You know you’re an obsessed Just Shoot Me fan when...

You know you’re an obsessed
fan when...

-You set your personal schedule around Thursdays at 9:30 PM/8:30 PM Central

-You learn to play the banjo in the hopes that you would impress George Segal if you ever met

-You own every banjo music CD George Segal ever recorded

-you marry a supermodel after only 3 days of dating.

-you start to collect matchbooks or old comics and/or dolls.

-you go out of your way to stay home on Tuesday nights.

-You go to a Schlotzsky’s and try to order a "Jack Gallo sandwich" only to find out there’s no such thing

-When you hear about three gay men getting arrested for "doing it" in the bushes at a local park, you call it a "Jack Gallo Sandwich"

-Your immediate instinct when you see a pneumatic tube at a motor-bank is to stick pens, pencils and tennis balls into it and wonder where they go

-You try to figure out which canary at the pet store is the alpha male.

-You check every newsstand in town and can’t find a copy of Blush anywhere

-You try to call Mr. Chang to fix your old jacket, but you find out he's just a floating head in a jar.

-You think any guy that orders a Sea Breeze is gay

-You have the same fantasy over and over about your ex-husband sneaking into your room wearing a pirate costume, and then making mad, passionate love

-You were dumped by an ornithologist because your name is related to some bird

-You decide that short swishy guys with longish, fruity hair that remind you of Dennis Finch, especially if their name IS Dennis Finch, are the sexiest guys on the planet

-You get thrilled every time someone brings you a ceramic kitten as a souvenir from a trip

-You have a friend pose as an advice columnist named "Miss Pretty"

-You ask your friends how often they blush and what causes it.

-When you are tempted to play a practical joke on your coworkers, a little devil appears on your left shoulder to encourage you, but no angel appears on your right shoulder to discourage you

-You ask your boss if you can have two short "jolts" so that you can have one long, prolonged "jolt".

-When you need comfort or spiritual gudiance, you seek out his holiness the Reverend Singh Chop Chow

-You remember every aspect of Nina's life from her special "Biography" episode

-You use Jack's instructions on how to act superior and then start trying to boss your coworkers around

-Some Japanese guy pays $30,000 for one of your old bikinis

-You try scaring a coworker as a practical joke by inviting all your fellow employees from your work, and you dressing up as a jack in the box, and then popping up singing circus music.

-You see a tall, heavily made-up woman in a giraffe-patterned dress and call out "Nina?"

-you unplug your phone on Thursday nights.

-You tell your boyfriend/girlfriend they would look so much better with feathered hair

-you put all your old photos of yourself in your office.

-insulting your friends at work comes naturally to you.

-You invest money in an underground nightclub, only to have it "go up in flames"

-You have stolen someone else's personality

-Your favorite insults are in song form

-You are fired from a job for having sat down naked in your boss' birthday cake

-After you get fired for having sex with your boss' spouse, you get a job working for a hip-hop artist

-You prepare muffins for a co-worker then send him/her for a walk in Central Park with his/her "jacket" and his/her "briefcase."

-You make an anchor woman cry on air

-Your neighbor dies, but no one will believe you because they're too busy with the murder mystery party you're hosting

-You sign up for a photography class and don’t even bat an eye when the instructor asks for a nude self portrait

-You actually meet an informant on a toxic waste dumping scandal in the sewers

-An African-American man pretends to be related to you, even though you are a Caucasian person

-You & your girlfriend invite another couple to go swing-dancing, but they assume you mean a different kind of "swinging!"

-You want to name your children after one of the characters

-You watch Mr. Roger's Neighborhood and wonder if the conflicts of the puppets are veiled references to annoying things you do

-You have to borrow money from your Dad for oral surgery since you took some bad advice and "split 10s" while playing blackjack in a casino

-You sing a jingle every time you find out you’re having chicken pot-pie for dinner

-You call paper money "green quarters"

-You flip through an issue of Cosmopolitan but it just isn’t the same

- Your best friend, a lumberjack, finds any woman remotely attractive that you do

-Tyra Banks sprays mace in your face because she thinks you’re crazy, when actually your boss just poured hot tea on you or hit you in the crotch with a golf ball, etc.

-You have every single episode on videotape.

-If you ever hear a song by Snoop Dogg on the radio you start to cry while mumbling "He loved that little blonde fool, and now he'll never see him again!"

-In order to confuse a woman into sleeping with you, you say "I love you" when she's angry

-You look on WhoWhere for real-life people named Maya Gallo, Jack Gallo, Nina Van Horn, Elliott DiMauro, and Dennis Finch.

-You know every movie reference made in every episode shown on TV

-You pretend to be married to your coworker so they can get a nice, low-rent apartment managed by a crazy old lady

-You create and post a list like this on the internet

-Said list starts to get out of hand because of all the nit-picky submissions...

Special thanks to Cardi Chung, Julie Zhou-Lewis, Bill Fong, Gina (a.k.a. Spadegal), Jamie Ghione, David Goldstein, Rapa, Dave S. Augspurger, Annette Willman, Presto9685, Chloe from Australia, P Clark and Carrie for help with this list.

Have one to add? Send it in an EMail and if it is good enough, I will post it here and give you credit!

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