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Sex, the nitty gritty


..... sex (sks)
n.
    1. The property or quality by which organisms are classified as female or male on the basis of their reproductive organs and functions.
    2. Either of the two divisions, designated female and male, of this classification.
  2. Females or males considered as a group.
  3. The condition or character of being female or male; the physiological, functional, and psychological differences that distinguish the female and the male. See Usage Note at gender.
  4. The sexual urge or instinct as it manifests itself in behavior.
  5. Sexual intercourse.
  6. The genitalia.
n. attributive.
Often used to modify another noun: sex education; sex crimes.
v. tr. sexed, sex·ing, sex·es.
  1. To determine the sex of (an organism, especially a hatching chicken).
  2. Slang.
    1. To arouse sexually. Often used with up.
    2. To increase the appeal or attractiveness of. Often used with up.
[Middle English from Latin sexus.]





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Horses aren't this much fun .......... Sex is the most popular of human desires. It is in the top 5 along with rest, food, companionship, and fun. Sure, sex fits into the "fun" category, the "companionship" category, the "food" category if done right, and is the prequal and sequal to "rest" but it does not fit squarely in any one category so it must be it's own. It is at the basis of everything we desire to do and I can prove it. Email me any that you'd like me to use as a demonstration, and I shall. I may just suprise you.
.......... Virgins... I, unlike the stereotypical male, do not like virgins. It is a turn OFF for me. Many have asked me why, so I will go ahead and tell you here. When I was 14, I had a BB rifle and I would run into the back yard all the time and shoot at tin cans or whatever target I could conjure. I did this for a long time and one day I noticed a squirrel laughing at me from a nearby branch. I wanted to see if I could hit it to prove to myself that I was a decent rifleman and a potential hunter like my father. Indeed, I did hit the squirrel and my heart filled with triumph as I saw it plumet towards the ground. However, when I reached the squirrel, I noticed that although the pellet had entered one side of it's chest and exited the other, the squirrel was not dead. It was bleeding internally, and it's lungs were undoubtedly filling with blood so the poor little thing was suffocating on it's own blood. All it could do was turn it's head to look at me with it's deep black eyes. I felt true horror and guilt as I was sucked into those eyes. It seemed as if I could feel it's suffering as it looked at me with those eyes asking me "Why?". I was go guilt ridden because I knew that I was the one who had caused all of it's pain. I've been with two and a half virgins before and I saw that same expression on their faces. That is why I will have nothing to do with them. They bring that same guilt back to me because I'm the one causing their pain. I prefer sex to be an event of mutual pleasure.
.......... I know you're wondering about the half virgin so I'll elaborate. She claimed to have been a virgin, but I SERIOUSLY doubt that. She wouldn't have enjoyed her first time that much. That, and she was an incredibly sexy flirt who had cheated on every guy she dated before and I would be arrogant to think that it did not include me as well.
.......... Perversions... I can only think of three sexual acts that I'm not into. None of them offend me, but I just don't think any of those three are for me. I'm not telling you either. I encourace originality and women who suggest things always win a lot of favor with me. It's very hard for me to say no to suggestions. I may just suprise you.
.......... Sexual Preference... As many times as people have thought me to be gay, I must take the time to clarify this for the record. Like anyone who's ever grown up in the South, I was once homophobic until one day when I was working in the Theatre. I realized three quarters of the people I was working with were either gay or bisexual. Suddenly, that dogma was smashed. These were not people to be reviled for some deviant act that the church has told us would send us to hell. These were my friends, and very amusing ones most times too. I decided then that I was going to be open minded about the possibility of being bisexual but I realized after a while that I was straight purely because I am just not attracted to any man I have ever met. I can only guess that my laid back attitude towards sexuality is why I don't show up on the highly acclaimed Gaydar. Most gay men (I can think of two exceptions) know I'm not gay but I also don't show up on "straightdar" either which tells women that I'm interested in them and have already thought about them in just about every imagineable position and leather outfit. Trust me, I do. I'm thinking about it right now in fact... <drool>
.......... Fetishes and turn ons... I love leather. I do not care what something is, because if it is leather, I love it. I love the look of it, the sound it makes when it is twisted and squeaks, I love the smell it makes when it gets wet or hot. I love the feel of it on myself and especially others. I surround myself with as much as I can afford. I'd have a leather computer if I could figure out a way to keep it on the keys of my keyboard. I'm working on a leather mousecover already and have plans for the case and monitor. Yes, I'm a freak. I admit this freely. I may baffle you, but my hope is that this page might help you understand me better.
There are three main ways a woman can capture my attentions. The first way is to wear a flattering leather outfit and ask me to help her with it. The second way is to make the first move and ask me out. This has worked time and time again for women who I had not originally considered approaching. Of the three women I have dated as a result of this aproach, I hold them all in the highest regard. The third way I have to list here only because it is true to a lesser extent but it worked. Italian food. The half virgin (mentioned earlier) cooked me lasagna. I won't reveal the details of the latter half of the evening, but the meal was fantastic too!
.......... Turn offs... I have to mention virgins again. Also, sadly enough, I really can't say that I enjoy kissing. I know several people (women) who would say that they enjoy kissing more than sex sometimes. This is also an alien concept for me probably due to my upbringing. When I was a wee child, my father would always tuck me into bed and kiss me good night. Doen't sound too bad, now does it? Was your father a sloppy wet kisser who liked to kiss you on the lips? If I ever kiss you and then wipe my mouth with the sleeve of my shirt, please don't be mad. It's a habit. Sorry. Um, what else... hard core drug users. I'm sorry, but my experience is that people who cannot deal with the real world are never fun to be around for long. I just wish I could teach them what I have learned. This world is no more tangible than any drug induced one. You just have to learn how it doesn't really effect you and don't let it get to you. Plus, addiction is a bitch. I'm addicted to naps, air, sex, and italian food. If I get any more addictions, I won't have time for sex or italian. I'm sorry, but I'll pass. You've simply got to have a sense of priority here folks!
.......... PS: Lighten up. Listen to disco. Sing a dirty Irish limerick. Hang around a mime and pretend you're blind. Smile at random people 'just because'. Wave at every other person you pass in your car. Ask people which of the village people they identify with the most. Tell people your name is John Jacob Jingle-Heimer Schmidt. Try adding Birthday Candles to random meals to make them more festive. If you get really bored or stressed out, pretend you are the main character in a hidden camera movie and narate your thoughts for the audience at home. You might win a prize. Go to a trophy shop and have them make a nice plaque for bizzare things like 'best sex I have ever had'. Have them put your name on it as the recipient. I could go on, but I shan't. I leave you with this thought:
If only it were this easy!

*Update: As of late, I've been very keen on kissing. Perhaps I've managed to get over my original association. God, let's hope so! :) More than likely, it was just the ladies in particular. They are very cool. And nothing like my father.