JOSIE--Ah, the fair Josie, the long-suffering heroine within my private pantheon. In her early thirties with eyes that change color from one day to the next. Slim in build, with a high, sweet voice; obsessively puttering about the household constantly cleaning (cleaning even as I type these words). Possesses a love of soap operas, serial novels, and Airheads. Everyone loves Josie, myself included (of course!) (NOTE: That's not my hand on her shoulder...GASP! It's another man!)

ANNIE, ASHLEY, and TIGLEY--Annie's the oldest, and graduated from high school about two years ago. Ashley is the middle child, with curly brown hair and chocolate brown eyes. Tigger is the baby of the family, an Irish leprechaun who is constantly on the go-jumping, running, jumping, climbing, JUMPING

MABEL--Mabel used to be referred to as my "second wife," until she finally met the man of her dreams last year. We've been friends since High School. In fact, we dated for a brief period, but are definitely better off as friends, which we've been for almost twenty years now. She's preparing for her wedding next year, and has asked Josie to be the maid of honor. I've been asked to sing, and live in perpetual fear that I'll let out a huge belch during one of the numbers. That's our faithful dog Prince, by her side.

SHIRLEY--I've known Shirley since junior high. We didn't like each other much back then. We like each other much better now. Mabel, Shirley, and I used to be known as the Three Musketeers. Then Josie came along and they kicked me out of their triumvirate. Oh, well. We're all still very close. Shirley has a daughter that's ten years old. Shirley's life somewhat resembles the Perils of Pauline-she's constantly involved in some crisis, and has been a major topic of conversation at the dinner table for years.

PIERRE--Pierre is the love of Shirley's life. They lived together for years, squabbling constantly. Last year, Pierre and Shirley split apart, and he went through a Roman spring where he dated as many women as he could, fornicating with as many as would say 'yes.' Pierre recently found someone he wants to stay with, other than Shirley. Shirley's not certain what's worse-his Bacchalian excesses, or his newfound monogamy.

NANCY NUTT--Ah, the Nuttster! We affectionately called her Mom. She was the main protagonist in "Friday Nights at the Red Pine Motel," and her real life is definitely stranger than the fiction. She passed away last year, and I miss her terribly.

Return to main page