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DIARY
Ireland qualify.
Uruguay qualify.
The Draw.
2nd JUNE
6 o'clock start on a Sunday, what devotion! Who could have dared write off Batistuta? Sorin impresses with his energy, Zanetti and Ortega are fluid and skillful coming forward. Argentina look strong.
After a brief sortie to the supermarket I was in place for the Sweden game. Campbell rises to the occasion and I'm jumping around the room. But we're not playing well, these early balls just give it straight back to the opposition. Vassell looks the man in form, Hargreaves runs himself into the ground. We should have finished them off but instead the Swedes come back strongly and a defensive error by Danny Mills allows Alexandersson in for an equaliser.
Spain throw off their reputation for first-match nerves with a comfortable win over Slovenia. Raul and luis Enrique impress. South Africa fight back late after Arce's left foot causes mayhem.
31st MAY
The perfect start! Champions and favourites beaten by Senegal, former colony wreaks revenge on its former master. El Hadj Diouf skipped through the French defence as if he was playing on his local street corner. Their only response was a series of cynical fouls which eventually led to the booking of Petit. France came out fighting in the second half but just couldn't penetrate the back line of Bruno Mesto's team. Tony Sylva made some superb saves late on to deny Henry.
I missed the first 35 mins. due to work so Senegal were already leading when I got into the Surbiton Flyer nearly pissing myself with excitement as I clocked the score. ripples of applause broke out as we marvelled at some audacious displays of skill. A South African supporter at the bar was just muttering "This is beautiful".
26th MAY
Well, we were lucky to get away with a draw against Cameroon. The England squad has been decimated by injury, and although Robbie Fowler's late equaliser salvaged the result we were lucky to get the draw. On the positive side, Darius Vassell was bright and found the target with a good finish- in my book he's played himself into the starting XI, as has Owen Hargreaves. Heskey looked like a carthorse on the left and Wes Brown gifted the Indomitable Lions their first goal with an appalling piece of marking early on. Cameroon switched play marvellously, kept posession superbly and looked at home with the hot humid conditions. They are certainly a force to be reckoned with.
Assuming Beckham is fit my eleven to face Sweden on Sunday is:
Seaman
Bridge
Campbell
Ferdinand
Mills
Hargreaves
Scholes
Beckham
Sheringham
Vassell
Owen
Send your preferred England starting lineups to virtualwc@hotmail.com and we'll try to get them online asap...
13th APRIL
There's just seven weeks to go now and Sven is about to announce his squad. Of course the main story here has been David Beckham's foot, and apparently there are positive developments on this front. We are told he'll be available for the World Cup but not for any Manky Urinal matches. (What a shame that United have lost Keane, Beckham and Veron when they're most needed!). Not so long ago I was speculating on the England squad, and it seems that things have changed considerably in regards to the players that are in the frame. Chelsea defenders LeSaux and Terry seem completely out of the picture now, a major disappointment to me. Terry's career has stuttered due to injury and indiscipline off the pitch. LeSaux's 'temperament' is considered suspect despite the fact that he is clearly the best left-back in the country. Kevin Phillips has had an unimpressive season and looks well out of contention now. Darius Vassell has staked a reasonable claim for a ticket and Charly Dimmock lookalike Ray Parlour could be a late inclusion.
The domestic season is starting to resolve itself, with a three-way battle for the Premiership. Arsenal look strong and are statistical favourites, Liverpool are presently doing themselves no harm by leading 1-0 at the Stadium of Light. Man City will be back in the top flight next season. They've played some quality football and the midfield of Berkovich and one of my old favourites Benarbia has been a joy to watch. A few high-profile signings could make them a force to be reckoned with next year.
19th JANUARY
Today it's the non-World Cup players who are hitting the headlines. George Weah, the greatest footballer in the history of Africa, opened the scoring in the African Nations' Cup for Liberia against hosts Mali. Meanwhile back here in England prolific striker Ruud Van Nistelrooy has just broken the Premiership record by netting in 8 consecutive matches. Bizarrely Paolo di Canio has managed to find himself on the backpages again. The passionate and hugely talented forward has been told by passport authorities that he is able to apply for a UK passport, having now lived in Britain for 5 years during spells at Celtic, Sheffield Wednesday and West Ham. As he has never played a full international for Italy he could, if he wishes, play a part in Sven Goran Eriksson's plans. However on the same day John Terry has been ruled out of England's preparations pending a charge for assault and affray.
I could have probably done without 'Korea's top pop idol' Yoo Seung Gun leaping about in a white polythene muscle top, indulging in a horrifying mixture of Jacky Chan impersonations and Gangsta Rap posturing. I just wanted to watch the greatest Bingo show on earth. However, the spotlight was on Korea and they were going to insist on showing us their contribution to world culture. Cho Sang Hyun treated us to a 300-year old solo South Korean folk opera.
Apparently the daughter of a blind man offers herself as a sacrifice to sailors to allow the safe passage of goods to a Buddhist temple, so that the father may get his sight back. She is saved by the water dragon and taken away to marry the king. When she finally returns to visit her father he is so surprised that the daughter he feared lost is still alive that he opens his eyes in shock and can see again. Upon witnessing the performance I suspect he would have probably much rather lost the power of hearing.
The opera in its entirety is played in seven different tempos and can last up to eight hours. Vocals apparently inspired by a beating from South Korean riot police are liberally smattered over the soundtrack of a strangled bagpipe player being chased by an unruly swarm of bees banging saucepans. This, according to our newly polished wooden MCs, is an expression of the warmth and friendliness of the Korean people.
After a short speech by Mr.Blatter we're introduced to some local sporting heroes who will be helping with the draw. Fair play to the guy who climbed Everest without oxygen, but when it comes to the Oriental Chess champion I begin to realise that South Korea is not one of the planet's more illustrious sporting nations.
For some bizarre reason we now need a half-time break as the draw is made. Perhaps there's need for a change of strategy... maybe our Chess champion is finding the game a little fast for his liking and we need someone with a little more ball control picking the African and American teams... Our mid-point entertainment comes in the form of Anastacia singing the Official World Cup Song "Boom". She's got a wonderful voice and a fair enough cleavage but the song is as exciting as the prospect of Germany and Ireland grinding out a goaless draw in the grounds of a Murmansk steelworks. It's so tuneless that it could have been written by Barnsley fans.
Back to the second half, and two of our sporting celebrities have vanished. Perhaps they think its all over. Pinocchio and his sister adlib for a couple of minutes whilst the errant duo are grabbed from the toilet.
After a two-hour 'spectacular' we have our lineup:
| Group A | Group B | Group C | Group D | Group E | Group F | Group G | Group H |
| France | Spain | Brazil | South Korea | Germany | Argentina | Italy | Japan |
| Senegal | Slovenia | Turkey | Poland | Saudi Arabia | Nigeria | Ecuador | Belgium |
| Uruguay | Paraguay | China | U.S.A. | Ireland | England | Croatia | Russia |
| Denmark | South Africa | Costa Rica | Portugal | Cameroon | Sweden | Mexico | Tunisia |
Click here to view fixtures.
Personally I'm chuffed that Uruguay put the Aussies out. Dario Silva battled through with a serious injury to score the first, and Mr.Sub finished the game off with two late goals to make it 3-1 on aggregate. With the threat of a players' stike in England averted I'm looking forward to the draw on Saturday. (10 am UK time).
Well, Ireland have made it. The Iranian fans were already burning their programs (or maybe their Korans) on a humid night in Teheran as Dinohammadi put a neat consolation header past Shay Given in the 91st minute, but the hostile crowd never managed to evoke the sphincter-twisting tension of David Beckham's solo defeat of Greece a few week's earlier which booked England's ticket to the Far East.
According to Teletext, that leaves Uruguay and Australia scrapping over the final place in Japan/Korea 2002. Personally I'm backing Uruguay. I realise that Australia are an emerging nation in world football, and they have been knocking up cricket scores in the qualifiers, but Guam, Western Samoa and somewhere I haven't even heard of were not the toughest opposition. Gus Poyet was a great Chelsea favourite of mine not so long ago, and the dazzling Recoba and uncompromising Paolo Montero are so deserving of the greatest stage. However, in the event of Australia qualifying, I'll sit back and savour the sight of them trounced in front of a global TV audience even more than they enjoyed the Ashes series, Rugby World Cup and Olympic Games all rolled into one!
So, the combatants, according to Teletext are as follows:
HOLDERS: France.
CO-HOSTS: Japan, South Korea.
EUROPE: England, Poland, Sweden, Spain, Russia, Croatia, Portugal, Denmark, Italy, Slovenia, Turkey, Belgium, Germany, Ireland.
S.AMERICA: Argentina, Paraguay, Ecuador, Brazil.
CONCAF: Costa Rica, USA.
ASIA: China, Saudi Arabia.
AFRICA: South Africa, Cameroon, Senegal, Tunisia, Nigeria.
And the winner of the Australia/Uruguay playoff.
32 national teams representing the cream of international football. Over 500 men willing to subject themselves to the multilingual abuse of 6 billion. 'Tu es merde. Aaaaah!' 'Quien comio las tartas?' and so on... Or worse. Remember Escobar?
And then I notice that Teletext has lost an entire country.
Anyway all of the usual suspects made it through, some with more difficulty than others.
France, as holders, obviously had the easy route, but they're a class side and are likely to mount a serious defence of their title. Lexicographer's delight, Zinedine Zidane will be anxious to live up to his billing as the best all-round player on the planet.
Argentina again look powerful and can field as strong a team of 11 as anyone. The main chink in their armour seems to be a tendency to finish matches with less than that number. A special blend of talent, cynical defence, balletic diving and Batigols could take them all the way.
Italy qualified comfortably without setting the world alight. They're rock-solid at the back, which makes them hard to beat, but a lot rests on the shoulders of the pretty boys up front if they are to progress into the later stages. In Totti they have an early front-runner for 'Best name of the tournament'.
It seems that Germany have recovered well after their merciless 5-1 drubbing at the hands of England, and a couple of new players impressed in their playoff victory against Ukraine. Thankfully Jens Jeremies' haircut has made him look slightly less like Vlad the Impaler's more evil brother, but the Krauts are still unlikely to feature heavily in any Pacific Ring beauty contests. Good tournament team though, well organised, physical, competitive. Really I'm glad they scraped in. A World Cup without Germany is only slightly less unthinkable than a world cup without Brazil.
A World Cup without Brazil? The possibility was there for a while but surprise package Venezuela dutifully rolled over to allow the famous ever-present yellow shirts to grace our screens once again. The audacious skills, the fluid geometry of perfect passing, the voluptuous curves of the dancing girls, and a rumour that the chipmunk-faced striker may be fit again.