Things To Do When You're Bored

Holidays. Functions. Study times for uni exams. School itself. All machinations of the boredom demon. What can you possibly do if there is nothing else constructive? This document hopes to give you a few ideas of beating the boredom Beelzebub.
  1. Break or create new records for the Guiness Book of Records. For example, how fast you can say the alphabet or how many beers you can drink in a day.
  2. Stand on your head long enough so that you can see funny colours in front of your eyes.
  3. Try to even up your non-dominant hand. Abuse it if it's not building up fast enough.
  4. Pretend that everyone but you smells.
  5. See how many individual pieces you can rip up from the closest piece of paper.
  6. Repeat the previous activity until you have enough paper to make a small hill of paper to hide in. Hide until someone comes along, jump out and scare them enough to give them proper bowel exercise.
  7. Try to sing songs backwards, while they are playing front wards.
  8. Get all your CDs and play them backwards to find hidden evil messages.
  9. Find as many words as you can in the word ASPHYXIATED. (I found about 40)
  10. Learn a new, obscure language.
  11. Write all your Christmas cards, even if it's April.
  12. Find a few million digits of Pi.
  13. Start counting and see what number you get up to.
  14. Make up dirty limericks and sing them ad nauseum. Try to make them a techno-mix and then sell it to the music companies.
  15. Turn the sound off on your TV and make up your own words to shows. Make every character a deviant of some sort.
  16. Play Chess or Poker. Against yourself.
  17. Crack every joint you possibly can in your body.
  18. Apply for every job in the newspaper, even if you're not qualified or want it. If you get an interview or ten, ignore them.
  19. As with the previous example, make up a brilliant resumé. ("Of course I got the Nobel Physics prize twice, what do you think I am, stupid?")
  20. Get every possible place on your body pierced. Show your granny every one of them.
  21. Using your hands, try to massage and mould your body into a supermodel/hunk.
  22. Join a boy/girl band. Lace as many sexually connotative, but innocuous-sounding lyrics in as you can.
  23. Write pop band hate mail. Be creative.
  24. Create new words. Submit them to the Oxford Dictionary.
  25. Find how many words you can make on an upside-down calculator.
  26. Make a movie.
  27. Get ten million points on Tetris.
  28. See how far you can do the splits. Call the ambulance.
  29. Ring random phone numbers. Make up funny stories. Ask for Bill Jazkowich. If they say you've got the wrong number, hang up and ring the same number again. Repeat about 20 times.
  30. Find celebrity phone numbers. Even if you know B. Gates doesn't live down your street, just ring and make sure.
  31. Watch the TV upside-down.
  32. Make radically new and weird recipes. (1 cup of M&Ms, ¼ cup of milk, 3 strawberries and 1 blob of icecream. Mix at highspeed. Drink.) My weird recipe
  33. Go to random links on the Net and then give page-long (constructive, thoughtful) comments to each. If you think the irony of doing it to me is funny, remember the constructive, thoughtful thing. Idjits.
  34. Compose a symphony.
  35. Write your life story and sell it to the general public. Include your involvement with: The JFK Assassination, The Roswell Incident, your friendship with Saddam Hussein and your leading of the Heaven's Gate cult.
  36. Write a Brady Bunch Episode. Call it the Brady Bang Episode where a truck full of pheromones tips over the house and the family get up to lots of "fun-filled hi-jinks".
  37. Start your stand-up comedy career, successful or not.
  38. Plan an Elvis Come Back special, even if he is dead.
  39. Paint your room entirely black so as to freak you out at night and make it basically impossible to get out of your room.
  40. Try every phone number in the country sequentially and see how many interesting numbers you can find. Have competitions with your friends to see how many celebrities they can get.
  41. Ring up the emergency services and ask for a pizza with the lot, minus the anchovies. Repeat 400 times.
  42. Order some guy in Iran a pizza.
  43. Read the dictionary. Then use long words to impress your friends.
  44. Measure your room/house in volume to the closest cubed millimeter. If you have good enough tools, try to go even more precise.
  45. Measure the speed of light. Try to beat the local physicists in accuracy.
  46. Have imaginary fights with yourself. This can be a loud argument (put on two different voices) or a fist-fight. You have to do the first few moves for one guy and then jump over and get hit. Make it acrobatic.
  47. Buy a copy of every magazine in the newsagency and read them. Enter every competition. Cut the good bits out and donate the rest to doctor's surgeries.
  48. Build your own wide-area laser.
  49. Build your own nuclear device.
  50. Detonate your nuclear device at a football game.
  51. Walk about your house naked. Don't worry when someone knocks on the door. Act as though nothing is amiss. Mow the lawn. Hold a rave party. (That's an idea - nude rave party)
  52. Construct lists of things to do when you're bored.
  53. Crack PGP by pen and paper.
  54. Without mirrors, try to see the back of your head.
  55. Do pushups until your arms break. Then once they do, do sit ups until you vomit. Then do star-jumps until you are admitted to hospital. Enjoy the rest.
  56. Write a Police Academy 11 script.
  57. Invite everyone you know to your house for a party, but don't have one. Make sure it's a black tie affair.
  58. Buy a monkey. Teach it to type out Hamlet or Romeo & Juliet. Get it to do a bit out of the movie, Gorillas in the Mist.
  59. Read the Bible. That will cure you from being bored ever again.
  60. As with the previous exercise, become a TV evangelist.
  61. Start a cult.
  62. Start a crime-spree.
  63. Make up a plausible story so that you can blame Bill Gates for abandoning you, his long-lost illegitimate kid.
  64. Form a band. ("The Potato Skins" or "The Skid Marks")
  65. Tattoo yourself. Be creative.
  66. Sleep for about a week. See how much energy you can pool doing this.
  67. Catch a bus. Literally.
  68. Create approximately 20 realistic aliases. Use them for evil purposes.
  69. Write light bulb or Knock-Knock jokes.
  70. Write a kid's joke book. Read other examples of it and you'll see you don't have to be funny.
  71. Make your own sitcom. Again, it doesn't have to be all that funny. Make all the characters quirky beyond reality (Sue-Ellen, the psychopathic grave-digger/prostitute/programmer from hell who also happens to teach cooking).
  72. Make up a card game.
  73. If you're out of school, contact all of your previous teachers and tell them how beneficial/detrimental their influence was. Alternate between beneficial and detrimental.
  74. Walk along any street and get every fourteenth person and hug them like they were your bestest friend. Continue along the street and keep doing this until you are finally arrested.
  75. Find a shop and try your damnedest to get physically thrown out. If they just guide you out, go outside and wait five seconds before re-entering.
  76. Sit outside a Quit Smoking clinic with a huge cigar in your mouth. Blow smoke rings at people who enter the building.
  77. Set up a hotdog stand outside of the Weight Loss clinic.
  78. If you're male, go into a female lingerie store and try on everything there. Then buy some and leave. Come back and say you need something for your girlfriend.
    If you're a female, go to a newsagency and buy about 28 copies of Playboy-like magazines. Ask the checkout person what their problem is.
  79. Dress up like a flasher and walk about the streets. Then "flash" at people. Underneath the trenchcoat you should have a T-shirt with "Scared ya!" on it. Wear pants if you want to.
  80. Put a doctor's surgery sign in front of your house. Or your neighbours.
  81. Ring into the police about an anonymous tip of a convicted murderer/rapist/whatever-you-want. Say the person lives at your address (but don't tell them you live there). When the police come around, act normal but don't let them look in a certain cupboard or fridge. When they handcuff you and take you away, they'll realise that the only reason you wouldn't let them in is because it's messy.
  82. Have insect gladiator fights. Name them. Have an illegal betting ring for them. Set up drug tests for all participants. Do the Roman Emperor thumbs up/thumbs down approach.
  83. Put dry ice in the toilet when guests come around.
  84. Experiment with: pure sodium, liquid nitrogen, nitroglycerine, and as many acids as you can.
  85. Drink as much alcohol as you can until you pass out. Get a friend to record your blood-alcohol level. Try the next day to beat it. Have competitions amongst your friends.
  86. Get your pet drunk or stoned.
  87. For students, do the previous exercise to your teacher/s or fellow students.
  88. Do weird things to your body and then go around shops as if everything is normal. Such alterations are: painting half your face with gold paint, shaving off all bodily hair, get a bone put through your nose, get different coloured contacts, shave the front half of your head, tie your shoelaces together, put bunny ears on, hang your genitalia out of your clothes, paint your teeth different colours ("Smile!"), tie string all around your head really tight or put fish hooks in your nose, ears or lip.
  89. Fake your own attempted murder (i.e. someone tried to murder you). Go as gory as you can. Stagger about the house freaking all your friends/family/guests out. Especially good at other people's parties (because they have to clean up the mess).
  90. Hold a party, at your teacher's or neighbour's house. Everyone's invited.
  91. Create a new language and then speak it to friends. Pretend to be one of those "End of the World" people on street corners and speak loudly in your language. Corner people and ask them questions in your language and don't let them go until they answer them. If smart-arses decide to speak gibberish back, act as though they are mad or correct their grammar.
  92. Teach your dog to dance/kill/make dinner.
  93. Set up a Net Camera in your room and have fun. Or alternately, set one up in your friend's bathroom. Have even more fun.
  94. Pretend you're a reporter and roam the street. Or a cop. Or a terrorist ("GET DOWN!"). Or a drunkard. Watch the people's reactions when you play your part out to the full.
  95. Find a tall building and wait on a ledge. Threaten to jump. When they ask you to come down, make ridiculous requests. Make up a really odd story ("My pet goldfish doesn't love me anymore... I could handle my pet rock, but not Goldy..."). Drop eggs on the people down below. Drop watermelons to demonstrate how you'll land. Pretend to take a run-up. If no-one's nearby, dress up a clothes model and drop it off the edge and hear the panic down below.
  96. Find your nearest movie studio and pretend to work there. Even pretend you're a fill-in for an actor. Or a stuntsman. Or the director. See if you can get on screen and boast to your friends.
  97. Go to a golfing tournament and lie on the green. Wait until someone chases you out. Or if you get bored of lying there, chase people around, throwing golf balls and waving a golf club menacingly over your head.
  98. Visit the old people's home. Find someone and convince them that you are their grandchild. Try to get inheritance.
  99. Go to primary school again. Sit in a class like a normal student. Listen well and answer some questions. Get distraught when you realise that mum didn't pack any lunch for you. Bully kids or get bullied. Be the teacher's pet.
  100. Try to think of a number 100 for Things to Do When You're Bored

Written By: Brett "The Not-So-Bored" Witty
Researched By: Far too many people on the Internet.

Copyright © Brett Witty, 2002.