KAREL'S CHEESE HOUSE

In the old days in Finland, all young men had to go through some rites of passage to show that they were REAL FINNISH MEN. The usual set consisted of three tests: 1) Empty a full bottle of vodka without pause, 2) Go out in the forest to kill a bear with bare hands, and 3) rape a woman.
When Pekka had reached the age of the rites of passage, he had no trouble at all with the vodka. He disappeared into the forest, and came back three days later, with clothes torn and blood dripping from several wounds. Then he said: "Now where's the woman I have to kill?"

The pope died. Like all good christians he went to heaven and knocked on the door. Peter opened. The pope said: "I'm the pope."
Peter picked up the phone and rang Jesus.
"I have someone here who says he's the pope, do you know him?"
Jesus answered: "No, never heared of him, send him to hell."
Peter told the pope. "That can't be true, ring God himself," the pope said.
So Peter rang God and said: "Here's someone who says he's the pope, do you know him?" God answered: "No, never heard of him, send him to hell."
And again Peter told the pope. "The last chance I have is the Holy Spirit,"
the pope said. Peter rang him and said: "I have someone here who says he's the pope, you know him?"
"Yes," he said, "I know him. He's the one who told everyone I got Maria pregnant. Send him to hell".

A man in a Porsche 911 stops at a stoplight and a guy on a scooter pulls up next to him. The guy on the scooter leans over and takes an admiring look at the inside of the Porsche and tells the driver that he has a really hot car. Well, the light turned green so the driver of the Porsche decides to show off and peels out and leaves the guy on the scooter in the dust. Then, all of a sudden, he sees the scooter zip on past him. So, being a little cocky, the Porsche driver floors it again and blows past the guy on the scooter. A few seconds later, he again sees the scooter zip on past him. So now he's a little irate as well as a little mifted that that scooter keeps passing him so he floors it until he is going over 100 mph. He thinks to himself that there would be no way that scooter could catch him now, but then looks in the rearview mirror and sees that scooter starting to catch up. He then decides to find out what that scooter really is and slams on his breaks. Then the scooter crashes into the Porsche. After the dust settled, the Porsche driver sees the scooter driver lying in the road and goes over to him and askes how he could go as fast as the Porsche on a little wimpy scooter... The dying man replied, "I can't really, but my suspenders were caught on your side mirror...."

Many an American tourist around Windsor Castle have been heard asking:
"Why did they build it so close to the airport?"

Q: How many ears does Mr. Spock have?
A: 3. A Left Ear, a Right Ear, and a Final Front Ear!

Q: What do you get when you cross a pit bull with a collie?
A: A dog that rips your leg off then runs for help.

Q: What are the four words you don't want to hear while making love?
A: "Honey, I'm home!"

Q: Why did the chicken cross the road?
A: To prove to the armadillo that it could be done.

Q: Where did Prince Charles spend his honeymoon?
A: Indiana.

Seen on a T-shirt on a recent trip to Cancun, Mexico:
HE'S DEAD JIM
QUICK! YOU GRAB HIS TRICORDER!
I'LL GRAB HIS WALLET!

Actress 1: "At one time my breasts were insured for $2 million".

Actress 2: "Did you get the money?".

Little old lady at US immigration.

OFFICIAL: Do you advocate the overthrow of the government by violence or subversion?

(Pause for thought)

LITTLE OLD LADY: Violence, I think.

"My wife just got pregnant... She took seriously what was poked at her in fun!"