It's a darker side of me that sits before you tonight. It is the side of me that deals with chronic physical pain.
The house is quiet now, our guests sleep soundly in the nearby bedroom and I can hear my husband gently snoring from his position on the couch. The cat is stretched out on the back of the sofa. The dog is glued to my husband's side as usual. It is after 1:00 a.m. and I have been laying on the floor trying to relax for over 2 hours. I am tired. Very tired. But there is an ache in my legs that quiets only long enough for pain to shoot down them and into my feet. The muscles in my calves cramp and shake; I honestly feel like I am going insane.
The medical community does not know what is wrong with me. Oh, there are the "conditional" diagnoses: Fibromyagia and Chronic Fatigue Immune Difficiency Disease. But nothing really concrete. And nothing that they are willing or able to treat.
I have been to two different doctors in the last 4 months. I am desparate to get out of pain. I am given short prescriptions of mild analgesics and told that I must learn to "deal with it". What has become of the medical profession that they are so callous to the suffering that they took an oath to try and ease. There is this general "mood" or "attitude" circulating among the doctors and nurses today that to medicate pain is to invite disaster. Better to let the patient suffer needlessly than take the chance of getting them "hooked" on pain killers.
But my question is. What is "hooked"? Are people who have a thyroid condition "hooked" on the synthetic hormone they take to replace their own? Without this drug they would become as before. They are dependent upon the drug for a state of homeostasis. And what about the diabetic. Now there is an individual "hooked" on a substance like no other. Oh, yes, that killer, insulin. Take that drug away and the person will go into serious withdrawal, even coma, probable death.
But let the medical community avert their eyes and pretend the suffering they can't explain needs to be ignored. After all - the doctor can't even prove there is something wrong. Just this crazy lady who is costantly limping and who appears to be in so much pain most of the time. And after all, she asked for it didn't she? Why today she went window shopping with a beloved sister and was on her feet for more than an hour. The thought! As they say, "she does the dance, she must pay the piper!" No normal life for her. Not if she wants to stay well, that is.
If you would like to learn more about persons who live with chronic pain, please visit my page "Dealing with Chronic Pain".
Journi
