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Four Types of Letters | Building Web Pages | Tools (software) |
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Four Types of Letters | Building Web Pages | Tools (software) |
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This letter has been sent round the world and was composed by Luke Arms who can be reached at armsluke@oocities.com
Hello, my name is Alfonso Merkin. I am suffering from rare and deadly diseases, poor scores on final exams, lack of sexual activity, fear of being kidnapped and executed by anal electrocution, and guilt for not sending out 50 billion fucking forwards sent to me by people who actually believe that if you send them, that poor 6 year old girl in Arkansas with lung cancer brought on by second-hand smoke from the cigarettes smoked by the big bad men who kidnapped her and took pornographic pictures of her for use on their child pornography website will get 6 fucking cents every time you send me the letter. Do you honestly believe that Bill Gates is going to give you and everyone you send "his" email to $1000? How fucking stupid are you? Ooooh, looky here! If > I scroll down this page > and > >> > make a wish, I'll get laid by every Victoria's Secret model in the catalog! What a bunch of bullshit. So basically, this message is a big FUCK YOU to all the people out there who have nothing better to do than to send me stupid chain mail forwards. Maybe the evil chain letter leprechauns will come into my apartment and sodomize me in my sleep for not continuing the chain which was brought to this country by midget pilgrims on the Mayflower and if it makes it to the year 2000, it'll be in the Guinness Book of World Records for longest continuous streak of blatant stupidity. Fuck them. If you're going to forward something, at least send something mildly amusing. I've seen all the "send this to 50 of your closest friends, and this poor, wretched excuse for a human being will somehow receive a nickel from some "omniscient being" forwards about 90 times. I don't fucking > care. Show a little intelligence and think about what you're actually contributing to by sending out forwards. Chances are it's your own unpopularity.
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> >> > >> >>> > >> > >> >>> > >> > >> >>> > >> > >>
>>> > >> > >> >>> > >> > Wasn't that fun? :)
Hope you made a great > wish.:)
Now, to make you feel guilty, here's what I'll do.
First of all, > if you don't send this to 5096 people in
the next 5 seconds, you will be raped by a mad goat and thrown off
a high building into a pile of manure. It's true! Because, THIS
letter isn't like all of those fake ones, THIS one is TRUE!! Really!!!
Here's how it goes:
*Send this to 1 person:
One person will be pissed off
at you for sending them a stupid chain letter.
*Send this to 2-5 people:
2-5 people will be
pissed off at you for
sending them a stupid chain letter.
*Send this to 5-10 people:
5-10 people will be
pissed off at you for
sending them a stupid chain letter,
and may form a plot on your life.
*Send this to 10-20 people: 10-20 people will
be pissed off at you
for sending them a stupid chain letter
and will napalm your house.
Thanks!!!! Good Luck!!! > >> > > >> > > >> > > -------------------------------------------------------
Hi there!! This chain letter has been in > existence since 1897.
This > >> > is absolutely incredible because there was no > email then
and probably > >> > not as many little 8 year olds writing chain > letters.
So this is how > it > >> > works. > >> > > >> > > >> > Pass this on to
15,067 people in the next 7 > minutes or something > >> > horrible will
happen to you like: > >> > > >> > Queer Horror Story #1 > >> > > >> > Miranda
Pinsley was walking home from school on > Saturday. She had > >> > recently
recieved this letter and ignored it. > She then tripped in a > >> > crack
in the sidewalk, fell into the sewer, was > gushed down a drainpipe > >>
> in a flood of poopie, and went flying out > over a waterfall. Not only
> did > >> > she smell nasty, she died. This Could Happen To > You!!! >
>> > > >> > > >> > Queer Horror Story #2 > >> > > >> > Dexter Bip, a 13
year old boy, got a chain > letter in his mail and > >> > ignored it. Later
that day, he was hit by a car > and so was his > boyfriend > >> > (hey,
some people swing that way). They both > died and went to hell and > >>
> was cursed to eat adorable kittens every day > for eternity. This Could
> >> > Happen To You!!! > >> > > >> > > >> > Remember, you could end up
like Pinsley and Bip > did. Just send this > >> > > >> > letter to all
of your loser friends, and > everything will be Ok. > >> > > >> > > >>
> > ------------------------------------------------------
As if you care, here is a poem that I wrote. > Send it to every
one of > >> > your friends. > >> > > >> > Friends > >> > > >> > A friend
is someone who is always at your side, > >> > A friend is someone who likes
you even though > you smell like poop, > >> > A friend is someone who likes
you even though > you're disgustingly ugly, > >> > A friend is someone
who cleans up for you after > you've soiled yourself, > >> > A friend is
someone who stays with you all > night while you cry about > your > >>
> loser life, > >> > A friend is someone who pretends they like you > when
they really think > >> > you should be raped by mad goats, then thrown
> to vicious dogs, > >> > A friend is someone who scrubs your toilet, >
vacuums and then gets the > >> > check and leaves and doesn't speak much
> English... no sorry that's > >> > the cleaning lady, > >> > A friend
is not someone who sends you chain > letters because he > >> > wants his
wish of being rich to come true. > >> > > >> > > >> > Now pass this on!
If you don't, you'll be eaten > by wild mutts. > >> > > ----------------------------------------------------------
> >> > > >> > > >> > > >> > > >> >
There. Now that we've covered and dumped on the > four main types of > >> > chain letters, onto the ironic part. In order > for this to get any > >> > popularity, > >> > send it on!!! If you don't think it was funny > at all, don't bother, but > >> > otherwise forward this sucker to everyone you > know!! If you don't, I > >> > don't care, but why not show this around? Take > two minutes and forward > >> > it. Thanks! Remember, the moral of the story > is, if you get a chain > >> > letter, ignore it. If it's a joke or something, > send it, sure, but if > it's > >> > gonna make people feel guilty (i.e. the > willieless boy from > >> > Baklaliviatatlaglooshen) or nervous (i.e. > Miranda Pinsley who ended > >> > up in a waterfall of SHIT) just delete it. > >> > > >> > Do yourself and everyone else in the world a favor and say,
"BUGGER CHAIN LETTERS!!" > >> > > > > >
= Luke Arms > ================================================ >
107 University Drive, North Lambton NSW 2299 > Australia >
http://www.oocities.org/CapeCanaveral/1545/ >
armsluke@oocities.com >
(02) 4957 3352 >
============================================================ >
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