"THE INTERNET CAN HELP YOU FIND LOVE"
I’m getting married soon.
There, I said it -- or at least wrote it. I’m slowly
facing the fact that my bachelor days are
coming to an end, that I’ll soon be starting a
new life and answering to a new boss. And so
far, I haven’t needed to take any prescription
drugs or see a psychiatrist. But there’s still
time.
I’ve been single for 35 long years. In fact, I’ve
never even come close to being married,
unless you count the time I fell deeply in love
and almost proposed to a poster of Heather
Locklear. But I came to my senses, realizing
that an ordinary guy like me could never
impress the beautiful actress, not without
spending a few years in a tattoo parlor.
My life is about to change drastically. As a
married man, I’ll have to keep all my things
neater, go to bed much earlier, and find a
good place, somewhere in my home, to hide
all my credit cards.
Thankfully, my lovely fiancee, Malathi, has a
good sense of humor. She doesn’t take me
too seriously. Except, of course, when I tell her
I’m crazy about her. So crazy that I’m willing to
go on a honeymoon during football season. I
usually watch at least one game every Sunday,
but because it'll be a special time for us -- far
more important than football -- I’m willing to
skip, with no complaints, the entire first half.
In case you’re wondering, I met Malathi
through a matrimonial ad on the Internet. I
placed the ad, she responded by e-mail and,
before we knew it, we had developed a rather
close e-relationship. Pretty soon, we wanted
to e-lope.
Actually, our relationship moved quickly from
e-mail to phone calls to plane trips. I flew to
Indiana, she flew to Pennsylvania, and we
agreed to fly off together to a land where only
the bravest men dare go, the land of
commitment. I was eager to take the flight,
though my ticket was nonrefundable and the
plane looked ominously like a Concorde.
Meeting through a matrimonial ad may not
sound romantic, but it’s how scores of Indians
find their mates. Likewise, a growing number
of Americans are meeting through personal
ads. The Internet has spawned thousands of
sites where singles of all ethnic backgrounds
can hook up. You can spend an entire year
checking out photos of eligible men and
women, who, despite being on the World
Wide Web, flash nothing but their smiles.
One of my friends, Ami, met her husband
through a matchmaking Web site. Without the
Internet, Ami and I would still be searching for
our mates, so we’re both thankful, naturally, to
Al Gore. His invention helped us meet two
great people in other states, fulfilling Gore’s
promise to unite America.
I proposed to Malathi at Dewey Beach in
Delaware, after she found an engagement
ring in a seashell. She said yes, even before I
had a chance to begin the hypnosis.
One of the best things about getting married is
never again having to hear that annoying
question: "When are you getting married?" Of
course, being married will bring other
questions, such as "When are you going to
have children?" "When are you going to buy a
house?" and "When are you going to get off
the couch and help me with the dishes?" But
those questions will be easier to answer: "As
soon as football season ends."
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Melvin Durai is a Shippensburg, Pa.-based
writer and humorist. A native of India, he grew up
in Zambia and moved to the U.S. in the
early 1980s.
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