The Hoek Files


MESSAGE FOLLOWS AT A FREQUENCY OF 5.6 BILLION MEGAHURTS--------
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HEY, NONNY NONNY$
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THE MESSAGE IS AS FOLLOWS:

STAND BY FOR THE MEAT JOLT.

END OF MESSAGE.

RESUME DULL HUM OF CEREBRAL ACTIVITY.

SWITCHING TO RUNLEVEL: 'POTENTIOSTYMIE'

"When I unfocus my eyes there are dead moose on pianos and I get an erection."

INITRODE RULES!!!!!!!!!!

The Menu

...a big yellow taxi?
The Sour Times of Terence Felder, vol. II

one_night_in_bang_cock
a 3-D issue

The REAL World, like, fer sure
I wanna hear you scream!

The Red Page
Your Daily Affirmations of Sooty Possibility

Damnation Ally McBeal
Voices from deep within cry out for Dumbness.

The Sour Times of Terence Felder, vol. I.
A glimpse into the life of a serial sleeper.

Photog Du Jour
Eat this.

Some Poems
A little treat I like to call A Dollop of Teat.

Lost in Vegas
No Fear, Only Loathing.






Dear Messers Hoek & Hoek:

It is with subtle anticipation that I and the entire
staff here at Mundungus & Filthiness received your
latest missive. While it was received with all the
churlishness and good humor that is our way here, due
to the odd characters embedded in the text, we've had
to hire additional personnel to do the editing. This
has of course increased our operating costs, which
means, alas, that you will not be receiving a royalty
check this month.

With all due sincerity,

Jakob Mittlebury, CEO Mundungus & Filthiness
"When you need filth, come to the experts!"
 

If you don't post a new 'missive' soon I'm going to fucking firebomb
your family's estate in Bolivia.  Don't think I won't and don't think I
can't.  You pig fucker.

Viva Guevara,
Hoek.

Perhaps I should send the next installments as HTML files?
Or maybe I should hand-deliver them on used toilet paper.

I hate you,
Hoek.
 

Dear Madam Hoek:

We hate you too.

Have a happy holiday season! Best wishes!

Jakob Mittlebury, CEO Mundungus & Filthiness
"There's always extra ass left over for our customers!"
 

Why do you never answer my questions you filthy pig fucker?  Do YOU want
the FILES in HTML format from now on or what?

Hoek.
 

Perhaps you should phrase your questions in the form
of a question, Mr. Fear and Snideness.

No, I do not want them in HTML, I'm going to write a
perl script to do the formatting, so plain text is
all I need. I just wish Word, or whatever O.K. program
you're using, would quit fucking a stranger in the ass.

Jakob Mittlebury, CEO Mundungus & Filthiness