Official newspaper of Dragon Polytechnic
We don't put the paper or stories in their entirety here, this page is merely a scam to get you to subscribe or buy a copy.
Voted Least Discriminatory University in Mid Wales
Stolen Science Projects
Culling Policy
Graduation
Our paper has a large readership, a proud history, accepts advertising and is committed to impartiality.
Number: Our readership has fluctuated from the entire student body (when it was mandatory exam material) to zero and back up again to six thousand (to be fair, we count each issue printed as six readers, even if no one buys it).
Demographics of readership: Though no accurate study has been carried out, we are in the process of photographing students who appear to be reading or looking at the pictures in our newspaper.
History of the name: One irate student once jokingly exclaimed, "This Dragon has bad breath". He later revised that too "This Dragon is in serious need of a breath mint". When the days of government big spending finally came, we had the budget to issue our own daily newspaper. In honour of our former student, we called our paper the "Dragon's Daily Breath Mint". This name stuck for the first twenty years of it's existence.
Then came the story crisis. As our journalists became increasingly lazy, the majority of each issue was just a rehash of press releases from local businesses and special interest groups. Our last loyal reader, that frustrated former student who helped us name the paper, at this point an underpaid member of staff, said "there's one good story in this paper every two months." That gave us the idea of scrapping the old name and calling it "Drag Queen Dragon's Bi-Monthly." Then our readership fell to zero, and the only story we had to publish was a complaint about the name change.
We soon hired a new editor-in-chief, yes our old student Vasco Phillip de Sousa himself, and he immediately reconstituted the old name. That is why we are called a daily even though we don't get published anywhere near that often.
After that, the paper split, with the former editor in chief Joseph Stalin and his protégée Adolph Hitler, took their talents over to the student union to create the Camp Campus News(CCN). There has been a rivalry between the two papers ever since, with CCN unsuccessfully trying to change it's name to various forms of the former Dragon name.
Yes, we now accept advertising in our school newspaper! And we suspect those bozos at CCN do to. But it's better to advertise in our paper, because we're more official. And we're professional! And we know what we're doing! And they're just a bunch of smelly booger snots! More information on advertising coming soon!
Like all newspapers in Britain, we have the freedom to be impartial as long as we support the government line on issues of any consequence. In the past ten years, we have tried to break this rule, but they always get us down. If we write an issue that involves an ethnic or religious minority, they call it racism and throw our editor in prison. If we write a story on a famous person or corporation, they call it libel and confiscate all copies of the issue. If we write a story about a special interest group, they throw a riot and burn down our press. So we instead decide to make fun of the Prime Minister's appearance. That is why we support the Coalition For Ugly Members Of Parliament, so we can still write something in our newspaper.
We are also allowed to talk openly about the following things: natural disasters, Americans, gas taxes, non-existent problems, bodily functions, Members of the Opposition and meal worms.
"Issued bimonthly because of budget cuts resulting from a funding crisis"