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The Haunted Town
Written by Jennifer

Hi, I'm John Brown. My sister Mary and I have been looking forward to taking a trip to Plainsville, California with our parents on our summer vacation; but that was before we knew our parents might die!

It all started when we were on our way to Plainsville to visit our grandparents. Grandpa and Grandma live in a decent size town house; but it's not as big as the one we live in. We arrived in Plainsville at 5:30 p.m. and stopped at a Speedy Gas. It was your ordinary gas station. It had a car wash, a mini-market, and the gas area. Mom went into the mini-market and bought several bottles of Quencher drinks, which are like Mountain Dew, and two bags of chips for a snack. The man who bagged mom's food warned her about going out any time from 12:00 a.m. to 4:00 a.m. because the town was haunted. The man had on a plaid shirt and blue jeans one size to small (you could tell because his stomach stuck out,) white sneakers that had the Nike symbol on them, and a black hat to cover his gray hair.

As we left the gas station Mom asked us where we wanted to eat. "Café Laritz," Mary said. "It's right over there." "Sounds good to me," I said. "Alright then," Mom said. "That's where we're gonna eat." We told the person at the check in booth that it would be a table for four. The man was dressed nicely in his tuxedo and black bow tie. He told us it would be a five-minute wait. It didn't seem like five minutes though.

After the waitress led us to our table, she passed out menus and told us the night's specials. "Tonight's specials are chicken soup, fish filet, and spicy cheese fries. May I start all of you off with a drink?" The waitress asked. She was wearing a white blouse, black over coat, black skirt, black stockings, and black shoes. She had crystal blue eyes and curly brown hair. "I will have some tea, please." Mom replied. "I would like some coffee, please," Dad said. "Mary and I would like some birch beer, please," I said. "Okay," the waitress replied. "Do you need more time to order?" Mom replied, "No. I would like a salad with ranch dressing and linguini with cheese sauce." "I will have the same; but with chicken soup, please," Dad said. "Me three; but without the soup. Instead I want the cheese fries and a salad with creamy Italian dressing," I said. "May I please have a chicken sandwich, also with the cheese fries," Mary replied.

Once our food was served, we said thank you, and we started to eat. The cheese fries were extremely spicy. The salad was good, too. It contained lettuce, onions, tomatoes, croutons, and creamy Italian dressing. My linguini was perfect. When we were finished with our dinner, the waitress took our plates and brought them into the kitchen. She then came back to the table and asked "Would you like any deserts?" Dad replied, "No thank you, maybe some other time." "Okay, I will bring you your bill."

We arrived at Grandma and Grandpa's house and took our suitcases out of the trunk and brought them inside. "Hi, Grandma and Grandpa," Mary and I both said. "My Mary, you've grown so much since the last time I saw you. So have you John." We smiled brightly as Grandpa came in the room and said, "'bout time ya got here. Let me show you to your rooms." Mary and I slept in the guestroom and Mom and Dad slept in the one Dad slept in when he was younger. It still had most of his old things in there.

Mary and I unpacked our things and brushed our teeth, while Grandma was telling Mom and Dad about an old friend of theirs that wanted them to have coffee at his coffee shop. His name was Tom, Tom Padskit. His shop was called, "Tom's Cup of Joe." It opened at 3:30 a.m. and he wanted to meet them when he opened the shop. "That sounds quite a bit early," Dad said. Grandma said it was because of the hours his shop worked. "I suppose we could do it, as long as we're back by 4:30 a.m." Grandma gave them directions to the coffee shop. At 2:30 a.m. Mom and Dad left Grandma and Grandpa's house and took off for Tom's Cup of Joe.

We woke up at 7:35 a.m. and went down stairs to eat breakfast. "Where's Mom and Dad?" Mary asked. "Aren't they in their room sleeping?" Grandma asked. Mary shook her head. "Phil, Sherrie and Nick aren't back yet." "Back from where?" I asked in panic. "Last night your ma and pop went out for some coffee," Grandma said. "And there's a ghost in the town who kills almost everyone he sees." I couldn't believe my ears. A ghost, here. I was so stunned I fainted. When I awoke I was on the living room couch with an ice pack on my forehead, Grandma sitting beside me. "My you took quite a spill," she said. "Are you all right?" Of course I wasn't all right; I hardly knew why I was on the couch with the stupid ice pack on my head. "Yeah, I think," I lied. "Mary and your Grandfather put you on the couch, then took off to search for your parents," she said. "I think I need another nap," I said as my head hit hard on the pillow.

About an hour later the phone rang. It was Grandpa saying that they found Mom and Dad and said they were at Plainsville Hospital. "On our way," Grandma said. Grandma got me up again and we got in the station wagon and we were on our way to the hospital. I could sure use one, I thought. "Are they gonna be okay?" I asked. "I sure hope so, I hope so," Grandma said. When we got to the room where Mom and Dad were I had tears coming down my eyes. The thing that tells a person's heart beat on both of them was in a straight line. Suddenly they both had mountain shaped lines, going up and down. It was a miracle.

Soon Mom and Dad were sent home and two weeks later we left Plainsville. We were gone a whole month and we never did find out what happened to them, but I had the strangest feeling I didn't want to know.

The Haunted Town
Story Rubric            Points Possible Points Earned
                
Revision Skills         
Interesting Beginning           5               5
Enough Details                  20              20
Natural-Sounding Dialogue       20              20
Good Ending                     5               5
                
Proofreading Skills             
Capitalization                  10              10
Punctuation                     10              8*
Grammar                         10              10
Spelling                        10              10
                
Publishing Skills               
Good Title / Capitalization of Title    5       5
Neat and Easy to Read           5               5
                
Total                           100             98
                                                A+

Teacher's Comment: 
Jennifer,
     Your story was excellent.  It was written well.  
I really felt as if I were watching the story unfold 
in front of me.  Keep up the good work!

* Note:
     Troughout my story I made a single punctuation 
error; but I made it repeatedly.  After sentences 
made by my characters I placed periods instead of 
commas.  This error has been corrected in this copy 
of my story.

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