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A Product of TOPolk Productions |
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"Because I'm That Damn Good" |
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Extended AIM Profile |
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This is basically a really big profile. Why? Well, two reasons : 1) AIM Profiles never give you enough space to say what you want most of the time 2) I got really bored one day, figured why not? |
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Tales from the Strip Club "Go 'head and start and make that pussy fart and whistle while you twerk" - Ying Yang Twinz I don't think I've even been in a while, but I got a couple of stories in tow from my last few trips… New Year's Eve TigerBelle113: terence for the good of you and the posterity of maintaining a still somewhat innocent reputation, tonight would not be a good night for you to go to platinum plus TOPolk: it wasn't even an option tonight :-) but damn that's funny....whyso? TigerBelle113: well TigerBelle113: piddy + more than normal amounts of alcohol + strippers + other patrons with more than normal amounts of alcohol + the thought that the year is ending and you can start over tomorrow = disaster Ya know, on New Year's Eve I didn't even want to go to Platinum Plus. Wasn't even an option, but after this convo, I had to go JUST to prove Libby wrong. Well, she won this round. I wouldn't say it was a disaster, but two words spelled out doom for one Mr. Piddy: Open Bar. I wish I could say I had a good story from this, but I really don't remember most of it. After about 8 Jack and Cokes on top of what I had earlier in the night, that tends to happen. I do remember breaking at least two rules of attending a strip club. I definitely ate off the Prime Rib buffet (Rule 4 - Never Eat At A Strip Club) they had sometime after midnight and at some point and time some stripper kissed me in the mouth (Rule 8 - Strippers And Lips Of Any Sort Should Never Be In The Same Sentence). Not on, in. What the hell was I thinking that night? Who knows where that prime rib had been... (Terence: *shakeshead* I'm gonna catch herpes one day. Ridiculous) Area Codes "312s, 313s, 215s, 803s…757, 410s, my cellphone just overload." - Ludacris What do you do when you get a stripper's phone number? Nothing. It's one of those things that just kinda stay there for show. Then two years down the road you go, "who in the fuck is Sarah Savannah?" Runner-Up for Conversation of the Column (In the car leaving Platinum Plus) Brian: Man, T you know that girl was from Savannah. Savannah, Georgia! Georgia as in not South Carolina. Big Game James: Man, that John Cena hat brought you good luck tonight. Now if you can just remember the name of the girl from Charlotte who's number you got we could work the tri-state area. Brian: Ya'll niggas dumb. You know how far Charlotte and Savannah are from here? (Four Days Later in Big Game James' dorm) Brian: Yo, you call that girl? T_Piddy: No Brian: Man, you gotta get on that. We can head down to Savannah. Big Game James: Nigga, weren't you the one talking about how far away Savannah and Charlotte are? Brian: Man, gas prices done went down T_Piddy: *shakeshead* Blast from the Past One day after a hard day of work, I decided to go to Platinum Plus. Not because I wanted to see boobies (tho that was definitely an added perk), but because it was the only place open where I could sit down and enjoy a beer. Anyways, I'm sitting there enjoying the show and my beer when this gorgeous Hispanic girl comes up from behind me and jumps in my lap. Now normally, I would have been all about this, but I was tired, so I just let her sit there. It was awkward because you're supposed to converse with or touch the ladies, but I didn't want to do either. Yes, I was THAT tired. (And before you open an IM box to go, "if you were that tired, why didn't you go home," put yourself in my shoes. I never get to go out on the weekend. If I can grab a sliver of a moment of free time to have fun, I'm gonna take it. Don't judge me. :-D) I figured eventually one of us would leave and I knew it wasn't going to be me. Well she leaves, about 10 mins pass, and I'm content again. I order another beer and I sprawl out to get comfortable. Anyways, some random (cute, brunette) girl sneaks up from behind me and rams into my seat with another chair (the chairs are on wheels). This is the convo that ensues. And for shits and giggles, lets name her Kim. (She told me her name, but I have better things to do than waste my brain cells on memorizing the names of strippers) Kim: HEY! T_Piddy: Hi…you know you just scared the ever-living shit out of me Kim: Sweet, mission accomplished. *winks* Whatcha doin here by yourself? T_Piddy: Nothing. Just watching the show and drinking a beer. At this point Kim climbs into my lap. Why? I don't know. Apparently there's something about telling a girl in Columbia you're enjoying a beer that makes them want to touch you. Anyways… Kim: Well that's cool. So where ya from? You look familiar. T_Piddy: *puzzledlook* I live about an hour away from here… Kim: Are you from Sumter? T_Piddy: *pauses* Yes… Kim: Where'd you go to middle school? At this point I'm floored because, let's be for real - who the fuck asks you where did you go to middle school? In a strip club of all places? T_Piddy: Manchester…why? Kim: Did you have Miss White for Biology in seventh grade, first period? T_Piddy: *seriouslyweirdedoutlook* Yes… Kim: Your mom taught math there too didn't she? (Talk about something that'll stunt any plans of an erection for the rest of the night…) T_Piddy: (moves around in chair go get a good look at this girl, inadvertently placing her square in the middle of his lap) Yes, how do you know all this? Kim: Don't worry about all that. *licks-side-of-T_Piddy's-face* So when's the last time you been to Wedgefield? YO. After that whole Rick James moment, I was buggin' out the rest of the night. To make matters worse, it only got weirder and weirder. Let's just say this. At one point in time I got a raspberry (you know, when you blow on the side of someone's face making the farting noise). I was so damn confused when I left that night. And to this day, I still have NO CLUE who in the blue hell this girl was. Stuff like this keeps me up at night. Well that is when Terence isn't writing columns about some girl who's 1000 miles away. The Cure wasn't even that good of a band… (Terence: I'll get you one day…just wait.) No shoutouts this time. I mean who have I talked to lately to where I can have shoutouts that aren't 5 months old? |