SOME ADVICE
First and foremost I believe that a parent who feels him/herself unjustly treated in a custody or access conflict must remember that it is the cause of the child which is the most important factor involved. You will perhaps be confronted with an argument based on the lines of "if you really care you would leave us in peace". The question of course is whether a child will benefit more from this kind of arrangement which theoretically creates some form of stability in the short term, or an equal, strong, balanced relationship with both its biological parents. I believe vehemently in the latter alternative wherever it is possible. Moreover by choosing the former, a parent leaves him/herself open later on for accusations of negligence from either the ex, or even more seriously the child. It is vitally important to keep fighting hard for a child's right to both its parents. And at all costs to keep negative feelings to exs well out of anything to do with the children. It must never be construed by them that it is their fault that things are not working out.
It is obviously very difficult to fight these things alone. Personally I am very happy that I was able to find assistance when I most needed it. You have to admit to yourself that there are certain times when you need help. There are groups out there. The Social Bureau where I lived supplied me, at no cost, with a counsellor who I meet a couple of times a month and talk to. She has been brilliant.
Other groups offer help for men in crisis and are, in my experience, Manscentrum was good. In Sweden there are so called "Mansjours" which are also an alternative. Wherever you are don't be afraid to ask- talking really helps. It keeps you reasonably sane and gives perspective and support.
If you want to comment or to ask questions then email me. I would love to here from you. And if you are also involved in a custody or access battle then GOOD LUCK!! And keep on fighting for the rights of our children... |
