guy they have. And well, you know guys, they'll take some action wherever they can get it. That's all I have to say about that(for now...)UPDATE: Through a reliable source, I now hear that this dame is married to the same guy and has a kid, and she's only 21! So much for common sense, eh?
In the words of Bill Goldberg, Who's Next?!?! ....oh yeah, Lenore's friend Michelle. I'll make no bones about it here: Something about her turned me off from the get-go. From the moment lenore told me she was very open about her sexuality, I decided I would just be civil, and not cause any scenes, ya know. It's impossible for me to like all of her friends, and vice versa where she's concerned. But I'll say this as a little disclaimer(and people who know me, know that I keep my sexual matters private): There is a BIG difference between being OPEN with your sexuality and being a rude obnoxious jackass. Of course, this girl leans toward the latter symbolism. But why worry about making scenes, she did it all for me. Being that she was really good friends with my girlfriend, she beleived that our intimacy was a topic of public discussion. I guess the old adage was right, you NEVER get a second chance to make a FIRST impression. What I got from this was that she had NO RESPECT for our relationship...which is a running theme with her till this very day. The aftermath of this(in a nutshell) was constant disagreements over this same chick, whether it be me not saying anything to her or (later on) saying only hi and bye. You know, I never did like the Spice Girls mentality(if you wanna be with me, you gotta get with my friends). By that theory, sooner or later, SOME FRIEND is NOT going to like who you're bringing home. Do you take your significant other to a private place and tell him/her "well, John/Jane Doe, you and I have been great...the dinners, the recitals, everything...but you see, my friend doesn't necessarily care for you....actually, she thinks you suck. So I think we should go our separate ways. this is good-bye." I think here(as with another guy who I'll get into later) it's more of a co-existence than a matter of respect...she never gave me a reason to respect her, and that's the bottom line there.
As I mentioned though...it honestly led to the first really big disagreement my gf and I had, and yes, it was a big one(though it seems like minor bickering now). Truth was that for 4-5 months, she(at my request) refrained from swearing in front of me. It doesn't seem relevant now, since we both do it, but my feeling back then was that not swearing was showing her respect, and vice versa. However, once she got around Michelle, she was saying things that made N.W.A. look like N'Sync. Needless to say I didn't like it b/c I felt that her level of respect for me had to have dropped for her to totally ignore a honest request of mine. She wanted me to beleive that that's how she is in front of her friends...the REAL her, so to speak. SOO, I'm thinking here, it's good to finally meet my TRUE girlfriend after 4-5 months of us pouring our hearts out to each other, you know. Not even my friend Katrina liked that line, and it's hard to piss her off. Maybe I was naive in arguing about that...or maybe people need to learn to respect your decisions.
"Autour de moi/Je ne vois pas...Qui sont des anges/Surement pas moi...Encore une fois/Je suis cassée...Encore une fois/Je n'y crois pas." - Madonna(look it up!)
May-June 2000
We had a senior week festival, and it was kinda boring, even though I guess it was what I made of it. I was so busy looking for a job and getting my apartment in order that I didn't really enjoy myself. It seemed like the only free time i had i spent with my galpal, and i regret the fact that i wanted to give her ALL my free time out of fear that I wouldn't have the time to see her after graduation. It made me seem needy, when in reality, I was so busy trying to get my life in order that i felt it didn't leave me with enough leisure time to split with my other friends and her. I guess it's my achilles heel, or maybe not. It's not like I ever made her feel like trash or anything, but I digress...
I don't really remember doing much for that senior week, people mainly played basketball and hung out in the lounge. It was better than going back home though, it's true. The one thing that sticks out in my mind is the Mardi Gras party, because it was the ONE time when every student showed up. Of course, my galpal was my date, and we got tipsy. She kept begging me to dance, literally grabbing my arm and pulling to get me up, but I was more tipsy than i thought....after the drinks kicked in, I finally gave in and danced with her. She looked REALLY sexy that night too, so I couldn't resist. That dancing led to one of the cheesiest pictures in our college yearbook. :) There were two dampers on the night, though they weren't that bad. Her ex happened to be there, and did some questionable things(on top of staking us out all night), I didn't really care, but she seemed to have TOO MUCH of an interest in his offbeat shenanigans. It made me feel pretty useless, like I was being used to get back at her ex. Fortunately, she made me feel better about that by telling me how much better i was for her than he was(HEY, I admit, I love getting that kind of adoration from my baby! who doesn't?!?!?)...by the way, did i mention how sexy my galpal looked??? oh yeah, I see I did....on to the second prob....
After a relatively STRESS FREE night, there was a huge fight, involving my ex-roommate Adam out of all people. His best friend's girlfriend happened to be dancing with another guy. SO, being the altruistic brother he was, Adam felt the need to JUMP to her rescue on behalf of his best pallie. OH, did I forget to mention that this guy was 6 foot 5, some 300 pounds and looked like he could kick ass??? well, someone should have advised poor ol' Adam better, b/c in his moment of amplified testicular fortitude, the football player clocked him once, breaking his nose. My, my, my....the frustration of that 0-11 season was just too much, the big man had to show he was good at something. Anyhow, adam's best bud(damnit, we'll call him Chris), saw the scene and as the lights in the once dark Lounge room lit up to expose the chaos, he made a half assed dash towards the football player, as if to avenge to his fallen bro. It's funny, then, that when he got within 15 feet of the previously referenced football player, he slowed to a snail's crawl as some people grabbed him to make certain he didn't get the same facial treatment Adam got. In layman's terms, he pussed out. Needless to say, the party that looked like it would never end got called to a halt as RUPD's finest(including the MAIN man, Officer Leroy Washington) hauled in the usual suspects. Overall, it was a great night, I can't complain. Besides, nore had a good time and looked happy, and I love to see her smile. oh well, ON TO GRADUATION.......
"You're selling out souls, but I care about mine. I've got to get stronger, and I won't give up the fight." - Janet
November-December 2000
February-March 2001
In today's society we, as black people, have an endless amount of scrutiny and pre-disposed judgements placed on us. These in turn, make us have to fight twice as hard to get where we need to. While there are some, like me, who are light enough to avoid MOST negative press(and I say most, because MY COLOR is a separate debate in itself), we all have to deal with the negativity of blaxploitation flicks. And yes, in the year 2001, they are still alive and kicking, just in a different form than before.
However, this time out, black people who are in the position to portray a more positive image are opting to either play stereotypes or flaunt their bodies instead of theirs talents. At the top of this list are three big stars: Mariah Carey, Halle Berry and Shemar Moore. While all three of these people are extremely talented individuals, they tend to gain most of their fame from flaunting their asses instead of their talent. "Vision of Love" is no longer Mariah's defining moment, instead it's the skimpy outfits she wore after her divorce. Halle Berry's portrayal of Dorothy Dandridge plays second fiddle to her sex kitten character who strips(for $250,000 a breast) in the movie "Swordfish." And Shemar Moore's breakthrough performance in "the brothers" is either overshadowed by his token black character in Young and the Restless, or the fact that he does a shower scene in an off-Broadway play.
This tendency of our people to think they need to strip and show skin to get ahead annoys me. It's like girls who wear skimpy outfits because they want to attract guys...WHAT'S THE POINT?!?!? You're going to attract the wrong type of person anyway, someone who's only interested in your exterior and will NEVER try to know the spiritual! These people(actors and others) need to stop being so damn naive, KEEP YOUR CLOTHES ON, and if the rest of the world doesn't respect that, then FUCK them!!!
Sometimes the people you love the most in life are going to hurt you bad, but you MUST forgive them" -anonymous
May 2001
July 2001
Maybe I should subtitle this section "Kids say the Darndest Things." I took my kids(4th graders) to Bowcraft Amusement Park right on the border of Scotch Plains, NJ. Anyway, we were waiting for the bus to arrive and one of my kids(Malcolm) came up to me and asked what type of pie I liked, so I told him I liked apple pie. After getting my answer, Malcolm then went to one of my other kids(Robert, the most polite kid in the class) and asked him what type of pie he liked, to which he promptly and emphatically answers "POONTANG PIE!!"
Now, when I heard this, and I couldn't help but laugh b/c he was completely innocent, but being a teacher, I somehow found the strength to NOT roll on the ground laughing. I politely took him to the side and told him "Robert...that's not the type of pie you consume...so next time someone asks you, you say you like SWEET POTATO PIE, now go play with your friends." So, I started to walk away (damn near crying from laughter), and Robert runs up behind screaming "BUT I LOVE POONTANG PIE!!!" Now I'm wondering what the hell did I get myself into here.
So when we got back to the school, I took him to his mother, hoping that will somehow curb his desire to acknowledge his favorite "dessert." It should go without saying then, that in front of his mother, he still screamed out "POONTANG PIE!" There you have it...a 9 year old kid bragging about getting a piece of ass. And when asked where he'd get that from, he says he got it from watching The ROCK!!! Now if THAT'S not a reason to keep your kids away from the television, i don't know what is!!
August 2001
"You can't say you know someone until you're so saturated with their presence that their loss makes you feel like you can't breathe." -anonymous
August 2001
Sometimes I wonder, how did I get lucky enough to find and stay with such a wonderful girl. It was a freaky occurence that led to us getting together, but I thank God every day for giving nore to me. I love her so much, it scares me sometimes because no one's ever been as committed to me as she has. At times it overwhelms me...and for some reason, the thought of her leaving me is just as overwhelming. It's not that I need her to function...I'm just so grateful for every moment I get to see her face. That makes me do whatever I can do, within reason, to make her happy. As I watched her airplane take off, I thought to myself, and the overwhelming feeling went away...because we may be apart physically, but spiritually, she's right here, in my heart(just as I am there in her heart.)
September 2001
"Always and never are two words you should always remember never to use." -Wendell Johnson
November 2001
It sure has been a while since I updated here hasn't it. Now we are at war with the Taliban regime over in Afghanistan, and there is an anthrax outbreak here in the USA. Combined with the threat of nuclear warfare looming over our heads, our country is at a crossroads. However, all we can do is worry about business as usual. I worry some nights that I'll never get to see the love of my life again because of this conflict, I feel better about it now though. So.....it's business as usual...... I recently resigned from my job at the Catholic school I was teaching at, admist philosophical differences with the principal. To put it short and sweet, the guy has no integrity and his kids were very disrespectful towards me cause I was the new guy. I'm actually glad to be out of there, now I'm not as stressed out and I'm happy. All the back biting and bs politics was making me hostile. It was time for a change, and my girlfriend saw it like 3 weeks before I did. She has supported me throughout the whole deal, and I love her even more for that. as far as the principal goes, it's his loss. Those kids need discipline, which is too much for a principal with no integrity. I'm already moving on, about to start working at the end of this week. Guess that's all for now. Be good to each other. peace!
UPDATE: December 19, 2001 - Moving on...
"Believe it or not, I'm walking on air, I never thought I could feel so free..." Well, those words ring PRETTY true, along with the title. In one month's time, pulling strings, and making power moves, I not only have 2 jobs in my field, but I am making more $$$ than the principal that said that I didn't have what it takes. Wow, once I get into the new year, I'll be better off financially, thank god.
I'm also taking up a couple of more hobbies, sketch drawing, and (if SOMEONE buys me one) playing the guitar. I want to keep myself busy, and get slim and trim as well. Getting slim and trim means cutting the little fat on my body, as well as some less than stellar "friends" in my life. I'm very picky when it comes to friends, they have to have a certain level of maturity, and people I've lived with this year fail to make the grade. No big deal to me though, because I am better now at handling immature people with a mature outlook. Anyhow, I should get back to business, peace.
January 2002
"You have a friendly heart and are well admired" - fortune cookie philosophy
June 2002
I don't want to get off on a rant here but what the hell is the point of jumping into a relationship with someone you want to change so much that they resemble the jackass who didn't have the balls to stick by you instead of the one you oughta be grateful fell into your lap? Living here in Newark, all i see are ungrateful men, gang bangers, and gold digging strung out women, most of which's only claim to fame is being in charge of people who have to say 'may i take your order?' for the federally mandated minimum wage at the local Burger King. YET, these are the main people i see with women/men strapped to them.
I hear 'Jay-t, why are guys like this, why do ladies do that, that son of a bitch is so into himself, etc' and all i'm thinking is 'you whine, but you'll probably run right back to him/her.' Women seem to gravitate to men who beat them down mentally and vice versa. Just watch the movie Baby Boy, where Tyrese fornicates with other women, physically and verbally abuses his wife, and through it all, she decides to stay with him. That's just a microcosm of a larger problem. It's obvious that the "nice guy" is about as extinct as Joe Piscopo's career outside of the Boardwalk in Atlantic City. Two factors contribute to this: (1) the previously mentioned 'thug syndrome' and (2) even when a "nice guy" comes along, it's too PERFECT, and as much as they may love that guy, they just have to change and/or compare them into the previously mentioned ex. Sooner or later, the subtle nudges become inconsiderate shoves, and both parties get frustrated, which more than likely ends with the two going their separate ways quicker than you can say "J Lo got married??"
It's obvious, women are damn near impossible to figure out and the more you try, the more you're gonna be talking to yourself before you go to sleep at night and when you look in the mirror in the morning. Women, most guys think with the head located below the belt, so if you do happen to find one who is thinking above it, you oughta stick with him. Those nice guys aren't a dime a dozen, they are a dying breed because HONESTLY, we aren't really appreciated all that much. Of course, that's just my opinion, I could be wrong.....
"we all make mistakes,we all lose our way...but we stood the test of time and i hope,that's the way it will stay...it's all up to you, to tell me to go...'cause it won't be me to walk away, when you're all that i know." - Gloria
June 2002
The State took over Newark Public Schools in September 1995, 2 months after I graduated and was accepted to Rutgers. However, the behavior of the children has fallen to critically horrid levels. People always ask me why do I go into those schools and literally risk my life, and I am saying on the record now that it's fulfilling to be giving back to my neighborhood. HOW MUCH I'm giving back, however, is in question because these kids nowadays have me feeling like Michelle Phieffer in 'Dangerous Minds'.
Only difference here is, there's no way in hell kids will turn around that fast in reality. It is just a sad fact that a lot of youths in Newark are beyond saving. The gang/crime system here has adolescents thinking that hip hop music and gang affiliations are the keys to success in life. There was recently a gang related shooting right across the street from the school I happened to be working at. It was a tragic incident, but don't tell that to these kids. Children in the same school were going around the next day making jokes about the incident or threatening to do the same thing to their own classmates. Kids were never like this when I grew up...I guess it's just a sign of the times.
One of my best friends, Mr. Garretson, said it best when he said what's happening to these kids is the worst type of black on black crime. People like me and others who got out of the city came back, to give back, but these kids are so ignorant nowadays. My second grade teacher asked me if kids were like this when I was a student, and I had to say no because it's the truth. Even the 1st graders are spewing profanity, disrespecting teachers, and acting like they have no manners.
The older kids are a whole other matter entirely however. I recently worked in a school where the students were all out on parole. Bragging about what gang members they know, and quoting the latest rap songs verbatim, this is the typical high schooler I've seen in Newark. In New Brunswick the high schoolers, while talkative, were interested in where their lives were headed. Newark high schoolers have no idea what they want, predisposed to the theory that they are stuck in Newark. That's how I used to feel, before I got out.
The process of being with the in-crowd has kids and their late 20/early 30 something parents looking down at teachers, who they tend to blame for their kids' troubles, when in actuality the problems started at home with a lack of discipline. I wasn't even allowed to curse in my house and when I said as much as damn, my mom(rest in peace) made me regret it. These kids nowadays would in all likelihood find their dad's supposedly stashed away gun and take matters into his own hands...after which in court they'd probably say that the WWE is to blame for poor Johnny Doe's behavior. The bottom line here is there isn't a timetable that can be put on where these kids went bad, all I know is that it's 'in' to piss teachers off. For the amount of cash they are payed(which isn't much), parents ought to do their job and tell their kids how to listen, and who to listen to, before they start listening to gang offers. Of course, that's just my opinion....
"I'd rather have bad times with you, than good times with someone else. I'd rather stand beside you in a storm, than safe and warm by myself." - Luther Van.
June 2002
anyway, i came to the conclusion that the pain we may feel at times is worth going through, especially when there is a strong mutual love. It's not about finding someone else better, it's about being able to accept the person you do have(and love) with all of their faults. It's not blind faith, it's more like visible appreciation, and I think we're all capable of showing that when we meet that special person...and it makes all those good times even more special. I guess that's short and to the point...what do you all think???
November 2003
Wow, I guess it has been one hell of a long time since I've updated this little page of mine. I'm surprised Geocities hasn't deleted this page to save space. Anyhow, I'm grateful it's still here, it can be so therapeutic at times.
oh yeah, the title. Well, do you know how you meet someone and think they are so much better than the last person you were with? An even better scenario is when the next big thing turns out to be even worse than the last one. I say "better" with the UTMOST sarcasm. Bottom line, folks, is that before you go sleeping around, you should make absolutely sure that chick/dude you're giving yourself to will be worth the effort, before, during and(if it comes down to it) after the relationship. I know that my true best friend, and the main guy who has stuck by me(even when I ditched him for the girl in question here), told me all along that she was selfish, but I wouldn't listen. Little did I know he was right about her down to a T. It took me too long to figure out...
even after breaking up with her, I tried real hard to be a good friend, even going so far as to listen to her issues and drama. Little did I know, however, that the moment the "next big thing" came into her life, she would stop contacting me. Fortunately, being that in the 2 year period we broke up she has treated me less as a friend and more as an associate, I was prepared for the day this bridge would be crossed. So therapeutically speaking... I see her true colors, she's a chameleon, changes with the season/that's the kind of dame I won't give the time or reason.
Damn, that felt good! In other news, I'm happy with my life, and I don't need to get laid to feel I'm somebody special. I've lost 20 pounds this year, aboslutely ripped! I finally have my teaching certificate!!! And last but not least, I have finished the beta of my old school rap demo, Old School not referring to my style of lyrics, but the mentality of the old school which persisted in showing that rap could be fun. Too much music nowadays is focused of material things, and these guys like 50 cent are an insult to my hobby, my race and my gender with their A.D.D. lyrical content. I'm ready to 'bring it' to the masses. All these so called hip hop artists can do is...BE READY!
jt
Absolutely no regrets
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