puts lipstick on the forehead because he wants to makeup his mind.gets stabbed in a shoot-out.
sends a fax with a postage stamp on it.
tries to drown a fish in waters.
thinks socialism means partying.
trips over a cordless phone.
takes a ruler to bed to see how long he slept.
"studies for a blood test and fails.
sells the car for gas money.
misses the 44 bus, and takes the 22 twice instead.
drives to the airport and sees a sign that said,
"Airport left", he turns around and goes home.gets locked in Furniture Shop and sleeps on the floor.
Q: "Have you ever read Shakespeare?"Sardar: "No, who wrote it?"Sardar ordered a pizza and the clerk asked if he should cut it in six
or twelve pieces."Six, please. I could never eat twelve pieces." * *Why did 18 sardarjis go to a movie?Because below 18 was not allowed.
How do you measure a Sardar's intelligence?
Stick a tire pressure gauge in his earWhat do you do when a Sardar throws a pin at you?
Run like Hell....he's got a hand grenade in his mouth.How do you make a Sardar laugh on Saturday?Tell him a joke on Wednesday.
What is the Sardar doing when he holds his hands tightly over his ears?
Trying to hold on to a thought.Why do Sardars work seven days a week?
So you don't have to re-train them on Monday.Why can't Sardars make ice cubes? they always forget the recipe.
How did the Sardar try to kill the bird?
He threw it off a cliff.What do you call 10 Sardars standing ear toear?
A wind tunnel.What do you see when you look into a Sardar's eyes?
The back of his head.What do you do when a Sardar throws a hand grenade at you?
Pull the pin and throw it back.What do you call a sardar who drinks only beer?
Just-beer Singh ('T' silent!).What do you call a sardar who has only one drink?
Just-one Singh.Why does Sardar always smile during lightningstorms?
They think their picture is being taken.Why does Sardar have "TGIF" written on their shoes?
Toes Go In First.How can you tell when Sardar sends you a fax?
It has a stamp on it.Why can't Sardar dial 911?
They can not find the eleven on the phone
"Oh, oh..look at the dead bird."
Sardar looked skyward and said "Where, Where??
SPARE ENGINE
BMW cars were having back mounted engines earlier.
Sardar Hari Singh Purchased a new BMW and was driving
back to home very happily. On the way the car broke down.
Sardarji came out of the car and opened the bonnet, trying to fix up
theproblem. Immediately began to sweat. By that time Sardar Gani Singh came by that way and saw our sardarji, totally confused and sweating tryingto search something inside the bonnet, and asked him what was the matter. Hari Singh: "The BMW people made me
fool.They have given me the Car without the engine.
" Gani Singh: "Don't worry. I have spare engine in the back of my BMW. You can take that."
TO LOOSE WEIGHT...
The doctor told Sardarji that if he ran eightkilometers a day
for 300 days, he would loose 34 kilos. At the end of 300 days, Sardarji called the doctor to report he had lost theweight,but he had a problem. "What's the problem?"asked the doctor.
"I'm 2400 kms from home."
SPARE BOMB
Sardars Hari Singh and Gani Singh got fed up withthe Indian Govt and decided to blow up the parliament. They took 2 bombs, put them in a suitcase in the front seat of their car and set off.Hari Singh asks "What happens if the bombs blast off now".
Gani Singhsays
"Don't worry. I have a spare bomb in the back seat"
COUNT THE CHICKEN
Sardars Hari Singh and Gani Singh walked toward each
other on a country road.Hari Singh carried a burlap bag
over his shoulder.
"Hey Bhai," Gani Singh drawled, "what's in the bag?"
"Chickens," was the reply.
"If I guess how many, can I have one?"
"You can have both of them."
"OK, Five?"
ANOTHER COUNT!
Our Sardar is walking down the street and sees a
man jumping up and down on a manhole cover yelling "86, 86, 86".
He asks the man "Excuse me, but why are you jumping up and down on this man hole cover and yelling '86, 86,86'? " The man says, "Well, I can't tell you that, but if you really want to know, I can let you go under there and find out. He thinks for a moment, then his curiosity gets the better of him, and he says, "Okay."
The man lifts the manhole cover, He steps into the manhole, and the man puts the manhole coverbackand starts jumping up and down on it yelling "87, 87, 87"...
EMPLOYMENT
Our sardarji was filling up an application form
for a job. He promptly filled the columns titled
NAME,AGE,ADDRESSetc.
Then came to the column Salary Expected :
He was not sure as to what to be filled
there. After much thought he wrote : Yes
AT INDO-PAK WAR
Once in the Indo Pakistan war, Pakistan was
fighting fiercelyand capturing everything in sight. A Sikh camp called Gurudwara hideout was crucial to defend from the Pakistanis as
itcontained all the defence secrets. The Pakistani forces surrounded the
baseand the sikhs had thought that they had lost the battle
but, suddenly out of the bushes jumps Cptn. Hari Singh wearing
aMaachar dani(mosquito net) . He Pulls out his AK-47 rifle and fires like mad. The pakistanis run off quickly. The next day Hari Singh gets a medal.
His freinds ask him "Yaar thu maachar daani kyon pehenke gaya tha?"
Hari Singh replies "Maachar daani itni patli hote hain ki agar maachar
nahin ghus sakte, goli kahan se ghussenghi?
HEIGHTS OF REVENGE
Talking about those days when there were no
mosquito repellents and we had to spend sleepless nights. Sardarji
was also experiencing the same every time he tries to sleep,one
mosquito comes and disturbs his sleep with a sound "guooonn, guooonn."
He gets very irritated. He tries to cover his ear but the problem remains
persistent. Ultimately he gets up and catches the
mosquito in his hand. He is very kind and not for the blood shed but
stillwanted to take revenge.
Happy as he is now starts singing a lullaby and say
"so ja machchar, bete so ja". After some time
hefinds the mosquito falling in to deep sleep in his
hands.
So he goes near it and says "Guoooonnnnn,guoooonnnnn."
DOUBLE DECKER BUS RIDE
Santa Singh and Banta Singh landed up in Bombay.They managed to
get into a double-decker bus. Santa Singh somehow managed
to get a bottom seat, But unfortunate Banta got pushed to the
top.After a while when the rush is over, Santa went upstairs to see
friendBanta Singh. He met Banta in a bad condition clutching the seats in frontwith both hands, scared to death.
He says, "Are Banta Singh! What the heck's goin' on? Why are you so scared ? I was enjoying my ride down there?
Scared Banta replies. "Yeah, but you'vegot a *driver.*"
CHANDIGARH OR JALANDHAR
Sardar was going to Chandigarh from pune by an air-india plane.He was alloted the middle seat of one of the 3-seats array. But as soon as the sardarji got into the plane, he sat on thewindow side seat which was actually for an old lady. After some time the oldlady came and requested the sardarji to leave the side seat. But the sardaji told: "I want to see the view from the window and shall not leave". The old lady then complained to the airhostess. The air hostess came and requested the sardarji to leave that seat.But Sardarji was adament and did not leave. Then the air hostess went and told the asst capt. He also came and requested,but in vain. Finally the Captain came. He whispered something in the ears of the sardarji, and the sardarji immedietly left the side seat and returned to the middle seat.
Astonished, the airhostess and the asst capt. asked the capt. what he told to the sardarji.
Capt. replied:
"nothing.I just told him that only the middle seats will go to Chandigarh. All others will go to Jalandhar."
SO NEXT TIME YOU ARE PREPARED TO RECOGNIZE SARDARJI.......
Wits on Laloo Prasad Yadav-Former UP Chief Minister
once Laloo was coming out of Airport.As there was huge rush the
security guard told Laloo
"WAIT PLEASE" for which Laloo replied "65Kgs" and moved on...
Once Laloo wanted to know the time difference between Bihar and Las
Vegas..So he called up the Tourist department and asked them "Ji..could
you tell me the time difference between Patna and LasBegas...".The man
at the other end replies "One second sir..." and Laloo immediately
replies "thank you" andputs the phone down.Laloos family planning policy.."DONT HAVE MORE THAN TWO CHILDREN IN ONE
YEAR"
At a bar in New York, the man to Laloo's left tells the
bartender, "JOHNNIE WALKER, SINGLE."And the man's companion says, "JACK DANIELS, SINGLE."
The bartender approaches Laloo and asks, "AND YOU, SIR?"
Laloo replies: "LALOO YADAV, MARRIED."
After having resigned as the CM of Bihar, Laloo decides togo modelling.
Once he enters the herd of buffaloes and resting his elbows on the
back of the cattle he poses for the photo. Next day the photo appears
front page of a newspaper.GUESS THE CAPTION !!"Laloo, third from left!"
Laloo Prasad Yadav was hosting a Japanese Delegation forBusiness
Development to Bihar.
The Japanese Emissary was quite impressed with Bihar and he stated,
"Bihar is an excellent state. Give us three years andwe will turn it
into an economic superpower like Japan."
Laloo was very surprised. "You Japanese are veryinepicient,"he
stated. "Give me three days and I will turn Japan into the nextBihar!"
