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Office
Jokes
| 1. |
A crow was sitting on a tree, doing nothing
all day. A small rabbit saw the crow, and asked him, "Can I also sit like you and do
nothing all day long?" The crow answered: "Sure, why not." So, the rabbit
sat on the ground below the crow, and rested. All of a sudden, a fox appeared, jumped on
the rabbit and ate it. Management Lesson: To be
sitting and doing nothing, you must be sitting very, very high up.
|
| 2. |
A turkey was chatting with a bull."I
would love to be able to get to the top of that tree," sighed the turkey, "but I
haven't got the energy." "Well, why don't you nibble on some of my
droppings?" replied the bull. "They're packed with nutrients." The turkey
pecked at a lump of dung and found that it actually gave him enough strength to reach the
first branch of the tree. The next day, after eating some more dung, he reached the second
branch. Finally after a fortnight, there he was proudly perched at the top of the
tree. Soon he was promptly spotted by a farmer, who shot the turkey out of the tree. Management Lesson: Bullshit might get you to the top, but it
won't keep you there.
|
| 3. |
When the body was first made, all the parts
wanted to be Boss. The brain said, "I should be Boss because I control the whole
body's responses and functions." The feet said, " We should be Boss as we carry
the brain about and get him to where he wants to go." The hands said, "We should
be the Boss because we do all the work and earn all the money. "And so it went on and
on with the heart, the lungs and the eyes until finally the asshole spoke up. All the
parts laughed at the idea of the asshole being the Boss. So the asshole went on strike,
blocked itself up and refused to work. Within a short time the eyes became crossed, the
hands clenched, the feet twitched, the heart and lungs began to panic and the brain
fevered. Eventually they all decided that the asshole should be the Boss, so the motion
was passed. All the other parts did all the work while the Boss just sat and passed out
the shit! Management Lesson: You don't need brains
to be a Boss - any asshole will do.
|
| 4. |
A turkey was chatting with a bull."I
would love to be able to get to the top of that tree," sighed the turkey, "but I
haven't got the energy." "Well, why don't you nibble on some of my
droppings?" replied the bull. "They're packed with nutrients." The turkey
pecked at a lump of dung and found that it actually gave him enough strength to reach the
first branch of the tree. The next day, after eating some more dung, he reached the second
branch. Finally after a fortnight, there he was proudly perched at the top of the
tree. Soon he was promptly spotted by a farmer, who shot the turkey out of the tree. Management Lesson: Bullshit might get you to the top, but
it won't keep you there.
|
5. |
A little bird was flying south for the winter.
It was so cold, the bird froze and fell to the ground in a large field. While it was lying
there, a cow came by and dropped some dung on it. As the frozen bird lay there in the pile
of cow dung, it began to realize how warm it was. The dung was actually thawing him out!
He lay there all warm and happy, and soon began to sing for joy. A passing cat heard the
bird singing and came to investigate. Following the sound, the cat discovered the bird
under the pile of cow dung, and promptly dug him out and ate him! Management
Lessons:
| 1 |
Not everyone who drops shit on you is your
enemy. |
| 2 |
Not everyone who gets you out of shit is your
friend. |
| 3 |
And when you're in deep shit, keep your mouth
shut! |
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Javanese Jokes |
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This jokes was written as it is since the
sense will be lost if an English translation is made.....:-) |
| 1 Wonokairun |
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| 1. |
Minimarket Wonokairun
lagi blonjo ndhik minimarket cedhak omahe.Sing dituku tibake daging kalengan gawe pakane
kucing.Pas katene mbayar, Wonokairun ditakoni kasire. "Mbah, lek sampeyan katene tuku
pakan kucing iki, sampeyan kudhu mbuktekno lek sampeyan iku ndhuwe kucing.Aku khawatir lek
tibake pakan kucing iki sampeyan emplok dhewe. " jare Bunali, kasire.
Wonokairun gak protes, mulih diluk, mbalike nggendhong kucing dipamerno ndhik Bunali.
"Iki kucingku " jare Wonokairun ambek mbayar daging kalengan gawe kucinge.
Sisuke Wonokairun teko maneh ndhik minimarket, saiki tuku biskuit pakane asu. Pas
katene mbayar, ditakoni maneh ambek Bunali. "Mbah, sampeyan ndhuwe asu tah ?. Aku
khawatir lek tibake pakan asu iki sampeyan emplok dhewe. " jare Bunali, kasire.
Wonokairun gak protes, mulih diluk, mbalike nuntun asu dipamerno ndhik Bunali. "Iki
asuku " jare Wonokairun ambek mbayar biskuit gawe asune.
Sisuke Wonokairun teko maneh ndhik minimarket, saiki nenteng kardus bekase indomi sing
pinggire dibolongi sak driji. "Mbah, sampeyan katene tuku pakane ulo tah ? "
jare Bunali. "Iki isine dhudhuk ulo. Cobaken tanganmu lebokno kene lek pingin
ngerasakno. Wis tah tak jamin gak bakal nyatek. " jare Wonokairun. Pertama Bunali
rodhok wedhi, tapi mari dibujuk Wonokairun akhire Bunali kendhel. Drijine dilebokno ndhik
bolongane kerdus. Tibake njerone onok gembuk-gembuke. Pas drijine ditarik maneh, ambune
malih gak whuenak. Bunali misuh-misuh gak karuan, " Damput, ancene wong dhobhol, lha
laopo aku sampeyan kongkon ndhemok tembelek."
"Saiki, oleh tah aku tuku tisu kamar mandi ? ".
|
| 2. |
Pikun Sore-sore
Wonokairun nangis gerung-gerung ndhik pinggir embong ambek napuki sirahe. Gak sui Bunali
liwat, begitu ndhelok onok wong tuwek nangis langsung mandhek nakoni. "Mbah, laopo
sampeyan nangis ndhik pinggir embong ?" takok Bunali. "Aku ndhuwe bojo anyar
ndhik omah, sik tas ae tak rabi, umure 20 taun, sik enom, ayu, semlohe. " jare
Wonokairun ambek nangis. "Lho lak enak se sampeyan, laopo kok nangis lho ?. "
Bunali mulai bingung. "Ngene lho cak, wis ayu, bojoku iku yo pinter masak.
Opo ae kari njaluk, jangan asem, rawon, brengkes, sembarang sing enak-enak
pokoke." jare Wonokairun.
"Lha kurang opo maneh sampeyan Mbah. Ngono kok sik mewek ae. " Bunali tambah
bingung. "Mari ngono yo, bojoku iku setia pol ambek aku. Lek onok sing nggudho
langsung dikandhakno aku. " jare Wonokairun maneh. "Lek ngono ceritane,
lha terus opoko sampeyan kok nangis gerung-gerung gak mari-mari ?" Bunali wis gak
sabar meneh.
"Masalae aku lali ndhik endhi omahku . . .."
|
| 3. |
YUYU Sore-sore
Wonokairun dijak ngobrol ambek Bunali. "Mbah. Jare arek-arek sampeyan wis rabi ping
telu. Yo tah ? " takok Bunali. "Yo bener. Tapi bojoku wis tebhal kabeh. "
jare Wonokairun."Lho kok isok ?" jare Bunali."Sing pertama mati nguntal
yuyu. " jare Wonokairun "Lha sing kedua ?" takok Bunali "Sing kedua
mati nguntal yuyu. " jare Wonokairun. "Lha sing ketiga yo nguntal yuyu pisan
" jare Bunalu kemeruh. "Gak. Matine mergo tak gibheng." jare Wonokairun.
"Lho opoko ?" takok Bunali.
"Soale gak gelem nguntal yuyu . . ."
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