Back before independent comic books were available at grocery stores and newsstands, James O'Barr created what has become probably the most well known and commercialized black and white "graphic novel" (i.e. comic book) in history: the Crow. Of course, this movie comes from said collection, and director Alex Proyas sticks pretty true to the original plan, though fleshing out some of the supporting cast and taking the atmosphere and setting to a bigger plane, going from the wide open small time feel of the first, and putting it into a claustrophobic city scene without losing the dark, corrupt, tragic feel O'Barr intended. The comic origins of the movie aside, The Crow was also a landmark film, because it was the movie that killed Brandon Lee, son of the late great ass kicker and subject of the funniest Lipton Brisk Tea commercial in history, Bruce Lee. Like his father, Brandon was struck down on the set. During a shoot out scene, one of the guns had a real bullet when they should all have been loaded with blanks. Wielding the gun was Michael Massee who played the role of Fun Boy. Not exactly a career to compare to his father's, though it's still kinda shitty when you think that the Bruce Lee legacy has been sawed off at the roots. Oh well, at least he died entertaining me. Besides, don't blame me, I was just doin’ my job...
We open on October 30th, the night before Halloween, "Devil's Night", a night known for arson and anarchy amongst the denizens of the city of… uhm... I think it's Detroit? It's also the night before Eric Draven (Brandon Lee) and his long time love Shelley Webster are to be wed in eternal happiness. But, don't start vomiting from all the mushy shit yet, cuz the starry-eyed couple is targeted for a good ol’ fashioned home invasion! Shelley is beaten and raped as Eric is held back to watch, then the gang pounds him shitless and send him sailing through the apartment's gothic picture window, doing a double-header triple axle to the unforgiving pavement below, with nothing more than shards of glass to, uhm, “soften” the fall. "One year later", Eric crawls forth from his grave, not showing a DAY's worth of decay as he is lead back from Limbo by the power of the Crow: an entity that allows those wronged in life to come back from the big dirt nap and get some sweet sweet revenge vigilante style, made flesh in the form of the bird of the same name... though when you think about it, crows are really nothing more than winged rats picking at carrion. Leave it to comics and movies to make a worthless scavenger an object of coolness. Then again, to Goths, anything black is cool. Then again, REAL Goths were barbarians of the middle ages who did nothing but pillage and guzzle mead all day, though I think it would’ve been a better movie on so many levels had the object of Mr. Draven’s rebirth been a stein of mead…
Now, back from the dead, it's time for Eric to kick some ass. First though, it's back to the dilapidated remains of his burnt out apartment, where Eric is subjected to violent flashbacks of that fateful night. They obviously didn't live in a good part of town, not only because they were murdered, but also because in the entire year the apartment's been unoccupied, not ONE person has moved in on it! Well, seeing one of Shelley's artsy clown-like masks hanging from her mirror, Eric is nailed by a spark of inspiration, painting his face up in black and white makeup to give himself that evil Harlequin look. Some people may not think it's that scary, but I painted my face up like that one year for Halloween, and every time I grinned at someone, they had a fucking heart attack! Oh wait, that was the year I didn't WEAR a costume... *rimshot*.
After slapping himself from head-to-toe in black leather and doing some acrobatic flips for the Hell of it, Eric is finally ready to take on the world as the dark Brian Boytano! Just shittin' ya, he's actually ready to dispense some whoop ass! And he's not alone either, as he and his stool pigeon, errr, stool crow (whom we'll call "Skip") are fueled by such heavy psychos as Stone Temple Pilots, Nine Inch Nails, the Rollins Band, and Helmet on the soundtrack. Nothing better than heavy metal death kill Satan loving rock music to serve up a cold dish of revenge!
While Eric and Skip work their way through the bad guys Voorhees style, he's also got a little something to help him out with the obvious disadvantage he has numbers wise: a healing factor that would put Wolverine to shame. Yep, that's one of the best parts about the Crow, as long as his bird is alive, so is he. Then again, I don't know if I'd put my existence in the hands of a bird whose species is well known for flying headfirst into semi grills, but hey, it's better than being eaten by worms. During the adventure, we're introduced to Sarah, a young girl who's pretty much an orphan, seeing as how her mom is a neglectful crack whore. Lucky for Sarah she was also a good friend to Eric and Shelley, so when he comes back he sets Sarah's mom straight, turning her from Courtney Love into a regular June Fucking Cleaver. While doing so, he also sticks one of his killers full of painful injections, so I guess he kills two birds with one stone... oh man, that was the biggest and most blatant pun I've set up in my millennias long career! Aside from Sarah, there's also police officer Albrecht (Ernie Hudson), the city's last "good cop" who handled the murder cases of Eric and Shelley, and has taken an interest in this crazy mime that's started corpsifying the local hoodlum populace. Eric has use for him though, as an informant. So, like I said, Eric gets medieval on some villain ass, using knives, guns, explosives, hypodermic needles, and a kamikaze hot rod (which also features a funny AND cool chase scene). At each death he leaves a crow symbol, usually in blood or fire.
Eventually, it comes down to Eric and one last killer: Skank. Skank's really nothing special, so to spice up the flick a little, Skank's boss Top Dollar gives the boy refuge. Don't misunderstand, he has no love for the dirt bag, he's just using him to lure in Eric, whom he's taken a serious interest in. Again, don't get the guy wrong, he's not into guys. Why should he, when he's got his sister Myca (Bai Ling!) to fuck... So, to prove himself muy macho, when Eric comes looking for Skank, Toppy says no and has his boys show Eric who's the boss (though we already know the answer: Tony Danza) through the use of automatic weapons. Seeing as how he's pretty much unkillable, the attack phases him about as much as some fucking heartburn, so he gets up, dusts himself off, and wastes wave upon wave of gun-toting extras in sunglasses and berets in one of the best pre-Matrix, non-Schwarzenegger shoot outs that Hollywood has to offer! After making a fool out of the local chapter of the Hollywood Stunt-Persons Union, Eric finally finishes the immediate vendetta that brought him back in the first place, tossing the weaselly Skank through a big pane of glass and racking his cranium off a packed dance floor 30 feet below. Now it's off to see the Wizard, as our painted anti-hero, finished with those DIRECTLY responsible for the death of he and his fair love, goes for the man who it turns out warranted the attack in the first place: Top Dollar. It’s not that he’s the type of peacock who feels the need to show off his plumage, he’s just the type to pull the old super villain mistake of "if the hero can have power, then there must be a way I can take it for myself". But, to help re-even out the odds a little and help boost Eric's incentive level, Toppy and his incestuous sibling kidnap Sarah for use as a hostage! Sometimes being an immortal tool of vengeance just doesn't pay.
There’s no sense of drama or immediate danger and sympathy though when your protagonist is practically unstoppable (see my disinterest in Superman for one), so upon Eric’s arrival to the bad guy’s cathedral hide-out, Toppy's sidekick number one, Grange (played by the Candyman himself, Tony Todd!) pops Eric's magic bird, winging it and severing Eric's fast healing powers! To help out, Albrecht arrives, venting Grange himself before he too takes a lead injection courtesy of Myca. Speaking of Myca, she gets her just desserts as the injured crow pecks out her eyes in the standard Hollywood irony demise... had I told you that Myca had an eye fetish earlier in the review, this statement may have actually made sense, but I didn’t so let’s all deal with that and move on with our lives… I really gotta start outlining these things before I just start typing them up randomly as I go along... Damn it, enough about these minor leaguers, what about Eric and Toppy!
Funny I should ask, because the two have made their way to the cathedral's roof, where they duel it out man-to-bird, Toppy swingin' his favorite Katana blade and Eric, well, he's brandishing a loose lightning rod. Meanwhile, Sarah hangs from the roof's edge nearby, nothing but 4 stories of atmosphere between her and the sidewalk! Just when it looks like evil may triumph over good for once, Eric lashes back at Toppy, grabbing his face and transferring 36 hours of unadulterated agony, courtesy of Shelley's final time on Earth before her death, driving the bastard temporarily mad ala the Ghost Rider “Penance Stare”. As Eric goes limp, Toppy stumbles back onto the waiting horns of a gargoyle statue, impaling himself and falling to his demise, allowing Eric to rescue Sarah and good to triumph over the forces of darkness, blah blah blah. Afterwards, Mr. Good Guy can do nothing more than drag himself to Shelley's gravesite, where he bids a final farewell to existence. With his job done, Eric is visited by Shelley's phantom, and the two walk off into the light, presumably to live happily ever after in the other world. Aw, how sweet... so sweet I'm shittin' toothpaste...
This was a fun movie, though there were many comic book fan boys saying that it was true to the spirit of the comic, to which I say thee nay. There was not ONE solitary straight character in the whole 100 minute running time! EVERYONE had this urge to spout one-liners and really bad jokes, more than likely to appeal to a wider, less depressed and spiteful audience than originally took so well to the illustrated version. Two instances that come to mind are "someone stuck his blades in all Tin Tin's major organs in alphabetical order" as delivered by the frightened Skank and the "Jesus walks into a motel" joke that Eric delivers. Yeah, he looks like a madman, but he was more brooding and homicidal in the comic, not a zombie Seinfeld. The humor was funnier than most action-horror comedy, but for a tale of deep gothic revenge and tragic love lost, there were just too many jokes. Maybe that guy was right and Eric really is just a clown...
The acting was pretty high grade for a comic book movie. Don’t get me wrong, it’s not Shakespearian or anything like that, but then again, after Mel Gibson starred in Hamlet, that term doesn't really mean a whole Hell-of-a-lot. Most notable out of the lot however wasn't Lee. Despite being the star and despite this being his fatal finale to a short-lived and otherwise embarrassing career, the real entertainment came from Michael Wincott, who makes the ultimate villain: a white trash redneck swordsman gang leader who tries to be stylish and dangerous and sexy all while named "Top Dollar" of all things... funny, but very sinister in that “King of New York meets Deliverance” fashion.
So far two sequels have followed this movie, neither able to capture the feel of the original. In another sad attempt to grab the attention of fans of The Crow, some "more money than brains" assholes who rule over television land decided it'd also be a good idea to make a series based on the Eric Draven character... despite the fact he died in the movie's finale. It was called "The Crow: Stairway to Heaven" and featured a movie-length pilot episode that basically remade the movie, only with the budget of a syndicated TV show. Sound pathetic, right? You have no idea... though with any luck you will have an idea once I get around to reviewing it. Needless to say, the show was a complete pooper and all 4 episodes are now shown on the Sci-Fi Channel. So, to sum it up, The Crow bares lots of action, plenty of mysticism, and even a "love conquers all" story that your girlfriend can get misty-eyed over while your jaw slacks at the action and kung-fu. Oh, and for anyone sad about Brandon's shuffling off of his mortal coil, not to worry, as he and his father Bruce spend their days beating each other with furniture here in the Underworld. Besides, Brandon's career wasn't exactly stellar, so just be glad I took care of him before he wound up like Steven Segal! Speaking of which, if anyone ever tells you, "move and you're dead", you reply, "I say I'm dead and I move". Then, while they sit there baffled as Hell, throw your shoe at them... Emilio Estevez falls for that trick every time!
The Moral of the Story: No matter how crappy your movies may be or how "in your father's shadow" your career may be, if you die while making your movie, a legion of Hot Topic customers will provide you with a legacy all your own.
Sequels: The Crow: City of Angels ; The Crow: Salvation ; The Crow: Wicked Prayers
H.O.P.E.L.E.S.S. Rating: 
- Loud music, guns and swords, bloody revenge and explosions, cheesy dialogue. There's no reason not to make this a party pull!... well, with the exception of the slow down parts and the "love story beyond the grave" stuff.
If You Liked This Flick, Check Out: Batman Begins or
The Punisher
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