I wonder if I am manic?
I say that with honest curiosity. I have always been a depressive personality. And there are times when things go so right! For instance. Yesterday I was whining about not being able to work this site properly. Immediately after going through all that emotional venting, I figured out another way to save pages and upload them, updated two of the pages with more interesting (I think) web sites, applied for two more rings.... well, you get the idea.
Keith has always said that I "run hot or cold". I really wonder why. The scary thing about this is that it tends to get more pronounced the older I get.
On the other hand, maybe it is because I am becoming more, I don't know, mature? And the contrast of moods seems more extreme? I know that I am changing, becoming more contemplative. I like the change and amaze myself sometimes. I think a lot of it has to do with becoming more settled in my personal life. Finally, a good marraige (1989 marked the union of Keith and I!), my sons are grown and out of the house (but definately not out of the picture - Geez, I thought it would get easier when they got older!) We are finally getting established in new careers after having retired and left the "crazy" world of stress and politics behind and taken jobs that are, to say the least, not demanding (but fun).
I used to marvel at how some folks lived in the same house for years; had such a consistency to their lives. I have moved over 20 times in 15 years. 2 divorces, a late college education, the stress of raising 2 boys alone, the financial tribulations, the health problems, and the family problems. Pop's getting sick a year ago was almost the last straw. But now, for the last 5 months, it has been an almost "mellow" lifestyle. I like this. I hope it continues.
We have one more hurdle ahead of us. The purchase of our 'final' home. You will probably be hearing a lot about that as the time approaches for us to make the decision. I really want to get some land and a doublewide trailer. My husband is a bit of a snob and wants a house anchored to the ground with concrete. The only problem with his desire is the lots are all postage stamps. I would much rather invest the money into land and have some space to breath, room to plant a garden, be able to play the stereo as loud as I want. And then there is the problem of what to do about Pop. He has now decided he doesn't want to live with us. Now that causes stress. We live very close to him now so as to be able to get over there in a heartbeat, as well as the convenience of commuting back and forth to tend to him. If we go for the land purchase option, we will increase the stress of the responsibility of caring for him by moving farther away. I don't know. It will all have to work itself out. It will. I must trust synchronicity. I have to trust it!
Journi
