February 16 - Here I am. I start at Chi-Chi's on Tuesday, everyone - wish me some luck. After you spend about an hour doing that, read this. Maybe you'll like it. Maybe you'll hate it. Maybe I'll care. NOT!

Okay, now that I have gotten over my disbelief that I actually said that, has anyone heard Madonna's remake of "American Pie"? When I first heard it, I didn't know it was Madonna. Upon hearing that awful techno beat, I immediately shit my pants. Let me just say that I have the utmost respect for Madonna. She's managed to stick around for as long as she has, and that deserves some credit in this fickle world. Also, there aren't too many things she's done that I haven't liked. But come on, Madonna..."American Pie"? Isn't that just pushing the envelope a leeeeetle bit too hard? I'd rather it have been you than some talentless floozy whose name I won't even remember next year, but that song is untouchable. Also, if you were going to remake it, why couldn't you have made it a good remake? It has been done, you know. Why, look at "Mony Mony" and "Without You" and "Since I Don't Have You." Those are tasteful remakes - an homage to the original song, if you will. But what you've done is just pure homespun shit. Of course, your voice is fabulous as usual, but that disgusting techno background...good golly, I almost vomited tomato soup all over my sofa. (Actually, I hate tomato soup, we call it a couch, and I wasn't even in the living room, but that's beside the point.) The song is long as all hell, too, and you only do like, two verses! Get with it, Madonna, for God's sake! It's fine to desecrate our Lord and Savior by burning the symbol of His love for mankind in your video, but Don McLean? Who'd have ever thought that you'd come to this, Material Girl?

February 12 - I am sitting here with the Backstreet Boys in my computer's CD player and singing at the top of my lungs. I'm sorry, but the Millennium CD is so great. I really like dance music, and I like ballads, too, so it's one of the few CDs that I can actually stand to listen to straight through. Also, I'm in love with "I Want It That Way." It makes no sense, but who gives a fuck?

So here's the requisite Valentine's Day commentary. I'd like to hate Valentine's Day, but I can't. It's easy to say that you hate it when you're single, so easy that it's kind of become cliche, but I really don't hate it. As much as I'd like to profess my hatred for St. Valentine and everything that low-down son-of-a-bitch stood for, I can't, because I want to be a part of it (New York, New York...). I want to be with some gorgeous guy who sends me flowers and brings me chocolates and a mushy card and some underwear or something. I want to have had to go shopping for a pair of glow-in-the-dark boxers for him, or maybe some chocolate body paint. I want to go to a nice restaurant and sit at a candlelit table for two with a guy playing the violin next to us. I don't know, I guess I haven't reached the point of all-encompassing bitterness that my older counterparts have reached.

Question of the day: Do you really care? Seriously, now. If you are actually reading and caring, e-mail me. I've noticed that I'm not getting many hits lately, and I've wondered if I'm losing my audience. Am I? Reassure me, folks.

February 11 - I am in the most intense period of self-loathing that I've had in such a very long time. Goddamn, I and my life are so pathetic it's not even funny. And since it's not even funny, I won't bore you with it. (Gee whiz, Meg, could you get a little more "Dawson's Creek" on our asses, please?)

So I got a job. Get ready to get salsafied, because I am now employed at Chi-Chi's. How exciting. Actually, I'm kind of glad, because 1) I'm broke as all hell, 2) I need some kind of diversion from the same old shit, although I'm sure it won't be long until this job becomes the same old shit, 3) I have no life, so maybe I can establish some kind of life through work and not sit around in Perkin's all fuckin' day long with the same fuckin' people all the time, and 4) did I mention I'm broke as hell? Gee, maybe if I'm real lucky I'll be able to work all the time and get me a fat sack o' cash to not spend because I'm busy working all the time.

Okay, there's one thing that always bothers me about Tina J's page, That Cracker's Crazy. I love her page - it's my inspiration, meaning that I've unashamedly ripped off basically every single thing about it while feverishly hoping that she doesn't notice/mind - but there's one thing that always frustrates me, and it's not her fault. She never gets personal, but then again, she never gets personal enough. What I mean is that she'll be talking about a situation, but the reader doesn't know what the situation is, so it's impossible to truly understand what she's talking about. The point is that I'm now going to do the exact same thing. If you really care and if I like you, e-mail me and I'll give you the details and actually tell you what this is about. Shit, I don't even have to like you - I'll probably tell you anyway.

Let us begin with about a month ago, when I got this fortune cookie. If you know anything about my personal life, you know that fortune cookies are unbelievably accurate for me. I got one once on a Saturday that said, "There's a good chance of a romantic encounter sometime soon," and one of my lucky numbers was 15. On the following Wednesday, the 15th - BAM! Romantic encounter. Big time. And that's just the most recent example. So I got this one about a month ago that said, "Accept the next proposition posed to you." I've been keeping careful tabs since then, and no one has propositioned me for anything. I mean, all the normal propositions normally posed in everyday life? Zero. Not one. There's always something that keeps it from being a serious proposition. Well, I got this proposition this week, and it's a big deal proposition, and I've been practically pacing the floor considering it for the past few days. If I were the live-for-today-fuck-what-everyone-else-thinks-of-me-spontaneous-party-girl that I wish I were, there would be no question, but I am not that girl. The thing is, if I were to accept this proposition, I have absolutely no idea what the repercussions would be. They could go several different ways, and I have no idea which of them is even the most likely. I try to be realistic about everything, but I have a tendency to idealize everything and make it into some kind of fairy tale. I've really done my best not to do that in this particular situation. I separated myself from the situation and looked at it from an objective point of view and put myself in the other person's position, and nothing. Now, you know that friend that you always run to for advice? That's me, for everyone. I give good advice because instead of giving the advice that I'd like to give, I give the advice that will solve the problem. Now, this particular proposition is a big, big deal to me. Why can't I figure it out? If you're the resident advice girl/guy in your posse, e-mail me, for God's sake. I'll fill you in on the D's and let you make up your mind.

Sorry for getting all journal-y on your ass. It happens to the best of us, I suppose. Golly, just up there I said that I wasn't going to bore you with my unfunny personal issues, and I just did. Oh, well. Know what's a good song? "Paradise City," by Guns 'n Roses. It's running through my head right now. I do the best Axl Rose imitation of anyone I know. By the way, this is new, and it sucks, so look at it if you want, but no one's holding a gun to your head here.

February 4 - Damn! Once again I was incapacitated, and once again no one cares. I can't believe that it's February already. I mean, it's been over a month since New Year's Eve. I guess time flies when you're bored off your ass.

So what's shakin' since I last put fingers to keys? Well, I...um...did nothing. For those of you who have never read it, I highly recommend reading A Connecticut Yankee in King Arthur's Court. It's my new favorite book. You guys'll enjoy it, I think. I'll probably add something new before I say sayonara for the day, so stay tuned. Later: This is new.