my mood as of last posting ...

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blog archive 8: 6/03 - 12/03

So I bet you're wondering how I am surviving?  I took tons of vitamin C and glutamines last night and today.  I also took some regular aspirin when I felt the fever taking hold.  Anyway, so far so good.  :) 

My action plan then:
1. dosed up on glutamine and more vitamin C
2. begged Galahad to shoot me if I got the flu and the obligatory migraine
3. gave the white blood cells and helper T cells in my arms a firm lecture that they were to take immediate action with extreme prejudice on any viral activity (heh don't ask me why just there...did I mention my sanity is being evasive?  I don't even remember if those are the correct fighter cells.)
4. went to bed early

This morning I am doing nominally better.  So far no Excedrin or Imitrex consumed.  Yay!!! =)  I feel odd but maybe that's cuz I am.  =p  Last time I thought I felt feverish, I took my temperature and it was 97°F.  Perhaps that's why I'm always cold?  Okay, curiosity got me.  I officially have a low-grade temp, 99.3°F.  Does that actually count?

Slingshot Santa

I'm even more bummed that I wasted 2 hours of pain-free time last night on a horribly vexatious movie.  Do NOT ever waste your time watching Adaptation!  It is a pointless and boring ego trip for the screenwriter.  Perhaps if you're one of those snooty movie aficionados you might like it... dunno.

I spent the day goofing off and the afternoon with my friend.  We spoke a lot about girly stuff --- relationships, etc...  Somehow lately, too many people I know and love are ending their marriages.  It's easy not to take sides when it's a mutual decision or if I'm closer to one partner than the other.  However, when it's not mutual, good god it's tough to not take sides.  When I see someone I love in the most pain I've ever seen them in, it takes a strong will not to dislike the person causing them that pain.  But, as my friend pointed out, you're fooling yourself if you think it will be better staying in a relationship with someone who doesn't wanna be with you.

So on to other plans...  I made a concession and read my book snuggled on the couch so our kitty emeritus could snuggle also.  I don't allow him in our bed, meanie that I am.  Meanwhile, Galahad tackled the project of removing the old pool pump and installing the new one.  Apparently, our disheveled closet will wait longer.  :)

I'm not buying most of the people in my family presents, yet the garbage men and mailman are getting something.  Doesn't that seem wrong?  I suppose I tell my siblings, "Sorry bro, I blew my budget on the garbage men....merry christmas though."  When did mandatory holiday tipping come into place?  I hear in NYC that it's not only mandatory, it's fairly militant.  Dire consequences could happen if you don't.

/sets the scene

I was recovering from Monday's night's migraine yesterday and accidentally on purpose took an Excedrin at 6 pm when my head started hurting again.  Of course that wired me up nicely so I couldn't fall asleep.  Galahad was suffering from stuffy-bubble-head-can't-sleep syndrome.  Another Benadryl for him and some late night reading for me (I highly recommend Bridget Jones Diary), and we both drift off to a well-earned sleep a little after midnight.

About 2 am, there arose such a clatter.  We arose from our bed to see what was the matter.   When, what to our wondering eyes should appear, but one entire side of our closet collapsed in ruins (sorry a rhyme escapes me :p).  The shelves had ripped right out of the wall.  I say Divine Intervention because perhaps it's time to part with some of my clothes. 

I have issues giving away old clothes because I hate shopping so much.  Therefore, to replace any is not just the monetary cost but the emotional cost.  Plus, since I'm on the slender side, it's hard to find small sizes.  Yeah I know, cry me a river.  That's not even factoring in my sentimentality. 

Anyway, I couldn't stop giggling after we cleared the rubble.  We rescued the better clothes so they wouldn't wrinkle too badly and left the rest in a nice heap in the middle of the floor.  Galahad was very cranky. Who wouldn't be when awoken like that (besides a crazy person like me)?  I reminded him that this was almost as funny as the time I flooded our entire first floor with a broken washing machine.  Hehe, that memory set the giggles off even worse. 

We cranked up the stereo then and danced our living room floor dry by putting down tons of towels and soaking the excess water after using the wet-dry vacuum (that we had begged Home Depot to hold for us on the phone as they were closing the store.  They did --- how lovely.)  Of course drying all those towels load after load broke the dryer, too.   ;)   That was another night we got less than my usual 8 hours of sleep.   

Wish me luck later dealing with Father Physics (or Mother Nature) telling me I have too many possessions.  I've already  started the sorting process and have gotten rid of 1 belt, 1 purse, and a pair of shorts.  There's still quite a large pile on the floor to sort, but alas, work beckoned me.

I think he heard me because his fever broke an hour later.  I stayed up the rest of the night reading and watching over him.  He's been a little better today, but the fever came back albeit not as severe.

I'm starting to get paranoid about catching this nasty affliction.  If I had masks and gloves, I think I'd be wearing them.  :p  I've been washing my hands every 15 minutes and washing our sheets every few days.

So wouldn't you know I ran into someone from my past in the check-out line.  Thankfully it wasn't anyone I dated, but it was still weird and awkward.  Let's catch up 10 years time in 2.5 minutes in full hearing of those around us.  It felt as if we were tallying up our scores in life since the moment we last saw each other.  She admitted to having a hard time with addiction.  What does one say to that?  "Oh sorry to hear that.  I have a fabulous life with the man I love, and I mostly enjoy my job."   That seems wrong.  So I downplayed....  "I'm okay." 

Gone was the vivacious giggling girl I had known and in her place was a serious woman with pain in her eyes.  She gave me her card and asked me to call her for coffee since she doesn't drink.  Is it wrong to point out that caffeine is an addictive substance?  :p   I'm still debating on calling her or not.  How come she doesn't have email like a normal person?  ;)  I'm not ready to be her crutch.  Yeah I know she hasn't asked, but I see the potential and it frightens me.  And what kind of callous person does that make me that I don't want to help someone in need? 

We drove around to a few different tree places and of course, I freaked out after about 30 minutes and needed to eat.  Double cheeseburger for teh win!!!

So back to Home Depot to get our tree.  We start looking through the selection.  Mmmmm, smells so good.  Some rich folk pick out a 14 foot tree for $159.  Okay, I'm a little envious.... :p

I got 2 more spots cut off me this morning and sent away for biopsy.  One is really worrying me.  Yet I know stress is bad for my immune system, so I'm trying to pretend it's nothing.  It looks very similar to the time I had melanoma.  Maybe it's nothing though.  I've been taking glutamine very regularly.  Gah, something has to help.  I'm too immature for serious cancer again.  See?  Who else would joke about it?  =(

New words I learned:

probity

atavistic

/rejoice

My dentist is absolutely wonderful and was so nice and patient with my sensitive sissy-ass self.  He had to give me extra shots cuz I'm so sensitive.  (rolls eyes)  He used bubblegum flavored topical numbing agent on my gum before he injected the long-pointy-needle-of-burning-acid. 

I didn't get the More-Flossing-Less-Sweets-Lecture either.  In fact, he started trading ice cream tips with me.  =p

Sony Pictures - Another Meltdown

SINBAD - Legend Of The Seven Seas

Then, I drove to Blockbuster to return Lara Croft.  Galahad informed me that Hollywood Video (which is across the street) has better prices and longer rentals.  So I borrowed his card and tried it out.  Wtf???  Blockbuster's new releases are 2 days while HV is 5 days.  AND.... All movies for BB are $3.79 while HV is $0.99.  How is that possible?  Why do people still rent from BB?  Am I an idiot for not knowing this?  I did have 6 months worth of free rental coupons to BB, which is why I went there.  So I guess free is still better than $0.99.  I have 1 month left and it's the end of my fun with BB.

As I was pulling up in my driveway, who should appear next to me but my scary neighbor.  I bit the bullet and gave him a friendly hello.  Haha, it fucked him all up.  He literally did a double take.  Then he smiled and said, "I bet you've been happy we've been away so long."  Hehe, what could I do but agree.  =p

Somewhere toward the end of the movie, I realized my head was hurting badly enough that I was wearing a hole in my right eyebrow futilely rubbing the pain away.  I took an Imitrex pill (dumbass that I am I should have gone for the shot).  By the time I realized this was one bad mutha', it was too late to do the shot.  The pill takes 2 hours to give some relief.  At about the 70 minute mark, I completely lost my mind and had a breakdown.  Poor Galahad had to stop being sick for a while and tend to me. 

Despondence had reached its long spiny fingers down into my heart and started squeezing.  I felt like all the progress I thought I had made was gone -- leaving me stuck in the same helpless position I was in 20 years ago.   I knew I shouldn't start crying since that hurts worse, but the tears poured out.  The illusion of being functional had shattered, and I felt like such a burden on this planet.  I was almost desperate enough to try the Botox Migraine Treatment.  Hehe, but then Galahad made Botox faces at me and made me giggle.  He reassured me I wasn't a burden to him.  He got me ice for my head which I crushed down with a fury.  I was holding it so hard against my head that I popped the Special Ice Pack (Gah, I hope it wasn't toxic!) and it leaked all down my shoulder.  I'll have to remember to buy him a new one for Christmas. 

He tells me there is no water shutoff just for that sink so he has to do the one for the house.  Okay, I filled up my glass of water and am set for 30 minutes or so.  I hear some rustling and rattling.  I would offer to help but I can't even keep my mind focused on whole sentences when he's speaking about it.  No wonder plumbers make gobs of money. 

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Galahad found my missing lipstick in one of his pockets while he was out of town.  I've been missing it for months & months. 

Omg, I got a phone call from him when he changed planes at LAX telling me they canceled his flight due to the fires.  And to come back tomorrow.  It was only 9:30 am local time.  WHAT??!!???!?!?!!!  No one puts obstacles keeping me away from my guy!  Not even Mother Nature.  I was on the Internet and on the phone with the airlines within 2 minutes.  I found 3 alternative flights by the time I got an agent on the phone.  Galahad was still in line for the ticket agent at the airport.  The agent on the phone was able to switch him and his co-worker (who was waiting in a different line at the airport) to the very next flight (which happened to be non-stop thankfully).  I began to relax and hung up thinking I would still see my man soon.

I called my manager and asked if I should be concerned about my job.  He said that I've been with the company for several years and am well-respected and the asshole is very new.  I started to feel a bit better until he mentioned that he had spoken of me to the HR Director.  [ I hate that directors know me by name.  :( ]  They both concluded that despite the fact that I'm an odd egg (rolls eyes), I do my job very well.  I think he meant for this to cheer me up.  The good thing about a phone conversation is that he couldn't see the tears trickling out.   Yay!  My voice didn't waver or shake either.

/cry

I hate saying goodbye.  I did get him safely to the airport and had enough time to come back home, practice my presentation one more time, and drive down to Miami where the conference was. 

Omg, I have so much work to make up since I was gone all last week.  My head is fucking pounding, and I have no motivation.  :(

Omg, role-playing today.  I hate that...a LOT.  :(

And one man decided to role-play an asshole.  Gee thanks, that helps my self-confidence and new skill set.  Note the sarcasm?  Omg, I never use sarcasm because it's veiled anger.  Fuck that!  I'm not veiling this.  He was an asshole to me!  Fucker!  He realized afterwards that he was an ass for no reason other than his own insecurities.  So he did the manly thing and apologized.  I guess I should let it go now, huh?  :p  It truly made me appreciate my adoring Galahad even more (is that actually possible?) in that he isn't intimidated by being with a strong, opinionated, confident (when I'm not in crisis :p) woman.  In fact, he wouldn't have it any other way.   /beam

Lucky for me, I got to skip out a little bit early (missed role-playing session #3) so I could catch my flight back home.  I met some cute girl who sat next to me on the plane.  She is one of the few gringas who still lives in Miami and doesn't speak Spanish.  I was amazed.  I was annoyed at first that someone was sitting next to me, but she had such a cute personality that I soon got over that.  Plus I was fighting a migraine (the aforementioned asshole didn't help that situation), so I was on meds and pretty mellow.

Then the long drive home from Miami airport.  I'm glad I flew into there though.  It's so much better lit than Ft Lauderdale airport at night.  Laugh, I actually felt safer there.  I called my brother on my cell phone and chatted to him on the hour-long drive home.

Luckily today I was able to sleep in a little bit, have breakfast in my room, and leisurely get ready before my workday started.  I'm on a blazing 24Kbps connection, so I couldn't really work much.

Training was fun and fruitful.  It was a small group so we could jump in and ask questions all the time.  I love that.  :)  Hehe, I'm such a geek, and a curious one at that.

And then....omg I had such a treat for dinner!  My former manager from three years ago showed up and hung out with us.  He made a special trip to see me.  I feel so special.  :)  Plus another friend of mine showed up to dinner also.  I had a bit of an awkward moment cuz I thought he brought his girlfriend, so I didn't hug him.  It turns out it's his friend's wife.  If I had been more observant I would have seen her ring.  Oh well, I'd rather err on the side of caution.  I know what you're thinking.... wtf is wrong with a hug?  Nothing in my eyes or else I wouldn't do it, but I also respect that it makes some people jealous.  I was able to sneak in a hug at the end, so it all worked out.  ;)   And, he brought me a book by one of my favorite authors.  It's Clive Cussler's newest novel, White Death.  If you've never read one of his books, I highly recommend them.  It's like an underwater James Bond who saves the world each time.  :)

I loaded up everything and then remembered that I should print my boarding pass to make things easier to get through security.  I turned the PC back on and tried not to get sidetracked by last minute emails.  I'm so easily distracted.  :p

I began the long, perilous drive down, remembering that it's still part of the US so I won't need my passport.  I called Galahad to say goodbye and he looked up last-minute instructions on how to get to the airport from the turnpike.   I was just going to wing it, but exact directions are always better.  ;)  About 1 mile after I crossed the county line, I got back into Miami-driver mode.  It isn't pretty.  ;)  I started weaving in & out of traffic and began to feel at home.  I'm also happy I have the older car as the roads are not as nice anymore. 

I watched the clock and the storm clouds moving around.  I hit a few patches of rain but nothing too fierce.  I varied my speed by how close I was cutting the time with how heavy the rain was.  As I exited the expressway to get to the airport, I felt an overwhelming wave of emotion.  Somehow that exit triggered a childhood memory of my mother that was incredibly strong.  I felt the tears blur into my vision.  I choked back a sob and tried to keep my emotions checked so I could navigate my way.  It worked but a part of me felt guilty for having shoved her memory aside.

I parked my car and traversed the long path to locate my gate.  As I was sauntering through the morass of humanity, I began to realize that I was the ONLY white person there.  Every single person that I studied was of Latin, Caribbean or European birth.  I forgot how chivalrous Latin men can be.  ;)  It was a nice change.

We left finally when I freaked out and needed food (as usual).   We stopped at the first food place we saw which happened to be a bagel shop.  Who knew it was Rosh Hashanah and would be packed?  Heh, and then like heathens, we ordered traife food, but they didn't seem to care. 

I was there to see a friend perform, which is why I stuck it out.  She sounded amazing as usual.  :)  And she was so sweet and called me afterwards to thank me for showing up and staying in the rain.  She laughed and said I was like the postman because last year, I stood out in 100° heat to watch her perform.  I told her I won't do snow though.  :p

I was out with my partner in crime (the tea fanatic) who persuaded me to go to the auction house after we had gotten a bite to eat.  The fun part of eating at Mizner is sitting outside at a cafe and people-watching.  We started giggling like school girls when the topic turned sex-&-the-city-ish and I got busted staring at some man we were discussing.    I didn't mean to stare so overtly, but her comment really made me ponder.  And no I won't be sharing.  ;)

The auction house was a treat.  I forgot how amusing it is to listen to an auctioneer rattle off the bids.  It's as if he speaks a new language.  They had some cool items there, but the one I liked had already been sold, which is fine because I don't need anything else in my house.  I saw a beautiful bronze mermaid statue but decided I would get sick of looking at it one day so why bother.  Yeah, I know, I'm entirely too practical sometimes.

We traipse all over the back deck checking the lanterns.  Of course, once he climbs the ladder to open the fixture, he gets all anal about cleaning them.  I gave him the "Omfg you are so wasting your time" sigh on one of them that was about 15 feet high and on the side of the house.  Who the heck would even notice that's dirty?  Laugh.  He moved on after my sigh (and perhaps a commentary :p).  I did back down when he wanted to clean the one right out the backdoor by the BBQs.  [Yes, you read that correctly.  We have more than one BBQ. :)]  He's such a perfectionist that he asked me to get the canned air that I use for our computers.  Hehe, he's so lucky I love him enough to waste money on that.  :p  Actually, I'm the lucky one, which is why I'll waste money on that for him.  =)

So I was Miss Helpy Helperton, handing him new light bulbs, screwdrivers, Windex, canned air (sigh), etc. 

I went back to Whole Foods to buy a few more boxes for her and started browsing  while I was there.  Omg, this employee came running up to me to ask if I needed any help.  I said no thanks.  But that didn't stop him!!  He says, "oh you're just looking?"  Laugh, why yes, yes I am.  At this point, I was perusing the beer aisle seeing if I wanted to buy Galahad some new fun beer.  The first time I bought him Trois Pistoles, which he loved.  Next I bought Ephemere, which was also tasty.  Now I had pressure to live up to.  So this ardent employee commences to explain every single fucking beer on the beer aisle.  I don't even drink beer, so I have no clue what he means when he starts explaining differences between malty & hoppy.  Wtf?  It all tastes pretty bad as far as I'm concerned, although the last two I brought home were somewhat palatable.

Two separate people came up to him to ask him questions, and he blew both of them off saying he was busy.  Wtf??  I'm getting his life story and the beer drinking habits of every store employee and people who have legitimate questions are being neglected.   He also raises an eyebrow when he looked into my little basket and sees 6 boxes of tea and inquired why I had that.  Wtf?  Thank god I didn't have organic tampons in my basket.

Suddenly he leans into me (I immediately back up) and says, "what's that?"  I'm starting to suspect he forgot his medication today.  But, I'm in a good mood, so I take the bait.  "What's what?" I ask, again glad that I wasn't shopping for feminine hygiene products.

A different tree guy says that tree isn't on the list.  Sigh.  Time to make a phone call....

It was his & hers day at the chiropractor today.  My poor injured Galahad.  :(  It's all wrong for him to be the fucked up one and me to be the better of the two.  Neither one of us is very good at the alternate role, but we are adjusting.  He's learning to accept help, and I'm learning how to be more assertive and insist on doing certain things.  Hehe, but I'm walking a fine line on not being too assertive and pissing him off.  He wanted to drive so I let him...after asking if he was sure 30 times.  =p

The tree guys came around last week to start doing the hurricane cuts on all the significant trees in the community.  I asked one short, bad-toothed man if they would be trimming the HUGE tree in front of my house.  He says no.  I ask 2 more times.  Dunno why ... laugh, but it was hard to take no for an answer, so I kept asking.

This morning, someone knocks on my door and asks me to move my car since they will be cutting my trees.  Yay!!!  I pointed to the big fucker, and he said yes.  I'm still a little leery cuz I don't think he understood English very well, so maybe I didn't win after all. 

I moved my car and on the way back inside I noticed that Galahad had his BBQ returned from his friend.  Apparently he didn't move it into the backyard because of his shoulder injury.  So, I feel all beneficent and think I will move it for him.  Go me!!  It's on 2 wheels, so I should be able to lift and roll, right?

I picked up my friend at her house and was wowed by her outfit!  She had borrowed her teenaged daughter's clothes and looked very good.  I had just thrown on jeans, a t-shirt and sneaks.  Oh well, I wanted to be comfortable.  I'm past the age of trying to compete with all the 20 year old hussy-dressing girlies.  Haha, now I compete with women my own age.  ;)  It's actually easier to compete with the younger ones because they lose most of their points with outward signs of insecurity.  I'm much better at masking mine now.  Not that I was insecure last night but rather at times when I actually care. 

So back to the story.  My friend spotted the perfect parking space right across the street -- only 2 disadvantages.  One, it was metered, and two, I would have to parallel park.  I'm much better in my car at high speeds.  At slow speeds (like parking), I'm terrible at maneuvering.  With her help, I slid into that spot like a pro.  For those of you who are wondering how I've gotten through life sucking at parallel parking, remember that 99.99% of the spaces here are pull-in ones.  We dump all off our change into the meter and buy 30 minutes.  Big fucking deal.  So now the begging starts...  No establishment there would give us change for a dollar.  The nasty pizza guy offered 3 quarters for a dollar like 25 fucking cents is gonna break him.  What an ass.  Finally, my friend walks up to 3 cops having a dinner break and asks them.  They start to hem & haw and she says... either give us change now or a ticket later.  It's your choice.  Laugh.  They fell for it.  Or maybe it was her sexy outfit.  :) 

We met up with my brother and his GF.  They had procured a table right up front with the best view of the stage next to the judges' table.  Somehow, where I sat looked to be a good place to walk through even though there was no room.  So I constantly had people asking me to move so they could get through.  The official aisle was about 10 feet away so they were just lazy or blind.  Most I gave my bitch look to and they went around.  One man was very persistent and got on his knees and begged.  Dunno why.  :p  I laughed but still didn't feel like moving.  Finally he started kissing my feet.  Laugh, that did it.  I jumped up fast and let him through.

I forgot to watch the news yesterday to see if they aired that.  Gah, I truly hope I wasn't on it.  I can't believe they think it's that slow of a news day with this category 4 Hurricane Isabel barreling down upon us.

And then, some excitement in my quiet little community.  I had seen a police car cruising in front of my house earlier.  That was unusual but I didn't see where he stopped so I forgot about it.  Later in the afternoon, I look out my window and see a news van with the giant antenna on top.  Wtf?

So I trudge over to the end of the pond where neighbors and news crew are gathering.  I'm subtly making sure that there are no news cameras aimed on me, but I know they can get you from hundreds of feet away so I'm a bit apprehensive.  I'm barefoot, wearing my shredded cutoffs and a faded half tee -- not the best attire to be televised in.  I did have the good sense to put my sunglasses on to cover my swollen eyes (more on that later).

I ask what the hullabaloo is and find out there is an alligator in our idyllic little pond.  Then, one woman gets all teary-eyed and says he ate Eloise.  I was guessing that's her dog.  I felt so bad for her.  But...  it turns out that's my fucking duck!!!  That bastard killed our beautiful white duck.  The mallard (her fella') was just sitting all by himself looking bereft.  I peered into the pond to get a better glimpse of the killer gator.  Wtf?  He's like 3 feet long, just a baby.  Poor guy.    He didn't even eat the duck.  The neighbors pulled her away.  Wtf?  And buried her.  Wtf?

Well anyway, it was cool to watch someone get her eyelids & eyebrows tattooed. 

Out of 6 billion people, what if your "one" doesn't speak your language?  How did I get so lucky to have found mine in my twenties?  What if I'm self-delusional and he isn't my one?  Could we both be delusional?  And if so, would that work anyway?

Because I love her so much, I braved the big bad stores with the nasty children and worse parents to buy her a present.  She is on a restrictive diet that allows no caffeine yet she is a tea fanatic.  I managed to find a bunch of fun flavors and varieties of either caffeine-free tea or herbal infusions.  Remind me to never go to that store again on a Saturday.  Oh the horror!!!  It was worth it though because she loved her present.  =)

And to add to my horror-filled day, she decided to celebrate with a bowling/karaoke party --- as if one isn't white trash enough.  And to seal in the extra special white-trashness, she picked a place down near Davie.  I think I heard more bad Tammy Wynette (is there any good Tammy Wynette?) than I have in my entire life. 

To make matters even better (she said facetiously), most of the people in our party were on restrictive diets.  Well, you know me, miss i-have-to-eat-every-3-hours.  So, there I was, wolfing down a pizza in front of people who can't eat pizza.  That was so uncomfortable.  I did ask in advance.  I wasn't sure which was ruder, eating in front of them or leaving them to eat alone.  I was told to act natural.  Sigh.

I popped another Imitrex on the early morning ride to the office at about 8 am.  I was told that I might be riding into the city very early to meet with customers.  So there I was sitting in the office again checking my email and doing routine work at an ungodly hour with a migraine.  The meeting I actually flew in for wasn't until 1 pm.  I was asked to schedule an extra 2 days there for client meetings.  I had a hunch that wouldn't happen, so I scheduled only 1 extra day which went to waste.

I was a teensy bit nervous about the 1 pm meeting as it had a couple of bigwigs in it, and I had to give a presentation of how smoothly knowledgeable I am.  Haha, I'm probably not overly charismatic whilst medicated, in pain, and bags under my eyes.  I put on my lip-gloss and went to town on my vast expertise, faking some serious self-confidence.  Lip-gloss is quite the confidence booster --- more powerful than alcohol in my eyes.  Plus Galahad had just bought me some new power pants.   Black dressy cargo pants -- perfect for the tech professional on the go.

The meeting went well with one small glitch (in my perfectionistic opinion but maybe no one else noticed it).  Then off to the airport to grab a bite to eat and my flight home.

When checking into the automated kiosk, I was able to change my seat to a window this time.  My head was starting to pound and I was pretty sure I would need the wall of support.  Security wasn't too bad except for the whole "please remove your shoes cuz you might hurt someone with them" thing.  I wonder if I can just fly barefoot next time.  I hate wearing shoes anyway.

I wandered the 17 miles down to my gate, trying to scope out an eatery on the way.  Sad to say that I barely found one I liked with so many to choose from.  A Hawaiian taco stand.  Dunno how they are different but my burrito was kind of tasty.  ;)

As I was people-watching the multitudinous aberrations who frequent the Newark airport, I heard my flight announcing a gate change --- waaaay on the other side of the terminal.  Good thing I'm a light packer and I like to walk.  =)

So off I strut the 38 miles to my new gate where I find out that my flight (the last of the day) has been oversold.  They ask for volunteers to spend the night who will then get a $300 voucher.  Are they fucking crazy?  Apparently their clientele is even crazier as they got their volunteers in about 15 seconds.  The mad rush to board begins...

I find out that the seat in the row in front of me has been removed for the exit row, so I now have lots of legroom.  Serendipity again! I settle into my seat and try to relax and ignore the fucking banging in my head.  Yeah, you guessed it, it didn't work too well.  I did get lucky with my seatmate.  He is also a tech professional.  We start chatting away.  The Excedrin turned me into quite the Chatty Cathy.  Next thing I know, it's been 45 minutes, and we haven't moved more than 10 feet on the runway.  Sigh.

/confession
I woke up drooling with a jolt.  Fortunately, I don't think anyone saw.  Gah, how embarrassing.  I freshened up at Newark airport (Doesn't that sound like an oxymoron?) when we landed.   I had thought the salesperson picking me up would be whisking me off to meet with clients.  Nope.  I was rushed back to the office where I checked my email and did routine work.  Glad I flew in early to do that.  <rolls eyes>

The Imitrex was kicking in nicely so my head felt much better all afternoon.  It started pounding again at about 4:30.  I wasn't driven to my hotel until 6. 

/rejoice
I stayed at an upscale Hilton where I promptly ordered room service for dinner (horseradish-encrusted sea scallops) and plugged my laptop into the high-speed Internet cable.  Dinner was scrumptious.  Okay, it was better than McDonald's so I was pleased.  I enveloped myself in the big white fluffy robe provided and surfed the Internet, read personal email, and chatted with friends on various instant messengers.

Galahad called me to wish me sweet dreams.  Then off to TV land for this week's Sex & the City.  I surfed a few channels before it started and discovered that the Hilton has free porn.  Who knew?

My Galahad accidentally poured uncooked rice into his seasoned sesame seed mixture.  He looked upset that he would have to start over, so I volunteered to pick the rice out.  Hehe, I got it all out grain by grain.  It was quite Zen, and I would do anything to make him happy.  Haha, so that was my contribution to cooking.  ;)

I got slightly domestic today.  I cleaned up the house, did some laundry, and set the table for dinner. 

I remember the very worst nightmare I ever had several years ago.  It was before Galahad moved down here, so we were doing the long distance thing.  Heh, it was kind of before the Internet <rolls eyes at being so old>, so we communicated by phone, regular mail, and lots of visits.  Anyway, I woke up in such terror that I called and woke him up at 3 am.  He must have spent about 45 minutes reassuring me that I was safe.  Holy shit, it was awful.  I think we are both grateful that now I can just snuggle up against him for that reassurance and let him continue sleeping. 

I was doing laundry because that is one of the few domestic activities that I am good at (or so I thought).  I also excel at dishwasher duty because of my l33ty organizational abilities.

Today's relaxing TV marathon was Monk.  Watching him makes me feel less freakish.  ;)  I think everyone has some type of OCD to a degree.  For those of you who are confused, this detective has some severe OCD and phobias.  And even though it's a serious matter, it's kind of comical because I think we can all relate just a little bit.

I caught up with my brother in California telephonically.  We talked for about an hour.  He still gets personally offended that I don't like to speak on the phone much.  Why can't people accept me as I am?  He had a small scare that he thought was skin cancer but turned out not to be.  Then, he said he started to understand what I've been going through all these years.  Haha, I laughed even harder when he was shocked that I had melanoma.  Laugh, did he think I got all stressed out from non-fatal shit?  Hehe, okay, I guess I do get stressed out from the non-fatal ones, too.  But, the melanoma scared the bejeezus out of me. 

Anyway, we saw Seabiscuit.  I read a kid's version of the story when I was 8 or 9, and the title always stuck in my head --- Come on, Seabiscuit.  Omg, I started to get so weepy at the message of the movie.  It's kind of been my motto in the last few years of my life.  Don't throw away a Lamborghini (or racehorse) because of a few dings.  It was an excellent movie and gave more background to the story than the kid's version.  I was trying not to cry too much because I didn't want to embarrass my guy in front of his family.  Laugh.  I was able to blink away the few tears that surfaced and dab them with my linen napkin.  Yes, I said linen napkin.  Hehe, we brought in the rest of our dinner when the movie started.  This place has loveseats and large arm-trays to put plates and glasses on.  I accidentally swallowed 2 lemon seeds in my water glass.  They slurped up through my straw.  Oops.

Speaking of the usual disquietude on my mind, I found another suspect spot on my face.  :(  It's about 2 millimeters away from the scar I have from a little over a year ago (Happy Valentine's Day, Wendy, here's a new scar for you).  I'm guessing it's related, but I can't say for sure.  It's way in the early stage so I'm trying my new cancer cream on it.  Who even knew this existed?  My dermatologist gave it to me last time I was there for a different suspect spot that seems to be not so suspect now.    In case you're curious how that can happen, some of the lesser forms of skin cancer look like shiny pink scar tissue at first.  Laugh, I'm starting to have trouble keeping up with all of my scars.  Yes, I know they're all tiny, but I still don't like them.  And before you weep yourself into a stupor, remember that I tend to overreact on these things (scars I mean), so I probably don't look as bad as you might guess.  In fact, I think only 2 are noticeable without being pointed out.  But, I notice them.  :(

Yeah, I know....look at how much fucking character I'm building.  I think I have enough to last me through my next few lives.

While walking back out to our car, an old friend of mine drove by (my former sushi buddy from work) and hailed me.  We chatted for a few to catch up.  Hehe, she asked me where I had eaten and looked relieved when I said the Indian place.  She then launched into a diatribe about how god-awful Buca's is. 

We ate our soup and chicken chow fun and watched cartoons.  Then for dessert, we had some yummy exotic fruit.  He told me the name but I promptly forgot it before I left the store.  It was bumpily like an artichoke.  Once it was peeled, there was sweet white flesh inside and small black smooth seeds.  And then there was the after-dessert dessert of Hat Dieu, which is similar to peanut brittle but with cashews and not as sweet, which Galahad ate with his special new Yunnan tea.

After he left, I watched his non-English-speaking employees unload his truck.  They must have carried off 50 small, white plastic bags that didn't seem to weigh much.  Yeah I know, it's probably grout for all that marble he's been chipping ....

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The Tard Blog

I remember in one of my philosophy classes that there was a line of thinking that one should end life (via suicide if necessary) at the apex of life so as never to be disappointed.  That always stuck in my mind for some reason.  I don't even remember any of the other so-called great philosophers' thinking.

Yay, the event is finally over and I'm off to the airport!

Dinner with a bunch of people I work with.  And, they got intoxicated and off-color.  Good god, that part sucked.   We started at Barley Hoppers for drinks.  Sigh, I was hungry and just wanted to eat.  And it was biker night there.  Harleys are just silly.  Such a waste of money and too fucking loud for no good fucking reason except to be fucking annoying.  Hehe, I bet you're wondering how I really feel....  ;)

Brain Food: Realistic Lateral Thinking Puzzles

I was feeling restless today even after trying to meditate out by the pool with the lizards and birds.  A friend of mine called me to go have dinner since she was home alone.  She's going through her own life crises, and it's been a while since I've seen her.

Galahad gladly stayed at home engrossed in his book while I sallied forth for a girls' night out.  My friend is older than I am so it was fairly tame as those type of nights go.  We had dinner on the beach and then took a stroll around Boca's trendiest plaza, Mizner Park.  I forgot what it was like to hang out with a woman who likes to shop.  She had me going in to every little boutique.  It's so hard for me to ever tell her no.  :)  I couldn't believe the vast amounts of high-priced useless shit that is sold.  Wtf do people do with it all?  What compels people to spend money (some of it maybe even hard-earned although in Boca maybe not) on trinkets?

I was pleased when we finally completed the circuit, dodging the foul-smelling, arrogant cigar smokers who think they are oh-so-cool, and arrived at Starbucks for a relaxing cup of tea and some soulful conversation.  When did young people stop going to nightclubs and start going to a coffee shop on a Saturday night?  Ahhh well it was nice to enjoy some eye candy while talking.  And, it was a boost to my esteem to catch some young, seksi slicksters checking me out.  ;) 

< wonders if perhaps she was truly a Lamborghini to start with>

< decides the sleek, high maintenance, high performance analogy is applicable ;) >

< hopes Galahad has a similar philosophy >