Let's talk about Buffy! You know..the vampire slayer? Ok.
First thing, vampires don't exist. Thank God for that! But that's not a reason for not making a movie about them, so we pass over that.
Let's pretend that they exist for a moment and imagine the enemy of those creatures. Did Buffy come in your minds? Definitely NOT! I mean, come on! You are a powerful vampire and you see Buffy before you, I bet you shit in your pants! Of course not. You expect a major vampire slayer strong and clever not a cheerleader for God's sake! Where is this world going to.. A couple of years ago you'd only think titles like, let's see..hm..Sexy cheerleaders or cheerleaders have fun in college. Not cheerleader the vampire slayer!
I bet that If you put a 'Beware! Pissed off cheerleader in the house' sign, the vampires are not coming anywhere near it. Come on!

Now that the character is out, let's go on and talk a bit about the Buffy movies. I mean, I've seen some crap in my life but this one.. man it's ugly. How did actors like Donald Sutherland and Rudger Hower ever got convinced to play in a thing like that, might I ask.
First thing, the script. Ok. The writer decides to make a casting in his mind to find the perfect vampire slayer. After excluding strong powerful vampire killers he chooses Buffy. But! Not only he chooses that stupid midget as a vampire killer, he says that she didn't know who she was until her late teen age and in three days she became a master slayer that kills a 1500 years old vampire?! My God Christopher Lee must have had some laughs on that shit.
Imagine the scene. Christopher Lee ..meets Buffy. He's not thinking to run away! He thinks 'snack time'! It's ridiculous man!
And just think who the other major vampire killer is! BLADE! Now, Blade's convincing! He can kill vampires. What can Buffy do? Sing while he's killing?
I say, bring Lee here, he kills Buffy, goes home, takes a bath and goes to sleep. That's all. A vampire movie with Buffy should be 2 minutes long.
I have another question too. I admit -as much as that hurts- that Buffy can kill vampires. Hello? Do you remember what era we are living in? I mean, the first vampire movies took place ages ago. They didn't have WEAPONS! Now you can't kill Buffy you stupid vampire? Get a gun for Christ's sake! Point a 357 magnum on Buffy's head and you'll see what’s the real use of a wooden stick in the hands of a cheerleader. Never saw Buffy hanging around MLK boulevard have you?

Another thing that bothers me, is the cast. Sarah Michelle Gellar? Kristy Swanson? Are you kidding me? I bet if you meet those chicks, the first thing that crosses your mind is 'God! Look at those vampire slayers!' Or is it more like 'Wanna see my Vampire baby?'
Everybody has a role on this planet girls! I mean, I love Sarah Michelle Gellar but girl, go walk your SCOOBY-DOO and STOP KILLING VAMPIRES!
And oh .. Kristy Swanson. I will only propose what she said in one interview "I won't date a guy who doesn't own a toolbox. I'm not saying you need to be able to knock down a wall or build a house or anything like that. But I've been out with a couple of guys who didn't own toolboxes, and they couldn't even change a light bulb." That's deep thinking isn't it? I bet you've always wondered. What do I say to a girl like that if I get to meet her one day? Here you got the answer. You go like..'Hey Kristy! Wanna see my toolbox?'

In conclusion. Hey Hollywood guys! Be more selective next time will you? And readers..sleep well tonight. Even if Vampires really exist. Don’t' bother. There's Buffy out there!

Credits and comments

Reader's comments on this site Subject: Are you serious? (by Raw) Man I don't believe that you took out time to write about this! Who cares about Buffy? Buffy sucks!!!! Subject: Shut up! (by Jeff) I think that you should get a life!!! Stop that! Buffy rules, milions watch it and the girls are beautiful!!! You wish you had a girl like that loser! Remove that page and write about how much in love you are with Buffy! (Re: You are 12 aren't you?) Subject: HAHAHAHAHAHA!!! (by Sl_56) I'm still laughing ahahahahahahahaahahahahaha! Blade rules! I hate Buffy! write a comment

Sarah Michelle Gellar Sarah was discovered in a restaurant by a talent agent at the tender age of 4. She was cast in her first credited role as Jennifer Bianchi in the film, An Invasion of Privacy soon after. Interestingly, her Burger King commercial in 1982 sparked a landmark lawsuit by McDonald's. Sarah proceeded to appear in films and television as a child actress. In 1992, Sarah played Sydney Rutledge in the TV series Swans Crossing. But her first major break happened in 1993 when she was cast in the role of Kendall Hart in the very popular and long-lived soap opera, All My Children, which earned her a coveted Emmy Award in the Lead Young Actress category. True to Hollywood's larger than life concepts, Sarah's most significant and challenging role came in the form of a 16 year old Vampire Slayer who we've all come to know and love as Buffy. She then starred in several films both as supporting and lead characters. She has also won several awards and garnered numerous recognitions. Sarah is currently a Maybelline spokeswoman. Although it seems that Sarah Michelle Gellar has already achieved a lot in her career, we believe that this is only the beginning... Kristy Swanson "Kristy Swanson, literally pulls off something unexpected this fall. Swanson graces the cover of the November 2002 PLAYBOY with an eight page celebrity pictorial. Swanson appeared in the film "Dude, Where's My Car" where she portrayed Christie Boner, the 'dream girl' of the 'dudes,' Jesse and Chester (played by Ashton Kutcher and Seann William Scott). Previously, Swanson co-starred with Adam Sandler in the summer blockbuster comedy, "Big Daddy." In the movie, Swanson starred as 'Vanessa,' the long-time girlfriend of 'Sonny Koufax' (Sandler), who he is desperately trying to impress. Swanson is probably best known for her starring role in the Twentieth Century Fox feature film, "Buffy the Vampire Slayer." "When the movie came out, it was enormously successful and I was thrilled. At the time there were no films where girls had a heroine to look up to," says Swanson. The film remains a cult classic to this day and has been spun off to the popular WB television series "Buffy." Swanson was born in Mission Viejo, California, and began her professional career at the age of nine working in television commercials. By the time she was 13, she had more than 30 commercials to her credit, and had landed her first television series, "Dreamfinders," for the Disney Channel. Swanson soon convinced her parents to move to Hollywood so she could pursue her dream of acting. She soon landed small roles in two of John Hughes' films "Ferris Bueller's Day Off" and "Pretty in Pink." Swanson went on to star in a long list of films that include: "Flowers in the Attic" with Academy Award-winning actress Louis Fletcher, "Hot Shots" with Charlie Sheen, "The Program" with James Caan, "The Phantom" opposite Billy Zane and "Eight Heads in a Duffle Bag," starring Joe Pesci and David Spade. Tackling her most controversial role, Swanson portrayed a college student discovering her sexuality in John Singleton's film, "Higher Learning." As for PLAYBOY, Swanson reflects, "I could not pass up the opportunity to work with the renowned photographer, Phillip Dixon, and by the look of my pictorial I think made the perfect choice." ( She wrote this..) top