KAREL'S CHEESE HOUSE

1. DO NOT EXPECT YOUR DOCTOR TO SHARE YOUR DISCOMFORT.
Involvement with the patient's suffering might cause him to lose valuable scientific objectivity.

2. BE CHEERFUL AT ALL TIMES.
Your doctor leads a busy and trying life and requires all the gentleness and reassurance he can get.

3. TRY TO SUFFER FROM THE DISEASE FOR WHICH YOU ARE BEING TREATED.
Remember that your doctor has a professional reputation to uphold.

4. DO NOT COMPLAIN IF THE TREATMENT FAILS TO BRING RELIEF.
You must believe that your doctor has achieved a deep insight into the true nature of your illness, which transcends any mere permanent disability you may have experienced.

5. NEVER ASK YOUR DOCTOR TO EXPLAIN WHAT HE IS DOING OR WHY HE IS DOING IT.
It is presumptuous to assume that such profound matters could be explained in terms that you would understand.

6. SUBMIT TO NOVEL EXPERIMENTAL TREATMENT READILY.
Though the surgery may not benefit you directly, the resulting research paper will surely be of widespread interest.

7. PAY YOUR MEDICAL BILLS PROMPTLY AND WILLINGLY.
You should consider it a privilege to contribute, however modestly, to the well-being of physicians and other humanitarians.

8. DO NOT SUFFER FROM AILMENTS THAT YOU CANNOT AFFORD.
It is sheer arrogance to contract illnesses that are beyond your means.

9. NEVER REVEAL ANY OF THE SHORTCOMINGS THAT HAVE COME TO LIGHT IN THE COURSE OF TREATMENT BY YOUR DOCTOR.
The patient-doctor relationship is a privileged one, and you have a sacred duty to protect him from exposure.

10. NEVER DIE WHILE IN YOUR DOCTOR'S PRESENCE OR UNDER HIS DIRECT CARE.
This will only cause him needless inconvenience and embarrassment.

A piece of bacon and a sausage are in a frying pan being cooked. The sausage says ``It's hot in here, isn't it!'', and the bacon replies ``Wow! A talking sausage!''.

Q: Why is it good to have Alzheimer's Disease?
A: You can hide your own Easter Eggs!

Q: What's black, has two legs, and flies?
A: A bird.

Q: What's black, has four legs and flies?
A: Two pairs of trousers.

Q: What's black, has four wheels and flies?
A: A dustcart.

Q: Why did the couple stop after three children?
A: Because they read that every fourth child born is Chinese.

Q: What's a definition of an orgy?
A: A party where everyone comes.

A guy walks into a bar and sits down on the barstool.
"Hey, barthendther, gifth me a beeer."
The bartender walks over with a tall cool one, "Here'sth your beeer."
The other guy sits up straight, "Heey, you're imithating mee."
"No, I talk thith way too."
"Okay, I guesth itth okay."
Later a big burly guy walks in and sits down at the other end of the bar. "Yo, ba-tender. Gimme a beer."
The bartender responds, "One beer comin' up, man."
The little guy gets ticked off and yells, "Heey, you were imithathing mee!!"
The bartender comes over close and replies, "No, I wasth imithathing the other guy."

A cucumber and a tomato meet in a saladbar.
Cucumber: Gee, how come you look so red?
Tomato: I saw the salad dressing.

It seems that a devout, good couple was about to get married, but a tragic car accident ended their lives.

When they got to heaven, they asked St. Peter if he could arrange for them to be married, saying that it was what they had hoped for in life, and they still desired wedded union. He thought about it and agreed, but said they would have to wait.

It was almost one hundred years later when St. Peter sent for them.
They were married in a simple ceremony.

So things went on, for thirty years or so, but they determined, in this time, that eternity was best not spent together.

They went back to St. Peter, and said, "We thought we would be happy forever, but now we believe that we have irreconcilable differences. Is there any way we can get divorced?"

"Are you kidding?" said St. Peter. "It took me a hundred years to get a priest up here to marry you. I'll never get a lawyer!"

Eating a steak dinner in a nice restaurant near Sydney.
The waiter approaches.

Waitor: "How's your meat?"
Me: : "Just fine."
Waitor: "And how about the steak?"

And then came the Assumptions.

And the Assumptions were without form.

And the Plan was without substance.

And darkness was upon the face of the Workers.

And they spoke amongst themselves, saying: "It is a crock of shit, and it stinketh."

And the workers went unto their Supervisors and said: "It is a pail of dung, and none may abide the odor thereof."

And the Supervisors went unto their Managers, saying: "It is a container of excrement, and it is very strong, such that none may abide by it."

And the Managers went unto their Directors, saying: "It is a vessel of fertilizer, and none may abide its strength."

And the Directors spoke amongst themselves, saying to one another: "It contains that which aids plant growth, and it is very powerful."

And the Vice Presidents went unto the President, saying unto him: "This new plan will actively promote the growth and vigor of the company, with powerful effects."

And the President looked upon the Plan, and saw that it was good.

And the Plan became Policy.

This is how Shit happens.

"I saw a horrible accident on the way to the club tonight...Two taxicabs collided and 30 scotsmen were killed..."

Man A: So how was your honeymoon?

Man B: Very good until the morning after waking up, I forgot and said to my wife "You are wonderful, here is $100".

Man A: It is not that bad, she might not know that you thought her as a hooker.

Man B: I know, but my wife then gave me back $50 and said "Here is your change".