KAREL'S CHEESE HOUSE

This Yuppie, being in a charitable mood, picked up a hitchhiker on I-95. The young man was properly in awe of the big expensive BMW. As they traveled along however, he noticed a thick pair of glasses on the console between them.

"Are those glasses yours?" the hitchhiker asked nervously, since they were roaring along at about 80 mph.

"Yes, they indeed are." responded the Yuppie, "Wouldn't go anywhere without them. But don't worry," he said, noticing the young man's nervous reaction to the glasses, "my side of the windshield is ground to my prescription."

A man had been driving all night and by morning was still far from his destination. He decided to stop at the next city he came to, and park somewhere quiet so he could get an hour or two of sleep. As luck would have it, the quiet place he chose happened to be on one of the city's major jogging routes. No sooner had he settled back to snooze when there came a knocking on his window. He looked out and saw a jogger running in place.

"Yes?"

"Excuse me, sir," the jogger said, "do you have the time?"

The man looked at the car clock and answered, "8:15."

The jogger said thanks and left. The man settled back again, and was just dozing off when there was another knock on the window and another jogger.

"Excuse me, sir, do you have the time?"

"8:25!"

The jogger said thanks and left. Now the man could see other joggers passing by and he knew it was only a matter of time before another one disturbed him. To avoid the problem, he got out a pen and paper and put a sign in his window saying, "I do not know the time!"

Once again he settled back to sleep. He was just dozing off when there was another knock on the window.

"Sir, sir? It's 8:45."

This traveling salesman was driving home late one night when his car broke down in the middle of farm country and was forced to hike a very long distance to the nearest gas station.

About 1/2 way to the service station the seven layer burrito, pinto beans with cheese and nachos grande he had for lunch reached critical mass and he had to relieve himself in the worst way. He looked around and noticed this particular farmer was growing pumpkins.

So he jumped the fence, carved out a good sized pumpkin with his trusty pocket knife, relieved himself, popped the top back on the pumpkin and was on his merry way with a new steam and conviction in his stride.

Well, a couple weeks later he happened to be passing the same way and started to feel guilty about defiling the farmer's crop, so he decided to swing by the house and pay for his damage. As he pulled up to the house, he saw the old farmer on the front porch sitting in his rocking chair, puffing on his corn-cob pipe. He got out of the car and explained to the farmer what had happened and offered to pay for the pumpkin.

The farmer didn't say anything for a long time and then turned his head slightly and yelled into the house... "Hey Maaaw"

"Yeah Paaaw"

"Member that punkin' pie we et last night that I sed taste like SHIT?...Twas!"

A cannibal was showing the whereabouts of the jungle to his young son. He showed him how to prepare deadly poisonus darts, to ignite dry leaves with two stones, etc. You know, practical things a young cannibal may need to survive in the jungle. As they approached to the shore, they found a blonde, hot, chick wondering around, apparently a survivor of a ship wreckage.

Young cannibal: "Dad, I think we're gonna have a blonde for dinner to night!"

Dad: "No, I think we're gonna have you Mom for dinner to night!"

A woman got on a bus holding a baby. The bus driver said, "That's the ugliest baby I've ever seen."

In a huff, the woman slammed her fare into the fare box and took an aisle seat near the rear of the bus. She fumed for a few stops & started getting really worked up. The man seated next to her sensed that she was agitated and asked her what was wrong.

"The bus driver insulted me," she fumed. The man sympathized and said, "Why, he's a public servant and shouldn't say things to insult passengers."

"You're right," she said. "I think I'll go back up there and give him a piece of my mind."

"That's a good idea," the man said. "Here, let me hold your monkey!

A teacher was telling a friend about one of her students. "He cheats, he lies, he steals, he hits, and to make it even worse, he's the only kid in the class with a perfect attendance record!"

A girl in the booth at a big movie theater hesitated when a youngster sought to buy a ticket for the early afternoon show.

"Why aren't you in school?" she asked sharply.

"It's okay, lady," he assured her. "I've got the measles."

Teacher: Why are you late to class?

Student: Because of a road sign I have to pass on the way!

Teacher: And what has the sign got to do with it?

Student: It says, "School ahead, go slow."

"The worst thing my mom ever did," reported one first-grade girl, "was grounding me for biting my friend's rear end."

"Why did you bite your friend's rear end?" I asked.

"It was an accident! I was hungry, and I didn't notice it was her rear end. And my mom wouldn't believe me."

One day this man was jumping up and down on a manhole cover screaming at the top of his lungs, "Seventeen!! Seventeen!!"

Intrigued by the man's insane behavior, another man walks over to him and asks why he is doing that. The first man responded, "It's a blast. You have to try it. Jump as high as you can and scream 'Seventeen!!' as loud as humanly possible. You get such a rush. Try it."

Reluctantly, the second man gets on the manhole cover and barely hops and says, "Seventeen?" very timidly.

The first one says, "No, no, no. You're doing it wrong. Jump higher. Yell louder."

So, the second man begins jumping a little higher and speaking louder than normal. Finally he says, "Hey, you know, I am getting a little bit of a rush. Seventeen!! Seventeen!!"

The man jumps higher and higher, screaming louder and louder. The first man, once the second had jumped high enough, yanked the manhole cover out from under the second, causing him to fall down the manhole.

The first one man replaced the cover and, once again, began jumping and screaming, "Eighteen!! Eighteen!!"