KAREL'S CHEESE HOUSE

While the bar patron savored a double martini, an attractive women sat down next to him. The bartender served her a glass of orange juice, and the man turned to her and said, "This is a special day. I'm celebrating."
"I'm celebrating, too," she replied, clinking glasses with him.
"What are you celebrating?" he asked.
"For years I've been trying to have a child," she answered, "Today my gynecologist told me I'm pregnant!"
"Congratulations," the man said, lifting his glass. "As it happens, I'm a chicken farmer, and for years all my hens were infertile. But today they're finally fertile."
"How did it happen?"
"I switched cocks."
"What a coincidence," she said, smiling.

The middle aged gentleman stopped in at a neighborhood tavern and was enjoying a drink at the bar when a young man with a huge multicolored mohawk took a seat next to him. He couldn't help but stare at the young man.

"Hey dude, what's your problem?" the mohawked man barked, clearly annoyed. "Didn't you ever do anything crazy when you were young?"

Of course. That's the reason I was staring," the older man replied.
"Once when I was young, I got really drunk and had sex with a peacock on dare; I couldn't help wondering if you were my son."

A guy wandered into a bar and ordered a martini. The bartender provided it, and he drank it down. When he finished it, he started nibbling on the rim of the glass. He kept nibbling and nibbling until there was nothing left but the stem of the glass. He then threw the stem over his shoulder where it broke into pieces on the floor. By now, quite a few of the patrons are watching this go on.

He ordered another martini, and repeated the performance; nibbling the rim of the glass around and around until there's nothing left but the stem, which he threw away over his shoulder. Several patrons are staring at him with their mouths open.

He ordered a third martini and did it all over again; nibbling down to the stem and throwing the stem over his shoulder.

After the fourth time, he paid his bill and left. All of the other barflies are staring at him in amazement.

The bartender said, "That's the weirdest thing I ever saw!"
"Yeah," said a customer, "He's throwing away the best part!"

After spending a happy evening drinking together, two acquaintances promise to meet again in ten years at the same bar, same time.

Ten years later, the first guy walks in, looks arouind, and sure enough, there is his friend on a bar stool. He clasps the old friend's hand and cries, "The day we left, I didn't think I'd really see you here!"

The friend looks up, stares, sways slightly and asks, "Who left?"

A man walks into a bar one night and asks for 3 drinks. The bartender asks the man what is wrong, to which the man replied, "My oldest son is a homosexual." So the bartender gives him 3 drinks. A few months later the man walks in and asks the bartender for five drinks. Again the bartender asked the man what was wrong. "My second son is a homosexual." The bartender gives him five drinks, and the man goes on his way. Several months later, he walks in again and asks for ten drinks. The bartender again asks what's wrong. "My youngest son just admitted he's homosexual." To which the bartender replied, "My goodness, isn't there anybody in your family that like women?" "Yeah, my wife does."

A man enters a bar and asks the barkeep for a shell, as the barkeep serves him the man reaches into his coat pocket and places a small piano upon the bar then out of the other pocket he produces a 12 in high man who begins to play the piano. The barkeep is amazed and ask where did he get them. The man answers with the typical gene reply there by the barkeep ask if he still had the bottle and if so would he sell it? The man answered that he might still have the bottle and if so the barkeep could have it at no cost, he left and returned shortly with a old bottle giveing it to the barkeep. The barkeep ran to the other end of the bar and soon the bar was filled with thousands of ducks. The barkeep returned to the man complaining that that he wished for 10,000 fucks not ducks. The man replied

" due you think I wished for a 12 pianist"?

A man goes into a bar and sits down to have a drink. He notices that at the other end of the bar is the most attractive woman he has ever seen. He is immediately lust-struck and decides that he must have her. He leans over to the bartender and asks if the bartender has any Spanish Fly in the back.

The bartender says he will check and comes back a couple of minutes later with a small packet of white powder. He says to the man, "We are all out of Spanish Fly, but this is Jewish Fly, and it is guaranteed to get her over here within twenty minutes after she takes it!" The man forks over $10 and asks the bartender to mix the Jewish Fly into a champagne cocktail and deliver it to the gorgeous creature with his compliments.

The woman drinks the champagne cocktail and looks at our hero rather disinterestedly, but about 20 minutes later she slinks off her barstool. She saunters across the room in a most seductive manner, oozing sensuality. She reaches him and puts one lithe arm around his shoulders and leans in close to his ear. He can feel her breath on his neck as she whispers, "Hey big boy ... want to go shopping?"

Man walks into a bar, sez to the bartender, I'll bet you a hunnert bucks I can bite my right eye. The BT sez sure, go ahead. So the man pulls out his glass right eye & bites it. The BT pays, pissed off, but pays

The man sez double or nuthin I can bite my left eye. The BT once again agrees, and the man pulls out his false teeth and gives a gentle nip to his left eye. The BT is realy pissed off, but being an honorable BT, pays.

The man sez, double or nuthin I can stand on the bar at one end and piss into a glass on the other, and get every drop of piss in the glass. The BT, down to his last sheckles, agrees, and the man gets up on the bar and pisses all over the bartender, who is so relieved he is laughing. The man gives back the money & leaves.

A few minutes later another guy walks into the bar, looks at the bartender and sez, You know, I just lost a thousand bucks to a guy that bet me he could piss on your shirt, and you'd smile about it.

A man in a bar put a $10 bill on the bar and said to the bartender, "I'll bet you this $10 I can make you cry." The bartender looked at him, at the $10, and said, "How are you going to do that?" The man said, I'll just talk to you and make you cry." The bartender said, "I'll take that bet," and put $10 beside the other man's money. The man then said, "This might take a few minutes. I have to wait for Boo." The bartender said, "Boo who?" He realized immediately that he had been taken and watched as the man picked up the $20 and left.

The bartender thought a minute and decided to get his $10 back the same way he lost it. So, when a black man walked up to the bar, the bartender put $10 on the bar and challenged the black man just as he had been challenged. The black man accepted the bet and put his $10 on the bar. The bartender then said, "This will take a few minutes. I have to wait for Boo." The black man said, "Who be Boo?"

Man's wife asks him to go to the store to buy some cigarettes. So he walks down to the store only to find it closed. So he goes into a nearby bar to use the vending machine.

At the bar he sees a beautiful woman and starts talking to her. They have a couple of beers and one thing leads to another and they end up in her apartment. After they've had their fun, he realizes its 3AM and says, "Oh no, its so late, my wife's going to kill me. Have you got any talcum powder?" She gives him some talcum powder, which he proceeds to rub on his hands and then he goes home.

His wife is waiting for him in the doorway and she is pretty pissed. "Where the hell have you been?!?!" "Well, honey, its like this. I went to the store like you asked, but they were closed. So I went to the bar to use the vending machine. I saw this great looking chick there and we had a few drinks and one thing led to another and I ended up in bed with her." "Oh yeah? Let me see your hands!" She sees his hands are covered with powder and...
"You God damn liar!!! You went bowling again!!!"