Taco Bell

Is it even necessary to discuss Taco Bell on a webpage? At first I thought it wasn't, but I realized there are some valuable things we could all learn by sharing our Taco Bell experiences, and warning others. This is a free forum where your thoughts about Taco Bell can be posted. All you have to do is mail me what you would like to tell the world by clicking on the dog, and I will post your words right here on this page. You can write a long winded story, or just a 2 word blurb about how Taco Bell made you throw up. I do not believe in Taco censorship, feel free to say whatever you like. I too will share my Taco tales on this page, so check back often.

Dan LaRusso...May 25, 1999

Years ago, we were sitting in a Taco Bell in Landover, Maryland. We were on a lunch break from work. I was just beginning to unwrap my soft shell beef taco when I saw a look of disbelief and anquish from my fellow worker. I followed her eyes down to her tray and there was a cockroach crawling away from her Mexi-melt. Now, the little feller was sort of struggling because he (she?) was all gooey with cheese. The funny thing was that instead of immediately getting ill and leaving, the rest of us sat there and discussed the merits of eating OUR meals. Luckily, good sense prevailed and we threw our meals out.

Kenneth Blair...January 27, 1999 i have some meditations to add to your taco bell archives. i think that perhaps when i become most disconcerted with taco bell, is when i have just delighted in a 7-layer burrito, and i am fiending for something sweet to balance my palate. now, i know that they sell churros, and i am familiar with the choco taco (Editor's note: the "choco taco" is not available in Canada, but it's a crazy dessert taco with ice cream and chocolate), but i want more. i think that it would be not only novel, but delicious, if tb were to experiment with different sorts of desert tacos and/or burritos. i have thought of a few examples, perhaps a banana cream tamale or a strawberry and rhubarb burrito would be nice. these may not be the best examples, but i wanted to illustrate the myriad of possibilities that exist within the framework of tb's pre-existing paradigm. another suggestion that i have could possibly catapult taco bell to rex magnus status among its "fast food" counterparts. i think that taco bell would find itself enjoying unprecedented success if it were to install slushy margarita machines. that would just kick ass, and you surely can't taste the high life at burger king, so tb would be pioneering. finally, lest any taco nazis think i am badgering tb, i have created an ode that will hopefully demonstrate my rapture with tb.
i burn for the tacos, the sauce firesauce from above like glue dripping down a rain soaked tamale 8-8 = me you sit alongside infinity i cannot grasp your infinite ways onions and cheese set my heart ablaze with you i am fine apart lonely factor nine i wait for you, clad in my speedos my tongue quivers for your burritos i am empty like a lone pocket of pita you fill me like the middle of a hot southwest gordita i tremble and my mouth becomes moist in anticipation of your bounty to which my mouth i shall hoist fin

William Brent...January 18, 1999 I've got a couple of things to say. First of all, I received an E-mail from someone who was upset about this page because she worked at Taco Bell and really had a soft spot for it in her heart. I really intended to post her words here, but unfortunately I received that E-mail while I was on vacation at my mom's house, and it is now officially lost. So, anonymous Taco Bell lady, if you read this, PLEASE write me again and let everyone know your feelings. This time I will post it immediately.

Now that that's out of the way, let me say this: We don't know how lucky we are out here. I was recently in Vancouver, B.C., where they don't have Taco Bell. They have something there called Taco Time. IT IS NOT THE SAME THING. I went in there and tried to order a veggie burrito of some sort, and the waitress then replied,

"Ok, so...what, do you want the steak fajita?"
"No, I don't want any meat, just vegetables."
"How about the chicken fajita?"
"I don't want any MEAT!"
"The chicken fajita doesn't have any meat!"

At this point I just stared at her in disbelief for a while. Then finally I repeated myself and said, "Look, just make a regular fajita, and leave off any steak, chicken or any other sort of meat that is in it." She then said, "ohhhhh," as if I hadn't been clear before. So finally, my order was understood. I paid $3.50 for this thing, so I was expecting grilled vegetables or something. I sit down, take a bite, and realize that they had made me a burrito filled with shredded lettuce and cheddar cheese, and nothing else. I paid $3.50 for shredded lettuce, some cheese, and a tortilla. At this point, I noticed a big pump that said "HOT SAUCE." I figured I could use something to spice this thing up. So I put a squirt or two on my awful awful excuse for a burrito. I took one bite, and I swear to you that I almost threw up. It was not hot sauce in any sense of the word. First of all, temperature-wise, it was chilled. Secondly, it tasted exactly like they had just taken the sauce from a can of spaghettios and put it in the dispenser. it was just sugary tomato sauce. OH MY DEAR LORD IT WAS GROSS. Needless to say, when I got back home, I was thankful for the food that I normally refer to as swill. At least Taco Bell food resembles mexican food on some level. Taco Time served me the worst food I think I have ever eaten in a restaurant.

William Brent...October 7, 1998 Now, you say they use a soy mixture now, but I have called the Taco Bell hotline (1-800 TACO BEL), and they insist that their meat is 100% Grade A beef. I'm not saying I don't believe you, but I wonder how they can legally say its beef if it isn't. It wouldn't surprise me at all if they found some loophole in syntax or something. An Anonymous Taco Admirer...October 7, 1998 It might interest people to know that Taco Bell used to serve an item called the BellBeefer. It was a hamburger bun filled with taco meat (before it became the soy mixture they use now to save money) topped with onions. It was a killer munchie, but must have been a financial loser to them cause they no longer serve it. Make one at home yourself--they're great. Phatty...August 10, 1998 I worked at Taco Bell about a year ago and I must admit it was the worst mistake I've ever made in my life. On the bright side, I did gain a few good stories from it. I was working one day in my gay puple uniform that didn't fit, oh wait...nothing I wear fits, and one of the worst cases of white trash walked in. He comes up and orders a meal for 5 people and its clear that he is alone and says to me "man I'm tired." Now, I'm thinking "Oh shit, we have a talker... abort... ABORT!!!" But I say, very happily, "really?" Genius says "yeah, I just threw a guy through a windsheild" I'm thinking "What the fuck!!! why here? why me? why the fuck now!!!!!" And with my quick wits I say "really." Trailer trash then says "I was so pissed at him... he raped my girlfriend." HE SAYS THIS CASUALLY!!!!!? Now I ask you WHAT THE HELL DO YOU SAY TO THAT????? So I say "thats gotta suck." But what I'm thinking is "please kill me, lord, take my life, I hate Taco Bell, I'd rather taste test the new product 'cat shit in a bag' !!!"

So I urge all of you never, never eat Taco Bell and for godsake never work there and don't TALK!

William Brent...August 3, 1998 Well, now I'm back from California. Lucky for everyone in Canada that knows me, I brought back a crapload of Fire Sauce. For you Canadians who don't know what that is, it's the hot sauce available in the States which is a little hotter than the hot sauce here in Canada. I have plenty for everyone, so if you want some just gimme your address and I'll mail you some.

William Brent...June 16, 1998

I just got back from my trip to Sweden yesterday. The whole time, I had to cope without TB. I hope they get it over there soon. They had Pizza Hut, so they'll have to get TB soon. Anyway, what I thought I'd share was my experience at the taco restaurant they had there. It is called "Taco Bar". I figured since it had the same initials, it couldn't be that bad. And it wasn't. It was good. I guess this story kind of sucks, but now I have written it, so I'm keeping it. But that name is funny anyway...Taco Bar.

Ann-Charlotte Jansson...May 8, 1998 It might be interesting for you Americans and Canadians to know that we don't have Taco Bell here in Europe. I did, however, eat at Taco Bell since William (yes the William) took me there when I was in Canada. Since I am very picky about food, I ate a somewhat modified taco with some meat thing in it (I don't remember what it was called) {Editor's note: it was a Steak Soft Taco with only meat and cheese}, so I didn't feel sick at all afterwards. In fact, it was very good.
But to my point here. After having read all these little jewels of Taco experiences it seems like you often get sick after having been there. And now I have three questions:

1) If Taco Bell food makes people sick, why hasn't anyone reported that to some health inspection
authority?

2) If the service is so bad, why hasn't anyone complained?

3) And most of all I wonder: if you get sick from eating Taco Bell food WHY ON EARTH DO YOU GO
BACK THERE???? In every entry on this page it says "I got sick and threw up like a stoned pig and
I'm gonna go back and order the same Taco Bell item tomorrow".

My answer would be that you like to torture yourselves. Conclusion: America and Canada is packed with food masochists. Thank God that I live in Europe. ;)

William Brent...May 3, 1998     I went to Toronto yesterday, and since I knew I would be going to Taco Bell, I brought my imported Fire Sauce (c/o Brent and Bill). Anyway, I really like the TB's in TO, but this time it really threw me for a loop. This isn't really a complaint, I guess it's actually a good thing. When I was looking at the menu, I saw that you can now order Pizza Hut personal pizzas right there in TB. I didn't get one, but my friends did. I got some discarded crusts from one of them, and I have to say it wasn't bad at all. Tasted just like Pizza Hut. There are some Taco purists out there who will probably object to tainting the Taco environment with pizza, but come on! Loosen up! It doesn't interfere with the regular menu. You just order what you want, and let others do the same. On a larger scale, this is a representation of SOCIETY. As long as one group doesn't hurt another, diversity is a great thing. Variety is the SPICE of life. So relax people, it's just pizza. Jeremy Clegg...April 30, 1998     HI everybody. I'm really glad this forum exists so that I can express my extreme LOVE and HATRED for Taco Bell. My latest encounter took place about a week ago. It was an average day, the weather was nice, so my pal Luke and I decided to patronize our lord Taco Bell.
    Now, what you might not realize is that here in Victoria, BC, Canada, the only Taco Bell is in the same place as the KFC, unfortunately this means that the TB menu is quite limited.. no Mexi Melts! [ TB Fak-toid : Taco Bell, KFC, and Pizza Hut are all owned by the same company. It used to be Pepsi, but then all the granolas started dissing the Pepsi Co (although I might add that as an employee of Pizza Hut myself [the highest of the Pepsico hierarchy], I didn't really care as I was being exploited <http://www.tcel.com/~sp/ > anyway ). Anyway, I forget where I was going, I think it had something to do with the fact that TB, KFC, and "The Hut" all now belong to "TRICON" corporation.]
    So I ordered a Big Fill combo #3 (fries supreme, 2 tacos, and a bevvy), and Luke got a 7 layer (for more info , see William's post). We ate, and felt mildly sick. I figured I had a mashy sickness [scale used to determine how sick the TB made you, 1-10, 1 being "ready for more" and 10 being "I am puking my guts out, and I might die in my trance] of about 6.. relatively mild. Luke was claiming to be at a 3 the lucky bastard. So we had a smoke to get rid of mashy sickness, and headed off home.
    We got in the door, and sat down for a minute. Not 5 minutes later, Luke is throwing up all over the place! I have NEVER seen this "creeper" effect before. It seems that the genetic engineers down at TBHQ have been working overtime lately. I am wondering if this was an isolated incident, or a common ground between other TB's across the land. Suffice it to say I'm going there for lunch today though. William Brent...April 24, 1998     Ok, now this was a strange thing. You know how in my last post I was bitching about how I hate cold 7 layers? Well, I always ask for them to heat it up now, even if it usually doesn't work. So this time, I asked the guy if he could heat it up for me. These were his exact words: "I could heat it up, but there is sour cream and guacamole in there. If you heat it up, it will make the toppings hot, so it wouldn't taste as good." I told him that I like it that way, and he responded with "\/\/hatever." Then he scoffed and mumbled to his co-worker, "I guess the customer is always right."
    I'm sorry. I know I look like an idiot, but I think even idiots are smart enough to know that when they ask for something to be "heated up", the item in question will get hotter. I've been comfortable with this concept for many years now. I don't need him to explain that to me. I just couldn't believe the amount of attitude I was getting from this kid. He thought he was some sort of expert chef or something. Since when do Taco Bell employees strive to create a taste sensation for their customers? I go there expecting a kid to mindlessly slop a bunch of crap in a tortilla, and heat it up if I ask. That's not a big request, and I'm always really polite, even in cases such as this one. Maybe it's not really Taco Bell's fault. Maybe it's just that awful attitude that seems to be getting more and more common amongst teenagers. Natalie Brent a.k.a. ZenaWitch...April 23, 1998     What I have for you is not exactly a Taco Bell story; It is more of a query. I saw MIRV last night with my crackhead friends, and upon watching MIRV's twisted facial expressions, I got suspicious. You see, I do believe that MIRV's eyes are not of the human variety, but were taken from those googley eye straws that TB distributed as a novelty item. Is this true? If so, where can I go to report it?

Joel Meggs...April 14, 1998     I just got back from Cape Breton. I decided to have lunch at TB in Sydney, but when I got to the counter to place my order the guy said they were out of beef. Honest to god. I said "When Beaver Lumber runs out of wood they close the store". Quest For Fire boy didn't seem to catch the hint there so
I was reduced to a lunch of chicken soft tacos.
    Now, in response to all of you who find it immensely funny to dump on TB (Taco Bell, not tuberculosis), although I do agree that it is a bit of a crap shoot when you order there because you are not likely to get anything that even closely resembles your order (especially at the drive through), it is still, to my mind, the best fast food outlet in the Western hemesphere. And I've had their breakfast in the States and their breakfast burritos are excellent. So get off TB's back. William Brent...April 12, 1998     Well, I'm back from the aforementioned Taco Bell trip. Generally it was ok, but it reminded me of a major complaint I have. The food is NEVER hot enough. I got a 7 layer that was totally cold. It was like some sort of disgusting macaroni salad. Even after I went back to get it heated up, it was STILL cold. God I hate that. I really don't like cold Taco Bell. They have those incredibly hot little heater-upper things, why don't they use them to their full capacity?
    And another thing, does Taco Bell have any place serving breakfast? Luckily, TB breakfast isn't an option in Canada, so I don't even have to think about it. I did, however, try it once when I was in California. In fact, Brent was with me. I think I got some sort of egg Mcmuffin thingie, and it was crappy. All I know for sure is, it had nothing to do with mexican food. What a bunch of phonies.

William Brent...April 12, 1998
    This is a warning for those of you out there who have been considering eating any Taco Bell product with bacon in it. DON'T! Don't do it! Trust me. Bill and I ate the bacon cheeseburger burritos when they first came out, and Bill really got sick. I remember him rolling around on the floor at his house, and his dad thought he was on drugs or something. I only got mildly sick because I didn't eat as much as Bill.
    They put this weird kind of sauce on it that just makes you want to throw up, and the bacon is of the lowest quality available. The only reason I could think of to eat one of those things would be for a cheap buzz, but you really pay the price. It's not really a pleasant buzz either, so you would be best to just avoid it. Well, I'm gonna go to TB right now, so maybe I'll make another post when I get back if anything weird happens. S-HCM/Ybase a.k.a. The Smartest Man Alive...April 10, 1998 Gather around children, cause I'm going to tell you a tale; a tale of both mystery and intrigue. It is the Myth of the Garden Variety Shell. Oooohhh, scary. But wait, it gets better. It's more than myth, it is a tale which has become common folklore, which is not known to be either true or false. Once upon a time, three bored punks decided to do a test, a test which would ultimately decide the fate of the world. They decided to see how well Taco bell could: a) stay clean in any way, and b) stand up against mother nature. The young freaks ripped off of a piece of Soft Taco, and placed it in the closest fake plant. The battle was on, Taco Bell vs. Nature. Who would survive? At first, it seemed as though mother nature would prevail, hardening the taco shell and draining it of it's Taco Bell power. But Taco Bell won round two, quickly showing why it has taken the health of so many virile young men; lasting a month, the Taco showed no further signs of losing. Two months passed. Nary a dent in the shell. It still held true to its shape, and held fast to the plastic plant. Six months. Still had not yielded to mother nature, still held its shape. It was unnatural. It was the greatest moment of the three idiot's lives. Later that week the Taco disappeared. There was no reason. It had been doing fine. It seemed prepared to go the distance. What happened to it? Did it move on? Had it served its purpose? Had it taught all it could teach? N one knows for sure, but they say on a busy day, you can still see the piece of Taco hiding out on the floor, or in a plant, or in the bathroom. Drew a.k.a. Quik...April 9, 1998    I would in fact like to report a somewhat disturbing Taco Bell story.. One day minding my own business, I walked into the near by Taco Bell. First of all some mexican guy took my order (not to sterotype but i've never ever even seen a mexican in taco bell much less working there, even here where we have a huge mexican population.) As unsettling as this was, he was incredibly nice and even offered to tell me about some of their menu items. At this point I almost wrote the managment a letter about this horrific act of niceness in one of their Taco Bells, but I dismissed it, as maybe the guy is new and doesnt know better. So I ate my food felt sick when I was done, as normal. Then it happened: Mr. nice guy comes over asks to remove my tray for me and then offers me a dinner mint. Now I know Taco Bell and Pizzahut are owned by the same people, but please keep the mints at pizza hut where they belong. At this point I got in my car and drove off as fast as I could. I did later find out this was some new thing they were trying, but it was far to unsettling for me to ever go back to that Taco Bell again. I now drive 15 minutes to the next closest one.

William Brent...April 9, 1998    Geez...up here in Canada we don't have anything called "Gorditas". What are they like? I might have to make a real run for the border to find out. Bill Parnell...April 9, 1998 The Gorditas are good, but I have two words: VIVA CHIMICHANGAS William Brent...April 9, 1998     I'll get this party started myself, with my latest Taco Bell experience. I went there with a friend a couple days ago, hoping to try something new. I tried the "Mexican Pizza". It wasn't really disgusting, but it wasn't really good either. The upper layer was this fried tortilla sort of thing, and it was really gross. Other than that, it was like every other Taco Bell item. I wouldn't really reccommend it though. I prefer the 7-layer burrito. Those things can really bloat you up, so you don't have to eat for a long time.
It's strange how you always crave Taco Bell even though it always makes you sick. One day I hope to fully understand this enigmatic restaurant.