Assorted Quotes | Bush Quotes | David Brent Quotes | Beer Quotes
| Albert Einstein (1879-1955) Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity; and I'm not sure about the the universe. In order to form an immaculate member of a flock of sheep one must, above all, be a sheep. The hardest thing in the world to understand is the income tax. Common sense is the collection of prejudices acquired by age eighteen. Do not worry about your difficulties in Mathematics. I can assure you mine are still greater. Technological progress is like an axe in the hands of a pathological criminal. Gravitation is not responsible for people falling in love. Not everything that can be counted counts, and not everything that counts can be counted. |
| Yoda (A long time ago...) Do, or do not. There is no 'try'. To the Dark Side, fear leads. Fear leads to anger, anger leads to hate, hate leads to suffering. Hmm. |
| Mel Brooks (1926 -) Tragedy is when I cut my finger. Comedy is when you walk into an open sewer and die. |
| Jimi Hendrix (1942 - 1970) Knowledge speaks, but wisdom listens. |
| General Douglas MacArthur (1880 - 1964) We are not retreating - we are advancing in another Direction. |
| Billy Connolly (1942 -) Oh aye...my Father would thrash me every now and then. He'd talk while he did it too! He'd hit me and shout, 'Have ye had enough?' Had enough? Whit kind of question is that? 'Why, Father, would another kick in the balls be out of the question???' I've always wanted to go to Switzerland to see what the army does with those wee red knives. Who discovered we could get milk from cows, and what did he THINK he was doing at the time? The great thing about Glasgow is that if there's a nuclear attack it'll look exactly the same afterwards. |
| Mark Twain (1835 - 1910) I have never let my schooling interfere with my education. Wagner's music is better than it sounds. I must have a prodigious quantity of mind; it takes me as much as a week sometimes to make it up. |
| Elayne Boosler (1952 -) I have six locks on my door all in a row. When I go out, I only lock every other one. I figure no matter how long somebody stands there picking the locks, they are always locking three. |
| Plato (427-347 B.C.) Good people do not need laws to tell them to act responsibly, while bad people will find a way around the laws. |
| Friedrich Nietzsche (1844 - 1900) Plato was a bore. |
| Leo Tolstoy (1828 - 1910) Nietzsche was stupid and abnormal. |
| David Letterman (1947 -) USA Today has come out with a new survey: Apparently three out of four people make up 75 percent of the population. |
| Sherlock Holmes (by Sir Arthur Conan Doyle, 1859 - 1930) Once you eliminate the impossible, whatever remains, no matter how improbable, must be the truth. |
| Woody Allen (1935 -) I don't want to achieve immortality through my work; I want to achieve immortality through not dying. Not only is there no God, but try finding a plumber on Sunday. A fast word about oral contraception. I asked a girl to go to bed with me and she said 'no'. |
| Roger Jones I think of lotteries as a tax on the mathematically challenged. |
| Homer Simpson (Age: 39) Trying is the first step towards failure. If I could just say a few words... I'd be a better public speaker! Alcohol: The cause of, and solution to, all of life's problems. |
| Eddie Vedder (1964 -) Hard and twisted thoughts are spinning, round my head...I'm spinning... How quick the sun can drop away... And now my bitter hands cradle broken glass Of what was everything? The pictures have all been washed in black Tattooed everything. All the love gone bad turned my world to black Tattooed all I see, all that I am, all I'll be... I know some day you'll have a beautiful life I know you'll be a star In somebody else's sky Why, why, WHY, can't it be, can't it be mine...? Do do do-do do do do... I wonder 'bout his insides It's like his thoughts are too big for his size If little George Dubya Bush wins [the 2000 election] the band is applying for Canadian Citizenship. It's the end of the world. It's happening right now......and I think we're OK with that. I am a donut. Behave like rock stars, not the President. |
| Zack de la Rocha (1970 -) Know Your Enemy. Fuck you, I won't do what you tell me, motherfucker. |
| Jean-Paul Sartre (1905 - 1980) Three o'clock is always too late or too early for anything you want to do. |
| Hendo (1984 -) I don't believe in superstition, I think it's bad luck. I think I speak for us all when I say nothing. Hendo: "I had an argument with Mhairi" Stuart: "Is that an ex girlfriend? Hendo: "Yes, but not of mine." Good enough is never good enough. Stop living the lie. |
| Anonymous Alcohol doesn't enhance your confidence, it just makes you not realise when you're being a twat. |
| Neil Young (1947 -) It's better to burn out than to fade away. When you're out of the blue and into the black. |
| Random Ned Git tee fuck, ya bastard. |
| Benjamin Franklin (1706 - 1790) There was never a good war or a bad peace. She laughs at everything you say. Why? Because she has fine teeth. He's the best physician that knows the worthlessness of the most medicines. Clean your finger before you point at my spots. Certainty? In this world nothing is certain but death and taxes. Beer is living proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy. Be civil to all; sociable to many; familiar with few; friend to one; enemy to none. An investment in knowledge pays the best interest. A life of leisure and a life of laziness are two things. There will be sleeping enough in the grave. Absence sharpens love, presence strengthens it. |
| George Carlin (1937 -) Weather forecast for tonight: dark. I would never want to be a member of a group whose symbol was a guy nailed to two pieces of wood. |
| William Shatner (1931 - soon) Remember - you can't beam through a force field. So, don't try it. |
| Bono (1960 -) Books! I dunno if I ever told you this, but books are the greatest gift one person can give another. We thought that we had the answers, it was the questions we had wrong. |