Determined not to disappoint the children this Halloween, musician Paul McCartney has assumed the role of Count Chocula while the Count recovers from a recent mugging. "Bang! Bang! Maxwell's silver hammer came down upon his head," Mr. McCartney explained Tuesday at Cedar Sinai Hospital in Los Angeles. "Clang! Clang! Maxwell's silver hammer made sure that he was dead."

In fact, the Count was dead long before this incident, according to high school counselor Buffy Summers, and could not in any case be killed with a silver hammer. The personable Slayer pointed out that nothing but a wooden stake through the heart could seriously harm General Mills' popular vampire spokesman.

Not all monsters are as resilient as the Count, and some are taking steps to protect their careers. Frankenberry is believed to have offered Jay Leno $4.8 million to fulfill his contract obligations in the event of illness or injury. Mr. Leno did not comment.