10-Jul-01
I had electro last night, and was again
almost cleared. My upper lip was
heavy and shadowed. My lower lip was
heavy but mostly with white hairs.
Everything but straggling hairs at
my sideburns were done. Cool!
Assuming that from February to November
of 2000, I did 10 hours a month, and
20 hours a month thereafter, and further
guessing I did about 10 hours at
the school of electrology before starting
with RK, I'm now right at about
200 hours of electro. In all the documentaries
on transgendered stuff, they
neglect to stress how much time, expense,
and pain electrolysis is.
My breasts are very sore today, particularly
around the edges. Cool. They
have seemed to be somewhat tender most
of the time since starting
prometrium. Also, it appears my problems
with depression are gone. This is
the longest I've gone without a depression
crash.
11-Jul-01
RJ had NB and I over to her parent's
place for dinner last night. Her
14-year-old daughter was also there.
They were all just the sweetest folks.
And, of course, they stuffed us full
of great food.
Seeing people like that gives me a glimmer
of hope for Christianity. They
were devout Christians and still stayed
with their child while she faced
transition. RJ's daughter was a great
kid, and was a lot of fun. Overall, it
was incredible seeing such a loving
and accepting environment.
12-Jul-01
Wow, it actually feels like I got enough
useful sleep last night.
The MCC support group met last night,
but strangely, no one showed up to
unlock the church. We ended up congregating
outside then eventually
migrating to the Pasta House (below
our apartment). That ended up being just
as well, because dinners together are
great, and have a much more relaxed
atmosphere.
It came up in conversation that it seems
all the girls who have switched
from Provera to Prometrium seem to
have accelerated hair growth on their
faces.
While that's annoying, I would be glad
to trade the excess hair for larger
breasts. I do NOT want breast implants,
and at this rate, won't need them.
The slight amount of slack in the cups
of the bras I purchased has
disappeared, and I'm filling out the
B cup completely. The bras I bought
were on the smallish side of B cup,
so I think it's about time to return to
Ann's Bra Shop and get some 40Bs with
fuller cups. (smile, smile, beam)
13-Jul-01
I don't know if the entry got lost,
but on the 3rd, I was given a written
warning by my project manager, telling
me my work performance needs to
improve. Despite this, and recurring
problems with sleep apnia, I have been
in about the most positive mood I have
ever felt in my life. This has lasted
more than a week.
Funny that I picked the name 'On Path'
for my diary, and over the two years
I have maintained it, it still holds
true. It is a path, a journey. I don't
wake up and (POOF) change. I see the
changes so slowly that they're hard for
me to perceive.
Oh... yeah. I got up this morning and
there was a 7 ball from a billiard
table in my parking lot. I found that
somewhat odd.
16-Jul-01
I knew the two year mark was approaching
for my having kept this diary. That
was as of this past Friday (the 13th,
oooh...SCARY). Looking back on these
past two years, it's like everything
has changed and nothing has changed. I
tore off the facade of the old me,
and showed what lies beneath. The funny
thing isn't how much I've changed,
it's how much I'm still the same me I've
always been.
What showed through before was me, but
a filtered version, like the editing
done to a movie for network television.
Now what people get is the whole
picture. Admittedly, they may not LIKE
it, but hey, that's THEIR problem,
not mine. I feel really bad breaking
their concepts of neat boundaries
(not).
I went to Taco Bell this weekend, and
when I approached the register and
spoke, the girl behind the counter
read me by my voice. She was taken aback
for a moment. After ordering, NB and
I were waiting for our food, and there
was a young teenage boy ordering. The
girl behind the counter was whispering
something to him and looking right
at me while doing so. I wasn't frightened
or feeling humiliated. What I felt
was that she really ought to have
something better to do with her time
than gossip about me.
I would still love to have some irrefutable
physical evidence to show that I
have female neural anatomy, but that
will probably never happen. Oh well. I
am happy and comfortable enough with
myself to not really need justification
for other's benefit.
I feel after switching from Provera
to Prometrium that I have had no bouts
of depression. I think it's about time
to make my next go at quitting
Celexa. I really don't think I need
it. Hey... haven't I said that before?
(smile)
I just keep thinking there are so many
things I have that have made my
transition easier.
17-Jul-01
I got a nasty-gram from my project
manager yesterday after informing my
acting supervisor that I was taking
off for electro. This has only happened
every week since I started Mondays.
You'd think they'd just understand that
it was a standing appointment. Instead
he reamed me about not getting
permission for it. (sigh)
18-Jul-01
I dropped my Celexa from 20 back down
to 10 AGAIN. So far, so good.
24-Jul-01
I had 5 hours of electro last night
and I am going to call it my first
complete clearing. There were some
straggling hairs, and some white ones
that were missed because they're so
hard to see, but I feel it's fair to
call it a complete clearing. I hope
each session will continue to be a full
clearing. Each time an area is cleared,
it takes less time to clear the next
time. This means I may soon start having
shorter sessions.
Skip this paragraph if you don't want
graphic detail. The complete clearing
is good in one way, and scary in another.
It means that I'm approaching to
time for genital electrolysis. Ouch...
ouch, ouch, ouch. I know it needs
done, but I really hate the thought
of it. You'd think with the Emla cream
numbing it that the experience wouldn't
even be as bad as facial electro,
but it doesn't sound like much fun
dealing with the aftermath. My face
leaked blood plasma in the beginning,
when the hair density was high. And I
still get little pimple thingies and
ingrown hairs occasionally on my face.
Dealing with that between my legs sounds
like it would suck.