MELTY LANCER
Brought to you by the Ministry of Ridiculous Organization Names (MORON)
Review by: Craig “Squishy Reviewer” Norris
Length: 6 episode OAV
Genre: Action, sci-fi
Watched: All, subbed
With Hollywood turning everything it can get its claws on into one-star popcorn flicks (comic books, video games, novels, TV series, even other movies), I often turn back to anime to show me something truly innovative; something I’ve never seen before. Many times I am rewarded with a character, or a plot twist, or even a song that really strikes me as original. This time, however, was not one of those instances. Melty Lancer proves that Hollywood’s sinister influence is spreading across seas, and Japanese animation studios are getting in on the one-shot cash cows of rehashing marginally exceptional concepts.
Plot synopsis: An organization of mercenaries known as Defiant has perpetuated a rash of thefts in order to obtain the DNA of rare and threatened species at the behest of Yeyonesco, a mysterious entity with far-reaching connections. To combat the thefts, the anti-extraterrestrial crime unit Melty Lancer is reunited after being disbanded for a year. With a new commanding officer (that was recently freed from prison), the six girls of Melty Lancer investigate Defiant and its connection to Yeyonesco, and uncover a plot that threatens all life in the universe.
Artwork: The cel animation is decent. The CG, on the other hand, shows that it is obsolete (it was rendered in 1999, after all). While it holds its ground when used in less elaborate scenes, there is an annoying tendency for the CG to share screen space with the cell animation. The two do not mesh well, to say the least. The use of CG for space fighting scenes mixed with the traditional cell animation for smaller crafts and crew members reminds me of Vandread, and experiences the same set of problems.
Music: The soundtrack is capably rendered, and isn’t bad, considering it only had six episodes of life. The opening and closing themes are J-pop, which I found to be a predictable and unflattering choice. A couple of the in-episode tracks were pretty nice, as well, although the majority were unable to leap from the background and really grab my attention. All things considered it was fairly successful, but I hardly believe it warrants much merit as a stand-alone album.
Characters: The characters that were thrown together unfortunately came off as being very stereotypical of a “female cop” anime. You have the gun nut (Sylvia), the cutesy catgirl (Angela), the soft-spoken religious girl (Sakuya), the angry tomboy (Jun), the prepubescent genius (Nany), and the tough but compassionate leader (Melvina). And, of course, they are all huddled under the umbrella that is their disgraced and more-caring-than-he-seems commanding officer seeking redemption (Collins). Throw in a jittery, overworked and underappreciated aide whose main function is comic relief, and out of this hodge-podge of personalities pops a cast that avoids innovation as if it were the sequel to Angel’s Egg (god forbid). Even the villains are straight off the assembly line, donning the familiar garb of former elite soldiers with no pasts who felt abandoned and commit crimes for money “because they have nowhere else to go.” Cry me a river. Without an original drop of ink on their pretty faces, the individuals of Melty Lancer are nothing more than overused personalities that appeal to the insecure masses that fear change.
Plot: The plot for this anime reminds me of one of those casseroles some people attempt to make out of last week’s leftovers; you know you’ve seen each layer somewhere before, and they leave a bad taste in your mouth when mixed together. Basically it’s another rendition of the worn-out story of a group of misfit heroines overcoming adversities thrown at them by their own employers, while uncovering a conspiracy within their own organization which leads to a plot that threatens the universe, all the while still looking pretty and spouting off about the value of friendship and integrity. It’s been done, and done, and done, and I’ve seen it far too many times to be impressed by it. Aside from the blasé plot, there were really no saving graces that gave the show any kind of an edge. It just seemed to slog along, content to merely go through the motions, from start to finish.
CHICKS!: If there is any reason at all to watch this anime, I suppose this is it. As unoriginal as the girls are, they still are plenty nice to look at. Sylvia is the token long-haired blond who is not the leader but is still considered the focal point of the group. She is filled with all the typical emotions of a central character; she mopes when she is sad, she seeks revenge when an injustice has been committed, and she credits her friends when she is happy, among other predictable characteristics of the lead. Melvina is the well-dressed member of the group, as her political status means she is accustomed to formal wear. She seems to relish taking care of the behind-the-scenes work, so don’t expect her to want to go to a club or busy restaurant for her date. Jun is for all those confused guys who like a girl that looks like a little sister, but acts like an older brother. She’s argumentative, independent, and very un-feminine, and if not for her breasts would easily pass for a man under all but the most scantily-clad situations. Sakuya is easily the gentlest girl, as her religious nature allows her to see the bright side of just about everything. However, she seems a bit too religious to be considered truly valid girlfriend material. Unless you’re born again, in which case she’d make a truly pleasant life partner. Oh, and the catgirl, I fear, is underage. That was just one more slap in the face perpetuated by this uninspired production.
Overall: If you hate surprises, this is a fantastic anime to consider. However, if you’re like me and want something a bit more provocative that keeps you on the edge of your seat (or at least the front half of it), I would definitely avoid wasting three hours on this OAV. There are no original characters, there is no worthwhile plot, and the artwork just doesn’t jive. This anime is actually appropriately titled, since my interest in it melted away very quickly.
IN A NUTSHELL
+ Eye candy
- Cell animation + CG = suck
- Cliché characters
- No surprises
- No innovation
Rating: 3.5/10
Return to Index