Hmmmm, as with many unfortunate fads in recent horror history (Scream's rebirth of the retarded teeny-bopper slasher genre, The Sixth Sense and Stir of Echoes's return to ghost stories, and The Haunting and House on Haunted Hill’s "we can't think of anything new, so we'll just remake old black and white movies" stint), the most notable of the first year of our new millennium was of the resurfacing of religious horror. Actually, the first rebirth was of the outer space flops (Supernova, Mission to Mars, and Red Planet), but in horror movie standards it was the religion based nightmares that made it to the big screen. Most prominent of these was the re-release of The Exorcist, which included a few deleted scenes to give people further reason to pony up $10 to see something they’d already witnessed a hundred times over. To capitalize on the popularity that this was bound to cough up, along came Bless the Child and Lost Souls. Sadly, neither of these could even wipe their proverbial asses with the same toilet paper that The Exorcist uses (all quadruple ply and quilted as it is), but of the two, I was very depressed to discover that Bless the Child, which featured a barrage of story and film elements that I hate, wound up being superior to a Winona Ryder movie about the rebirth of Satan. Oh what a cruel new millennia it's shaping up to be...
Lost Souls is the directorial debut of Janusz Kaminski. Prior credits include his roles as cinematographer on such varied films as Schindler’s List, Jurassic Park 2, and... gimme a second to stop laughing... Grim Prairie Tales. Anyway, with such a vivid background in the visual process of epic and not-so-epic cinema, you'd think that Mr. Kaminski would be able to produce a fine work of his own. Instead, he fishes a floater out of the ol’ crapper, slaps a title on it, and sends it to the producers, who are just stupid enough to put it into theatres. Guess all that hanging around with Steven Spielberg didn't rub off even the slightest skid mark on Janusz, cuz Lost Souls is definitely NOT the next Close Encounters, I can tell you that. Well, let's beat this festering horse carcass till the maggots flow, shall we?
We start with some oddly impressive opening credits, as they swim around in a reflective pool of what looks like Mercury. Then we're introduced to a biblical verse from the Book of Dude-Mysogeny that says Satan will be reborn on Earth courtesy of a man who is the product of incestuous parents. Our story's main character is our heroine Maya (Ryder): ex-teenage victim of demonic possession by the forces of darkness. Having lived through pure evil and seen Satan firsthand, Maya decides to stick with God and help spread his message, giving in to brainwashing and conservative dress. To open the film, Maya and her friends of the cloth hold an exorcism for a local asylum inmate at the man's request. The routine demon oppression goes badly though, as the man is left with a crippling stroke and Maya's mentor, Father Lareaux (John Hurt), babbling like a misfit. Could he be insane from the incident or, like the finale of The Exorcist, could he actually be the new target of the possession? Looking at how much the rest of the film tries to copy off of said horror classic, I'd bet heavily on the second guess. Upon examination of numeric writings taken from the crazy asylum guy's room, Maya believes they spell out "Peter Kelson", which happens to be the name of an acclaimed author of books on legal-based psychological study. Speaking of Pete, he's been having these weird dreams as of late, involving him sitting in a room, reading a book titled "XES" and feeling really satisfied with himself afterwards... leave it to an author to associate the pleasures of sex with reading a book...
When Maya goes to the head priests about her theory, they reject it as crazy bullshit (boy, these guys really believe in their religion…) and send her on her way. Maya's holy amigo John (Elias Koteas of the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles movies) listens to her however and starts believing the concept that Pete is going to be the vessel of rebirth for the Lord of the Flies. Afterwards, Maya begins to hallucinate (because Satan tries to retake her at times when her faith weakens) and Pete begins meeting an odd menagerie of people who all seem to be trying to protect or lead him... yep, he's definitely the Satan guy alright. You know, like Damian in The Omen… another much better movie you could be spending your time watching right now.
Maya looks into Pete's background, likely discovering that Pete was born to a brother-sister couple... see what happens when you reveal bible verses that contain important plot points at the BEGINNING of the film? After checking up on his medical history, Maya finally searches out and confronts Pete, inviting him to join her in a visit to the possessed lunatic in the asylum, hoping that something will happen when the monster is confronted with his soon-to-be master. One little hitch in Maya's plan though, because, like I said prior, the beard-o is left in a comatose state following his exorcism. As such, when the two do indeed pay their visit, it's all for naught... though Maya says she saw the dude's eyes open.
The following night John, starkly convinced that Pete is in fact Satan, attacks the guy at a dinner party, waving a gun in the man's face and mumbling something about a time of transformation. Suddenly, one of Pete's friends leaps into action Van Damme style, grabs the gun and breaks John's neck! Leave it to Elias Koteas to botch something as simple as a point blank assassination and get killed in the process. Afterwards, Pete's good, elderly, Catholic neighbor lady hangs herself; probably not simply because Satan lives next door to her, but because of all that constant devil music that the inconsiderate bastard plays at all hours of the night. When Pete discovers that John and Maya were connected, he gets even more pissed, going to the church Maya lives in and confronting her. When she tells him about the whole "congratulations, you're the Anti-Christ!" story, he goes off the handle, threatens her, then leaves in a tizzy. He then returns to his office only to find a psychic waiting for him. Said soothsayer tells Pete things that confirm Maya's story, so he bitches the psychic guy out too, then kicks him out of his office before wallowing in his own self-pity and confusion. Oh, and something important that the psychic tells us: "XES" is not only "SEX" spelled backwards, but it's also Greek numerals for "666"... that would explain his satisfaction after reading it. Come on, if you didn't know he was Satan already, or if you’re too thick to have picked it up by now, just save yourself some embarrassment and shut the video off. Then, when you take it back to Cockbuster, pick up something more your speed, like the old black & white Universal monster flicks. They're usually straight to the point enough for YOUR kind.
Further digging uncovers the disturbing truth that Pete's preacher "uncle" is really his father, and the "baptism" he gave baby Pete was likely nothing more than a dip in a kiddie pool, all this info courtesy of Maya's prying feminine ways. Joining forces, the duo go to John's house to see if they can find anything else. While there they find a few religious books John had stolen from the church. He underlined a few sentences that mention the Anti-Christ's host transforming into the Unholy One upon reaching his 33rd birthday. Surprise, fucking surprise, Pete's gonna be turning 33 tomorrow afternoon... you could cut the "all too coincidental" atmosphere with a knife it's so damn thick.
Also at John's house, Maya and Pete find that the fat bearded lunatic from the asylum is doing much better, not only coming out of his coma but also escaping his cell to hunt the couple down. After the loony chases Maya around with a butcher knife a little while, Pete intervenes, telling the man to stop. He'll listen to Pete, because Pete is his demonic savior, right? Nope, the guy lashes out and attacks Pete too... Now, I'm confused... Did beard-o attack Pete because he's just insane and all this rebirth-of-Satan stuff was made up from the start, or did he overcome his possession for a brief moment and try to do what needed to be done to prevent ultimate evil from once again gracing the face of the Earth? Well, considering the later events of the film, I'd say it's the "moment of clarity" part, but Hell, I may just be coming up with shit that the writers never even intended in the first place, thereby making me more insightful and poetic and all around better than the slack-faced motherfuckers who wrote this crap. Anyway, the crazy dude gets killed. I think it was a gunshot, but I was so confused on why he attacked Pete that I wasn't paying attention. Now the looming final question lies: can the transformation be stopped without killing Pete? That's a question our none-too-dynamic duo will have to answer.
Even deeper exploration into Pete's life (what is this, a fucking “This is Your Life” episode?!) uncovers more startling truths, as it looks like everyone he's ever known and loved is in a Satanic cult that's been leading Pete and taking care of him for this very moment... wait, did the video store accidentally splice this with scenes from Rosemary’s Baby? Oh wait, it's a DVD... damn it, I feel REALLY ill at the moment. Anyway, Pete's accusations against his girlfriend Claire for being in on the whole conspiracy lead to a cat fight gun struggle. Maya comes out victorious as Claire's guts are ventilated thusly. Having just committed homicide, Pete and Maya then head to Disneyland to live out their Satanic lives amongst their own people... Just kidding of course. The couple instead goes to see the seemingly recovered Father Lareaux, who tells the two that the whole Anti-Christ thing is a load of shit because "God would never let something so terrible happen". But, sensing something wrong, Maya decides to bad mouth the Prince of Lies instead, which really annoys the Hell (pun intended) outta the good Father... yep, he's possessed.
The remaining priests at the church now throw together a last minute exorcism for the unfortunate holy man, which ultimately proves to be his undoing. With their best chance at rescuing Pete now shuffling off his mortal coil, the couple head off to see Pete's father/uncle/unholy mentor to try and figure out what in the name of Christ's soiled loincloth they're supposed to do now. They make it to the bad guys’ church, finding it packed to the hilt with Satanists, including Pete's friends and family. With shit-eating grins plastered on their faces, they threaten to kill Maya if Pete doesn't conform to their ways. Pete sets his gun sights on Uncle Satanist, which, according to Maya, would turn Pete’s soul to the dark side anyway, contaminating his soul via murder and opening him to Satan's possession... as they say in comedy, "you're damned if you do and you're damned if you don't"... again, pun intended. I’d usually try to rein in the puns, but this movie doesn’t deserve my consideration to do so.
Not one to be phased by spiritual damnation for eternity in the bowels of the fiery Underworld, Pete opens up, blasting his uncle, his cousin, and several Satanists of non-descript nature before he and Maya escape to the safety of his SUV. To Hell with that "safety" part though, they were probably safer with the Cultists! That reminds me, why do "city folk" need an outdoors vehicle meant for scaling rocky inclines, wading though mud drenched paths, climbing over fallen deadwood and turning grizzlies into roadkill?! Are there really THAT many homeless people in the city that people like Pete feel they need the extra horsepower with which to run them down in the streets?! Is it because SUVs have superior suspension, allowing them to plow over the smelly, unwashed street people without spilling their Mocha Lattes?!?! Society is a plague... or it just needs one to thin out the herd a little.
Upon escape our heroes hide out in an abandoned service tunnel, where the exact moment of Pete's birth grows ever closer. Pete gives Maya the gun and asks her to (should he become the original king o' sins), blow his heathenistic brains all over his fine leather interior. She reluctantly agrees and the time comes... and passes. Pete seems ok, showing no signs of physical transformation and, confirming it, askes Maya to put the gun down. When she looks at the dashboard clock and sees the time switch to "6:66" for a moment, she hesitates no longer, planting a tasty ball of lead between Pete's evil eyes. Maya then packs up the gun and just walks away... Was Pete possessed by the dark lord, or did Maya jump the gun a little? Either way I'm not really in the mood to give a fuck, as I'm just glad the film's over.
Some of the acting in this movie was sadly good, "sadly" because the film in its entirety was horrid. Winona Ryder looks nice in blonde and though it wasn't her greatest performance, she's done worse. Ben Chaplin made me believe he was Satan at times, becoming a total asshole without over-doing it, but for someone who was supposed to become the Anti-Christ, there were also times where he came off as being a little too soft. The stand out for Lost Souls would have to be John Hurt, who, though he spent most of his time babbling like he was in a padded cell, used his face and his old man eyes to force intensity one minute and leach our sympathies the next. The scene of his exorcism was fun, especially his final adios.
Again, the acting was sadly moderate, if not good. The story though, THAT's where the failure is most prominent. We seem to jump from scene to scene, no real solid theme to connect behind. I kept getting the sense that there was no real plot point and the movie might have done better in a shortened version, like, as an episode of "Tales From the Crypt"... only without the comedy… or entertainment value whatsoever. Anyway, even with all story development problems aside, the main plot is one that's been far overdone over the years, shoved in our face just one year earlier with Stigmata and End of Days. It’s dead guys, just let it decay at nature’s own pace. You don’t need to keep stomping on it until it’s eyes burst from their sockets.
One important thing to note about Lost Souls is the use of bleaching the actual film to give the movie a look of decay and darkness. This works effectively for some moments, but much of the time it really fucks the flick over, causing shadows to blend and darkness to become almost complete and engulfing at scenes. Sure, sometimes it's cool to be left with a question of "hmmm, I wonder what happened there?", such as with the ending of American Psycho. But visually, such as here, it just leaves us screaming "FOCUS!" and swamping the camera guy with threats of dismemberment. "But it's not my fault!" he pleads, as a mob of angry movie-goers, holding their tubs o' buttered popcorn in a death grip as they ascend the stairs into the projection room, foaming at the mouth and brandishing large $27 licorice whips with which to punish the innocent pimply-faced teen for a crime he did not commit. Is this really what you wanted Janusz? You fiend...
Also, the jumpy, kinetic method Janusz uses to direct the film comes off as handy at times, but since we've seen it a half-million times before, it's really starting to lose its originality factor too. Go back to cinematography Kaminski, and leave the directing to the skinny beard-o guy with the glasses, okay?
The Moral of the Story: If you're hanging out with somebody and "6:66" pops up on the nearest digital clock, kill that bastard immediately.
DVD X-tras: Commentary track by the director and director of photography; numerous deleted scenes and alternate takes (which also include optional commentary); theatrical trailer; and extensive cast & crew bios.
H.O.P.E.L.E.S.S. Rating: 
- Some craziness to be had and if you're really reaching for something to top off your pull list, feel free to give it a fling. It's a little long winded though, so try not to bring it out too late into the festivities, otherwise you might just cure everybody's caffeine induced insomnia.
If You Liked This Flick, Check Out:
Bless the Child or
Stigmata
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