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December'01
Quotes of the Month
"A moustache looks like you're hiding something, but a goatee is like 'Oh, he partakes in facial hair.'" -- Katie, 12/4
&
Mom: So what have we learned on this trip?
Tracee: Don't try new things.
(12/24)
12/1
The Brae Loch Inn, Cazenovia, NY: Phi Sig Semiformal
"They better not drop a piano on us or there'll be no redheads in Phi Sig." -- Benny, standing with Sara and Beau
12/2
Somewhere in Newhouse: Phi Sig E-council
Louise: There's a lot of maroon in the room today.
Dan Bart: Shut up!
The next room over: Phi Sig chapter meeting
Andrew: You want a cookie? What did you do?
Brenda: It's my birthday.
Andrew: Oh, okay.
Sara: That was easy. I have red hair!
Sara's room
Benny: I always read emails.
Andrew: You're a good person.
Benny: No, I just spend a lot of time in my room.
"Wow, it's like Quotebook mania!" -- Benny, as Sara and I both wrote in our respective Quotebooks
12/4
Eggers Cafe, studying for World Music
"I should study more, but I think my brain'll blow up." -- Jess Crawford
Crouse
"Go outside, the biggest practice room there is." -- Adam, to Hope, who was playing her sexy white clarinet in the lounge.
"A moustache looks like you're hiding something, but a goatee is like 'Oh, he partakes in facial hair.'" -- Katie
"If you wanted, we could have kicked you a lot." -- Katie, suggesting to Meghan ways we could have aided in her demise.
12/6
E-mail
"Christ. And let's also just say that if I could type porno music right now, I would. :) St. Louis is going to be a sex festival. Which isn't to say the phone isn't nice. I'm telling you way too much, aren't I? :)" -- Caz
12/7
Andrew's Room
"Oh, that's a REAL turtle." -- Kelly, without her glasses
Mike Mitnick's apartment: Katie's birthday party
"I felt like Dorothy in the Emerald City. '(sung) Take a picture of your retina, ha! ha! ha!" -- Kelly, describing her surreal trip to Lenscrafters
"You know what I was going to get you as a Jew-warming present?" -- Katie
12/8
Ostrom Avenue, in the snow
"Pat tells me everything, unless he's having an affair, in which case he loses his penis." -- Lusky
12/9
online
"I became insane last night, and decided to tally. You're my hero :-)" -- Kathleen, to Andrew
Kelly's Car, between Wegmans and Our House
"Lauren's a lot more patient than I am because, honestly, I probably would have just killed her in her sleep." -- Kelly, discussing her friend Lauren's dealings with her roommate.
back online
Dan Lerner: thats why you should always have a bottle of wine in the house. just in case.
Andrew: I keep emergency yarmulkes in my car.
Dan Lerner: i have a shofar in my closet. somewhere.
Andrew: I'm going to listen to the Nutcracker Suite while I make latkes :-)
Kathleen: worlds collide!
"Happy ....pause for spelling identification....Hannukah! No? Hannukkah? Haannuukkaahh?" -- Kathleen, learning how to spell Hanukkah.
The Place to Be: Chanukah Party
Brenda: It's phallic-shaped AND shiny!
Sara: "So I'll stick it in my eye!"
"That's Brenda's job; she sits around the room and makes inappropriate comments." -- Sara
Benny's Car, on the way to Tully's
"It's the Schupatella Virus. It will infect you and make you do embarrassing dances in public." -- Kelly, commenting on my drawing in the foggy window
phone
"I don't understand the concept of normal anymore." -- Kathleen (no kidding)
12/10
The living room
"Hear that sound? That's my butt." -- Cricket, as she slapped her ass.
Cricket: I like the way you say [gelt].
Andrew: Why, how do you say it?
Cricket: ... The same way.
12/11
The Kitchen
Matty: What do you do with a boyfriend at [the age of] 10?
Kelly: You kind of run around and hit each other with things.
12/12
Our House
"Burn, Chanukah! Burn!" -- Kelly, and she meant it in a kind, Jew-loving way
"Yeah, that's why I kill people." -- Miriam, referring to an article in which a woman kills her husband for not taking out the garbage or something.
On the way to our cartography final
"Mr. Monmonier says black dots on a black background are ineffective." -- Kelly, to Miriam who was discussing installing a video camera in her parking lot to catch the burgalers (who would be dressed in black and doing their thing at night)
12/15
Home at last
"I love it so much! I love it I love it I love it I love it I love it I'm not going to kiss you." -- Reyna Berman (Andrew's mom), being given a present by Tracee and having a cold.
12/16
The Candlelight Diner
"Oh no oh no oh no oh no oh no oh no actually it's quite relaxing." -- Kathleen, as I poked her.
Kathleen: She's not coming. She's in Ohio.
Waiter: We deliver.
12/18
Online
"Ooh! If there's no dojo, then I can shower whenever I want!" -- Sara
The Bermatorium
Sara: Is that a map of Greenland?
Hoter: Is that a map of Africa?
(It was a map of Brazil)
Tompy: Shut up!
Hoter: I am! You can't hear that.
Hoter: I'm funny tonight.
Tompy: Well STOP!
Affectionate names for Stupid Penguin
- Stuppapotamus (Hoter)
- Stupendous (Hoter)
- Turtellini (Tompy)
The Diner, again
"Look at all the ketchup!" -- Kathleen, taking in the scene.
Andrew: Some people call me Drew.
Kathleen: I'm scared of those people.
Andrew: "I'll say this very quietly into my elbow" (mocking Kathleen)
Kathleen: I don't have an elbow.
Online with Mary :)
"Mary, Denny's is not about the food. If Denny's was about the food, people wouldn't go to Denny's." -- Andrew
"Can i just say whenever you or sara put 'mandarins singing blank' for song, i immediately think of chinese singers?" -- Mary
"I like your brain." -- Andrew
"Smile at the nice gentile, Andrew!" -- Mary
Mary: Saltines! Tt's sad that i'm so poor that i find it necessary to be excited about eating saltines.
Andrew: I am excited about saltines. I mean, not right now, but when I find them, it's always exciting :-)
Mary: Do you ever seek out saltines, or do you usually stumble upon them?
Andrew: That is a good question.
Mary: One for the ages, indeed.
Andrew: I more often find myself seeking them than stumbling upon then.
Mary: Really.
Andrew: Yes.
Mary: saltines are, i would think, a more stumbled snack than a sought one. You probably just like to lick them, that's why.
12/20
The Diner, yeah.
"[lip print]" -- Heather (first quote)
"That man is holding ketchup and it's turning me on." -- Kathleen, her Diner Ketchup experiences gradually getting more severe.
12/21
The train into the City
"They need to cierra la puerta because it's a little chili con carne with queso in here." -- Tompy
Mars
"I can't believe my cell phone works on Mars!" -- Kathleen
"She rules. She should be a wax sculpture." -- Kathleen, about J. K. Rowling
Wandering about the City
"It's really not that exciting. It's really hard to find pants and people always want you to get things." -- Tompy, on being tall
"He can be a dick sometimes, but ya know what? It's my dick." -- Heather
The train back home
"Why are you callin me a fuckin almond cookie?" -- Heather, in response to Kathleen calling her a biscotti
"On the next episode of ... Crackfiends!" -- Kathleen
"Santhatractustrobitchchiminhbia. Smush! Santhatractustrobitchchiminhbia. Smush! ..." -- Kathleen and Andrew, ad nauseum
Andrew: You don't have classes?
Kathleen: We do, but they're during that ... bright day thing.
12/22
Tompyland
Hoter: Jump, Kitty! Jump!
Tompy: Kitty kitty jump, jump.
The United Artists theater in Farmingdale
"This place is like, Coca Cola's bitch." -- Andrew, amid Coca Cola ads.
12/23
Killington, Vermont
Note: For ease of my typing, my parents, Eric and Reyna Berman, will heretofor be referred to as Dad and Mom, respectively. Please be advised that a quote attributed to "Mom" was said by my mom, not yours. Same goes for "Dad." Tracee and Lauren are my sisters. You are pleased to meet them.
"My radar told me she was from Westbury." -- Mom
"All your yellow lines are double yellow lines." -- Mom, to Lauren
The Wobbly Barn
"Everybody eats at the Wobbly Barn! I took all my wobbly friends here last year!" -- Tracee
Tracee: There used to be a Haverford's in Albany.
Dad: What happened? It blew up?
Tracee: No, I left.
Tracee: I decided not to order the duck, because I like ducks.
Dad: Gee, I really HATE chocolate. And Sugar cane! Those bastards.
12/24
Casey's Caboose (still in Killington)
Mom: So what have we learned on this trip?
Tracee: Don't try new things.
In the condo
"Taliban Taliban Taliban Taliban Taliban, bidibidibidibidibidibidi!" -- Mom, going insane, I suppose.
12/25
In the Base Lodge
"There's the red smudge of mom on my cup." -- Dad
"You know what you do on Great Eastern? You make your shopping list." -- Mom, referring to a very boring green circle (easy trail)
Sitting on a mound of dirty snow
Mom: Ooh! Let's take a picture.
Andrew: I love the way your mind works.
12/26
Kathleen's House, Guam, NY
Heather: Random sex is no good!
Doug shoots her a nasty look.
Heather: I mean, I do it. But NO!
12/27
online
"You're odd, but it's charming." -- Alyssa, to Andrew
The Reorganization of the United States, by Andrew, Kathleen, Disuhan, Hoter, Tompy, Jennelle, and Matt
The states we're keeping, and why
- California -- Andrew's friends Louise and Dana live there
- Oregon -- Matt's relatives live there
- Washington -- Disuhan has friends that live there
- Nevada -- Las Vegas
- Idaho -- Jennelle and Kathleen like potatoes
- Montana -- Disuhan wants to live there. Apparently it's pretty
- Wyoming -- According to Disuhan, it has the last surviving population of wolves and grizzly bears.
- Utah -- Good places to ski, like Alta and Snowbird
- Colorado -- Good skiing, and Tompy goes to school there
- Arizona -- My dad takes frequent business trips there and Jenn Bentley lives there
- New Mexico -- Sara likes it, and we like Sara
- Kansas -- Tompy's family lives there
- Texas -- Hoter's dad takes business trips there
- Louisiana -- Mardi Gras
"It has tits and beer. We're keeping it." -- Hoter, about Louisiana
- Wisconsin -- Everyone but Andrew likes cheese
- Illinois -- Kathleen's uncle, Disuhan's sorority sister, and Ohare International Airport
- Indiana -- Delta Upsilon International (for Matt)
- Kentucky -- They make horses there
- Ohio -- Disuhan goes to school there, and so do the people she knows (some of whom in the biblical sense)
- Maine -- Andrew's friends Mikey and Amanda live there
- Vermont -- Skiing, and it's a sheet of ice, so we can't move it
- New Hampshire -- Kathleen's old roommates
- Massachusetts -- Kathleen kinda needs it.
"Yeah, I kinda need it." -- Kathleen, about Massachusetts
- Connecticut -- Hoter's family lives there
- Rhode Island -- See below
Kathleen: We can't get rid of Rhode Island.
Andrew: Why not?
Kathleen: Because it's stuck to Connecticut.
(We were using a puzzle of the United States as a visual aid. Connecticut and Rhode Island were one piece)
- New York -- We wouldn't dare.
- New Jersey -- Unfortunately, everyone has family and friends in Jersey
- Pennsylvania -- Chocolate people and Anthony (for Disuhan)
- Maryland -- Alpha Beta Volleyball Tournament (for Andrew), and it's stuck to Wahsington D.C.
- Delaware -- It's stuck to Maryland and D.C.
- West Virginia -- It, too, stuck to Maryland and D.C.
- Virginia -- Adam, Christine, Dawn Balsam and Marisa Hoheb go to school there
- North Carolina -- Hoter has nostalgia there
- Georgia -- Friends and airports? I don't remember agreeing to this one, but okay :)
- Florida -- Grandparents, warmth, and the inability to count (fun to make fun of)
- Alaska -- Disuhan plans to live there, before or after Montana I guess.
- Hawaii -- Pearl Harbor memorial, and Hawaiians are hot.
The states we have deemed useless, and are hence banished to Canada
- North Dakota -- Bye.
- South Dakota -- Bye. We'll move the black-footed ferrets and Mount Rushmore to Montana, where there will be plenty of room because the only reason we're keeping it is so Disuhan can live there. There is plenty of room one Disuhan, several ferrets, and a large national monument in that huge state.
- Nebraska -- Bye, and Tompy requests that we burn it.
- Oklahoma -- Yeah. We're not impressed by the panhandle. I will tell my friend Kristina to move.
- Minnesota -- Bye. We'll move the Mall of America to Indiana or Illinois, as those states will be taking Minnesota's place to make room for Colorado, which is being moved adjacent to Ohio so Tompy and Disuhan are closer to each other
- Missouri -- Banishment of Missouri will take place after Martin Luther King Day, because my friend Caz has plans to meet a sexy Hawaiian in St. Louis that weekend for a sex festival. After that, we will move the Arch to ... well who cares, really? We'll stick it in, I don't know, Montana. After all, it has nothing but a few ferrets, some scary rocks, and a zoology freak :)
- Arkansas -- I've got your Little Rock right here.
- Tennessee -- Bye.
Andrew: What's important about Memphis?
Kathleen: That's where someone ... did things. And the other person may have too.
"I'd like to point out once more that we're doing this." -- Matt
- Mississippi -- Bye. But we can still spell it if we want.
- Alabama -- Bye.
- Michigan -- Bye.
- South Carolina -- Bye. In its absence will be Inferior Bay, since the Northern parts of Illinois and Indiana have filled in Lake Superior, and moving so far south makes its name inaccurate. North Carolina may now be called Carolina.
Which U.S. states could you do without? Please email me your explanations and I'll put them up on my survey page.
12/28
Online
"I like evolution. Evolution makes things smart. I like smart things. Especially MEN oooooooooooooooh. Sexy nyippppppy." -- Margaret Bright-Ryan (first quote!)
"My nyipping is a very excited nyippity nyipping today." -- Margaret
"Eat, drink, and say nyip, for tomorrow we shall die." -- Margaret
"Wouldn't it be nice if birds shit a pleasant substance? Like bubbles or something? Rainbows?" -- Cricket
"Quoted days are good days." -- Cricket
Cricket: What do I hate?
Andrew: Let's see. You hate ... Jerry Major
Cricket: shudder...
Andrew: you hate ... Stupid ass methods
Cricket: wretch....
Andrew: you hate ... dirty kitchens
Cricket: grumble...
Andrew: you hate ... crow shit
Cricket: splork
Green Garden Chinese Restaurant, Greenlawn, NY
"The sensation is like rainbows." -- Kathleen, combining catch phrases for York Peppermint Patties and Skittles (don't sue me, thanks)
"Can I say that if there was ever an eyeball in here, I wouldn't know it." -- Kathleen, gazing into her egg drop soup.
"I met Reagan! No, not really. But his wax sculpture!" -- Kathleen, not understanding the concept of normal :)
The Hoterrarium
Sara: Stop!
Matt: But I'm so close!
Sara: To a broken finger!
Kim: "Somebody's getting ass in my room!"
Kathleen: Sounds like a bad version of Goldilocks.
"Oh big pimpin, spin the cheese." -- Tompy
"We're tied for sucking the most." -- Disuhan, to Andrew
"The socks have gone west." -- Tompy
Names Tompy called Hoter tonight
- Merriweather
- Hardening Hersheys
12/29
Friendlys, Yorktown Heights, NY
"Mormons are like, 'Have six wives, have ten wives! But no husbands for you.'" -- Bryanna
online
"I wish to issue a gentle reminder that I am from Michigan and it is indeed a worthwhile state." -- Bethy
12/30
The Bermatorium
"Is it ... Paraguay? Is it ... Antarctica? Denmark?" -- Disuhan, being the third person to not recognize Brazil
Sports Plus ice rink
"I have your bag. I'm mugging you very slowly." -- Kathleen
Kimtown
Disuhan: What's the opposite of Green Garden?
Kathleen: Red ... pavement!
Kathleenaville
"I like white stuff that drips." -- Tompy
Disuhan: I'm gonna be armed.
Andrew: I'm gonna be armed and legged!
Tompy: I'm gonna be really tall.
online
"I've decided to do my nails to match the colors I use on AIM whenever possible." -- Kittykitty
Kathleen: Ohhh the prophets ... they say things.
Andrew: They do! And then they write them down.
(Discussing ancient Jewish readings)
"They're off to break the record; the wonderful record of Oz." -- Andrew, about Buffalo
Bethy: You spend far too much time on that quotebook. Don't you have... things to do?
Andrew: Yes, I ignore them.
12/31
The House of Matt
"It's a quarter to nine. I know this by looking at the clock that's always been in your living room." -- Sara, to Matt who doubted the previous existence of the clock in question.
"Everyone brought food but no one brought the weed! None of it's gonna get eaten!" -- Tompy.
For the rest of the quotes from New Years, go to January 2002, duh.