"There is a such thing called Fate, but it only takes you so far, because once you get there its up to you to make it happen."
----Jenna Elfman(from Can't Hardly Wait)

I honestly have too many hobbies, but I will mention a few: I LOVE music, especially Babyface, Donna Delory, Luther Vandross and Madonna. I consider myself a songwriter. I write rap songs, though I haven't lately because I have NO motivation/competition(new rappers bore me). I've been writing more poems lately. After listening to Babyface(and going through my own SO-CALLED LIFE), I decided to go into songwriting and poetry more. I would like to share some with a cold wind blowing so go to "Whisper In The Wind"

If you really want me to sum myself up, which is pretty difficult, I'll put it like this...I like to keep to myself but I long to be able to find a girl who I can trust and who I can open myself up to unconditionally(and vice versa.) My optimism payed off a little more than 2 years ago, when I began dating a wonderful gal. through good and bad times, we've managed to stay together. It has been a bumpy ride, but I'm so in love with her that I beleive it is all worth it(as long as she's in love with me too...which she is, YAH!!) That's my life in a nut shell, but of course there's more...

What else... Well, let's see, I'm a sagittarius, for all of you who believe in that Psychic Network thingie:) Here's my astrological outlook:
Sagittarius (November 22-December 21)-Sagittarius is the positive, mutable, fire zodiac sign ruled by the planet Jupiter. On the positive side, people born under sagittarius tend to be discerning, but on the negative side, they can be moralistic. Famous Sagittarians include Nostradamas, Tycho Brahe, Emily Dickinson, Mark Twain, Winston Churchill, Charles DeGaulle, Maria Callas, Walt Disney, Frank Sinatra, Jane Fonda, John F. Kennedy Jr, Yuriy Feliksovich Kleyner and ME!

YOU THIINK YOU KNOW???? You have absolutely NO idea.........this is the diary of JW...

Mid July, 1998 - I don't know, maybe I should turn this into a "Why I hate relationships" page:) Seriously, though, I've had my problems as of late. Tell me something people, from a purely selfish standpoint, what's the use of confiding in someone if they're just going to blow you off??
I'm sure that a lot of you have been through this situation, where someone you care for knows that you care for them, yet they don't give you the time of day. I'm going through it now as well as a friend of mine. Don't get me wrong, I'm NOT saying that just because you tell someone you like them, they HAVE to date you. I AM saying, however, that you shouldn't give someone who cares for you the runaround, either you're in, or you're out.
The bottom line here is that you shouldn't take a person's love for granted. People also need to learn to communicate better, if you don't want to be with that special someone, LET THEM KNOW!!!! I hate to see people's emotions played with, so if you're going to say good-bye, do it with vigor, not a whimper.

August 10, 1998 - Well, my rant for this week(or this month) has to do with "inter-racial" couples. I'm a fairly laid back person, and when it comes to the people I hang out with, I don't use skin color or ethnicity as a judge. Unfortunately, I have too many 'friends' saying to me "oh man, we need to talk, you shouldn't be hanging out with white people." My personal favorite was one this girl said to me when I told her I was dating a Jewish girl. She said "Is it right for a Jewish girl and a black guy to date?" I thought we went to college to get rid of these stupid stereotypes, first of all. Second of all, I don't really consider myself black, and neither did anyone else UNTIL I started hanging out with white people in college.
It doesn't matter whether the girl(or guy) you like is Jewish, Scandinavian, or whatever. What matters is how they treat you and vice versa. I've learned that most of my friends are hypocrites anyway. They claim to believe in the words of Martin Luther King Jr. and at the same time, they wouldn't ever want to hang out with a white person, even if he(she) had the cure for the AIDS virus. Bottom line here: Judge people by the content of their character and NOT the color of their skin. This world will be a lot better off if I didn't have to prove that whites weren't the only slave-owners. You'll probably believe what you want to anyway, but it's true.

August 13, 1998 - I've been soul searching for most of the summer because I had to find myself. Not helping any of this is the fact that a girl who I wanted really badly turned me down. That would not be much of a problem, but the worse thing is that since school ended(around May) I haven't heard from her at all. I understand she needs space to herself, but I thought we were friends. Since I still think we're friends, I'm hoping that everything can work out, but I'm preparing for the worst the next time I see her. This poem "If You Forget Me" explains how I feel about her. If she doesn't care about me, then I won't care about her, simple as that.

September 2, 1998 - Well, I'm back here at school now, and I'm happy to be here for a change. I happened to run into the girl that I've been ranting about for the last 4-5 months. The weird thing is, we said hi to one another and then she turned around to say something else, but she didn't. I wanted to say something too, but what do you say to someone you fell in love with if they ignore you for 4 months? Please tell me. My feelings for her haven't changed, but I'm no longer blinded by them either. What she did was wrong, and I'm fully prepared to move on if necessary.

September 12, 1998 - I've noticed lately that I never seem to have any good news on this page. It may seem as if I don't appreciate anyone I've met in college or vice versa, but that's not true. I don't know if I would have ever been able to find myself if I never met this girl. We live very far away from one another, but I feel closer to her than I do to most people who live near me. We've both been through a lot since we've known each other, some good, some bad. But we always stand by to help each other, if neccessary. So, if you're reading this, I'll like to say for the ______________th time :), thanks and you're an angel, Julie. Don't ever believe any different.

October 6, 1998 - Well, what can I say besides I'm a free man. I'm finally over this girl, and I have my sanity back(until mid-terms, of course!) I came to the realization that I was fighting alone to save our friendship. I gave her my phone number, and she said that she would call, but she didn't. That may have been the breaking point, or maybe it was her best friend telling me that she was busy, and then I see her walking around downtown with another guy. I saw this and turned the other way. She doesn't deserve my sympathy, friendship or love. I deserve better than her. She abandoned me, but I'll live because I have faith in myself and those who have the courage to stand by me, NOT behind me or in front of me(thanks Katie!) And to skye, if you ever happen to read this, to quote my favorite singer:
"you're one lonely star..."

October 26, 1998 - No new news here really, just wasting time on the computer. There was this guy named Matthew Shepard, who was killed because he was gay. My anger over this came in the form of a poem(click here to read it.) What do i have to say? Will you listen to me if I make sense, or will you just blow it off and say 'all fags deserve to burn'?? I tell you what, the decision is up to you. You can accept everyone for their differences and pay it as much attention as you would with anyone else, or you can show that you are one of the 'normal' people. And if being a normal male in America means setting ANY man on fire, then I guess I'm a f##king misfit, and I wouldn't have it any other way! To those who condone this, such as the 'normal people' of the Westboro Baptist Church, you need to look in the mirror and reevaluate your position in life. I've done that myself and I've come to this realization:
"Man who conquers other men is strong, man who conquers himself is all-powerful." Rest in peace, Matt, now they can't hurt you.

February 24, 1999 - Well, well, well, it HAS been a while. To update you, I've been on a quest for the past 8 months to find myself and what my purpose is in this lifetime. Over those past 8 months, I've had relationship problems as well as family problems that have really made me think twice about taking my life for granted. Did I deserve to have ANY of this emotional turmoil?? WELL, yes and no...No, because (obviously) I've never done anything that was so bad that I deserved the hell that I went through last year. Then again, I'll say I did 'deserve' it, because it has helped me turn my life around and see what is REALLY important in this world. Friends who turn their backs on you when you need them most are NOT important(so, I'm saying it for the record- Skye, you are NOT important-that's all I've to say about her...) What IS important is the people who stick by you no matter how screwed up you are because, deep down, they realize that there is something truly beautiful underneath and they APPRECIATE that. What is important are my 2 nieces, because they show me that life and love should be cherished and not toyed with. What is most important, however, is for me to be ME, to accentuate the good and eliminate the bad, that is my mission. Remember, happiness lies in your own hand. No apologies and....absolutely NO regrets.

May 24, 1999 - No words can express the shock i am in right now. One moment, we're watching a pre-taped Owen Hart interview, and laughing at his Blue Blazer gimmick. The next moment we're all praying for his well-being. A class act like him did NOT deserve to go that way. Someone screwed up big time. However, all we can do is move on, and keep moving on. So let's do that, because Owen would want it that way. One person said it best...'heaven needed a superhero, so they called for a Blazer.' We'll miss you, Owen.

June 15, 1999 - Wow, what a summer! My senior year of college has been extended by another semester, which is fine by me. Gives me a little more time to decide what i'm going to do with my life. All i know now is i do NOT want a regular 9 to 5 job, or a telemarketing job. Believe it or not, crazy little me has been thinking about going out for a professional wrestling job or even an acting career. The latter seems more probable, considering the fact that i'm undersized, even if i am nuts! :) I actually want to be able to play with my kids when i have them, so acting seems like the safer road. Looks like i'll be flipping burgers for 10 years. At least i have my college degree to fall back on. I can't believe it has been 4 years already. It seemed like just yesterday i was a naive freshman roaming aimlessly around Livingston campus. Now I'm just a naive senior! :) Kidding, of course, but we all learn lessons everyday, no matter how old we are. The point of life is NOT to look for a reason to live, just LIVE!

August 16, 1999 - Well, another summer is drawing to an end, believe it or not. The last one of the millenium, although i'm not as sentimental as other people. You know, the people who think that the world will magically transform into some utopia when the ball drops in Times Square. Anyway, I finally got a job, and i don't like it. It's telemarketing, and I don't see how ANYONE can do this for more than a month. It's just SO tedious, and i'm doing it for 8 hours tomorrow night. Well at least it's money. I have more news, but when I get too happy, something bad happens...I think it's the Bundy curse, so to speak. But I WILL talk about it later, promise! For now, I need to write some more songs, I might meet a producer soon. See what happens when I don't write here. Just remember, regret and anger are wasteful emotions, you can do so much more in your life if you eliminate these, believe me and be good to each other.

November 14, 1999 - Hey there, long time, no talk!! :) Well, I am graduating in another month or so, and now I have some idea of what I'm going to do. As well, the good news I haven't had the time to write here is that I've finally met someone I can trust and who trusts me unconditionally. I know things won't always be perfect, but I honestly want to make this relationship work. I wanted to put a wall around myself and just concentrate on whatever I was doing at the time but she showed me that it was okay to care about someone. I don't know how to put into words the way I feel about her, and sometimes those 3 words just won't cut it. I've always said that actions speak louder than words, I think I should try to follow that motto. But the one thing I do know, without a doubt is that we love each other, and I'm so happy because of her now. I adore you, Nore! :)

July 16, 2001 - I can't believe it has been 2 years since I have wrote in here!!! Well, since the last time I wrote in here, I have graduated, lost my girlfriend, got back with her, lost one of my best college friends(and roommate) to sheer stupidity, traveled to Chicago, Europe and back to Chicago, and have gotten a job in a Catholic school as a teacher. It really wasn't all that eventful(well....i guess it was.) Anyhow, that's my last 2 years in a nutshell, and I promise to go into detail(not about everything though) later. Peace!!!

UPDATE:I'm going to dedicate a page to all the stuff that happened that doesn't fall into the continuity of this page(like my graduation, random trips) it should be more interesting since i'll be looking back instead of writing in the midst of the trauma/jubilation. IN ADDITION, the continuation of this section will be on a new page as well.

jt

Absolutely no regrets

My poetry page "Whisper In The Wind"

Check out the NEW BIO SECTION JT, The Wonder Years!

Go back to the main page!

© 1997 hbk1@yahoo.com

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