(p1) (p2)
The Jon (jN)
The Jon is a unit of measurement created by The Man Of Steele. Seńor Steele based the Jon on a fellow classmate by the name of Jon. To fully understand the concept, you must know the story of the boy named Jon:
The Story of Jon
Jon is a short person.
Jon is a short person who gets mad at people who think he is short.
Jon is a short person.
I try to make Jon feel better by giving him his own superstar names.
Em&eM (midget man),
Bon Jonnie,
The Jon-to-the-J Poppa Diddy.
But Jon didn't like these,
So he got mad again.
Jon is a mad, short person.
Wherever he would go,
People would always chant "Jon" to the rhythm of popular songs.
Jon didn't like this, because he is mad.
And short.
The Man Of Steele decided since Jon was so short,
He should have his own unit of measurement.
Jon isn't so mad about this.
The Man Of Steele, after many days, created the perfect algorithm for Jon.
Jon is a short person, but
Even with his own unit of measurement, he is still a short person.
Jon is exactly 3jNs tall.
Jon is still a mad, short person.
The End.
Copyright © 2006. All Rights Reserved.
A very nice story that is, seeing as how it is true. I just decorated it, or made it more much gooder, or maybe even more bester.
The Jon formula is very simple, but usually requires a calculator for accurate answers. height (in inches) divided by 21⅓ = your height in jNs (round to the nearest hundredth)
Example: 67½" / 21⅓ = 3.164 = 3.16 jN (which is actually what my height is)
And don't exaggerate your height because some people will investigate such things and prove you wrong. Pansies. (not the investigators; the exaggerators)
*[The "21⅓" is twenty-one and one-third.]
The Jon Joke Series
By Josh Peterman
I'm sure most of you would like to hear some of my Jon jokes, so I will, over time, insert more of my jokes. Please don't hurt yourself laughing. Oh, and feel free to repeat these to The Jon to-the-J Poppa Diddy himself.
[The following content may appear offensive to some, but in actuality, it is all in good natured fun for all to see. Rated M For Mature.]
- Jon is so short he needs a stepladder to get onto the floor.*****
- You can't say "Hi, Jon", you have to say "Hello, Jon."**
- If you put something on the ground above Jon, like a really big tarp, he won't notice anything because it's still too far away.
- Jon never gets hurt, he has the best protection ever: the ground.
- Jon, you're short.********************************
- If you wanted to dig a hole until you found Jon, China wouldn't even be halfway.
- Jon is always an understatement.****
- Jon obviously has a low self-esteem.***
- People never have a high opinion of Jon.*****
- Did you, did you really there bud?!!!*
- Jon, you're still short.*****************
- Well, let's put it this way...
- Jon, you said a Scarlet P!
- Some people may think of Jon as a coward because he never steps up. The truth is, he just can't.
- Jon never stands up for himself either. He tries, but it's just not possible.
- Jon if you do that again, I'm going to smack you. (almost immediately after: smack)
- This is one of the many "Words of Jon". Excerpt 27: 'No, really. I read it somewhere. You have to be hit twice by a minor before you can defend yourself, if you're over 18.' 'So Jon, where'd you read that?' 'I don't remember...' 'Oh, sorry Jon.'
- [Authors' Anotation: I'm going along with the Jon by making this font smaller than the rest.]
- Jon, you've got the wrong band shirt on!
- Jon, you're out of step!
.N.F.C.
(Nuclear Bomb-Foot-Cockroach)
This is one of the best games in the world and if you haven't heard about it, then you'd better bunker down and pay attention. To start off, N.F.C. was created by the famous inventor, the Man of Steele. It is, as it may sound, very similar to R.P.S., or Rock-Paper-Scissors. But, this is better. The rules are the same as the R.P.S. rules, so you shouldn't have any trouble learning.
Rules for .N.F.C.
- Nuclear Bomb beats Foot
- Foot beats Cockroach
- Cockroach beats Nuclear Bomb.
Now you need to know how to make the devastating weapons of mass enjoyment. These are also very simple.
- Nuclear Bomb: hand is relaxed, palm up
- Foot: hand is in a fist, fingers down
- Cockroach: hand is upright, pointer and middle finger move like wee-little cockroach antennas
-There are strategies to playing this prestigious game. The main two are: the Sprinter; and the Marathon Runner. The Sprinter is when you start out by winning several in a row before "tiring out", which is when you start to lose. The Marathon Runner is basically when you start out slow and conservative. Then when your opponent starts to "tire out", you make your move and dominate their lives so badly they cry.
-I'm a Sprinter. The Man Of Steele is a Marathon Runner. He always beats me when we have a competition to decide who is the Supreme Overlord. But, even though he continues to beat me during those competitions, I am determined to overcome his might and be named the Supreme Overlord.
-As you have probably noticed, or will notice, the Marathon Runner strategy is usually the better one. Mainly because Sprinters get ahead, start getting cocky, then frustrated when they start to lose. The only time I can think of that would be perfect for the Sprinter is if you wanted to show off your skills for a few rounds then stop. I'm trying to devise a way of overcoming the Marathon Runner, so as to be the main dominating force of N.F.C. So far, the only thing I've come up with is: The Marathon-Sprinter. Which is basically, in runners terms, someone who sprints all-out through an entire marathon. It is the true test of endurance and willpower. I believe I have what it takes, but I don't know if I have the skill. Wait...that's was blasphemous. Of course I do, what was I saying...
