CHAPTER FOUR

GOD'S SURPRISING ANSWER: THE VALUE OF SINGLE SEXUALITY

God has an answer to the question, "How can a person regain a sense of purity?" But fasten your seat belt--the answer is surprising and catches many singles off guard. In all the searching, many have not noticed the positive, transforming power of this solution. It is the ultimate stain remover. The answer is temporary celibacy.

The hidden, seldom understood value of celibacy is its purifying power. When celibate, a person withdraws from sexual activity for an extended period of time. This time apart is an opportunity; it is a harbor of rest and recovery. In this harbor, a single man can repair old damage and can find healing for past pains. A single woman can gain a whole new perspective on life and the place of sexuality. Temporary celibacy is a chance to recover a new sense of worth, and it is a season in which a new feeling of sexual purity can be discovered.

Those who have remained celibate may already know the benefits. Some feel the sense of purity and have strong feelings of self- worth. But most feel frustrated, even disappointed, that their sexual desires are not satisfied, and they don't feel a sense of wholeness. And for those singles who have had much sexual involvement and feel devalued, they can still restore their purity. They can return to wholeness. The solution is temporary celibacy, a celibacy that you continue to observe until your wedding day.

HIDDEN TREASURES

Kelly was a successful insurance agent, respected in the community and welcomed into our singles group. On the outside, he had it all together; but on the inside, he was a mess. He had made a lot of mistakes with women and as a result felt pretty worthless. One day I began a conversation with Kelly about home safes and how they protect our possessions. My purpose, of course, was to help him recognize the need to protect his sexual identity by staying celibate. The conversation began after Kelly made a confession to me.

"Rick, I'm a success in areas that really don't matter. But in the most important area--love--I'm a failure and a jerk."

I asked Kelly a simple question: "Do you have a safe or lock box in your home?"

Kelly replied, "Yes, I do."

"Well, where do you keep it? Is it usually on the kitchen table or the front porch?" I asked.

"Of course not," Kelly said. "It's kept hidden away in a safe place."

"Why do you hide it away? Are you embarrassed by it? Is it ugly or old or something?"

He said, "I hide it in a place where I think thieves won't look. I hide it to protect it."

"What do you keep in it--your dirty laundry or garden tools?"

With some sense of mounting exasperation, he responded, "No, I keep my valuables in there. Stuff like important documents, jewelry, keepsakes, and other valuable items."

"But if you keep your valuables hidden away, you and others can't enjoy them as often as if they were left out in the open. You're robbing yourself of pleasure!"

"That's true in one sense," Kelly said, "but in another sense if everyone could touch and handle my stuff, it would lose its value. Valuable things are sort of like rare coins. If everyone is allowed to hold a rare coin, not only might someone steal or lose it, but it will slowly wear away and will become less valuable. So if I don't keep my valuables locked up, I won't be able to enjoy them later because they will lose their value. I also collect baseball cards, but I don't let anyone handle them--that would cause them to lose value."

Kelly was on a roll now and just kept talking. "People also treat things better when they aren't left out in the open. If I bring a piece of crystal slowly out of a locked cabinet and gingerly give it to a friend to hold, he or she will treat it carefully. If I leave the same piece out on the coffee table, he or she might pick it up roughly, not knowing how valuable it is."

"Oh," I responded. "So locking something away is a way of asserting its worth. I bet I could put cheap stuff in a locked cabinet and people would assume it was really valuable."

"Sure." Kelly laughed. "That's an old interior decorator's trick!"

I summarized: "So you separate out the valuable stuff and hide it away, as a way of protecting and enhancing the items' value."

"That's right."

Kelly easily made the conclusion himself: Temporary celibacy ought to be viewed as an opportunity to withdraw from sexual activity in order to recover a sense of purity and worth.

THE VALUE OF VIRGINITY

Interestingly, a sense of purity and worth is exactly what the Bible conveys through the word virgin. The ancient Hebrews hid and separated the young women away as a way of protecting and asserting their worth. (The Hebrew words for "virgin" are made out of two roots meaning to hide and to separate.) It wasn't to hurt the women; it was to help them. It was a public declaration of their great value.

A brief word study is in order here. The Old Testament uses two Hebrew words for "virgin": bethulah and almah. Bethulah is the more common of the two in the Old Testament, occurring more than fifty times. When Abraham's trusted servant sought a bride for Abraham's son Isaac, he eventually saw Rebekah coming to the spring with a jar on her shoulder. "The girl was very beautiful, a virgin [bethulah]; no man had ever lain with her," according to Genesis 24:16. As Brown notes in New International Dictionary of New Testament Theology, the word bethulah "always means an untouched maiden." Such a maiden was a source of hope for a suitor because he could be assured the offspring would be his, free from disease, and full of untapped potential.

Bethulah, therefore, metaphorically came to suggest the "embodiment of hope" and because of this was used as "a designation for the People of Israel."

But Bethulah meant much more than untouched, and the deeper significance of the word seems to have been missed by Becker and Brown. Bethulah was derived from an Arabic root meaning "to separate." It referred to someone who was separated from others and therefore not touchable. The Hebrew maidens were separated from the young men, removed from interaction. Of course, this was done not as a protection for the young men. It was the women who were being protected. Like fine jewels or expensive treasures, they were kept safe and secure from violation. Their separation was a way to protect their value; it was a clear statement to the community that a young woman was special and precious. Like a fine wine, she was not for everyone's use. She was being saved. She was special and unique.

This may be one reason why maidens in some Eastern countries wore (and still wear) veils to cover their faces. They were considered special, and that specialness was too valuable to let just anyone enjoy. The veils were a method of hiding away a treasure; the woman was being saved for one man. Letting any other man enjoy her beauty would be tantamount to her sharing her beauty with others, and the husband-to-be preferred to be the only one to enjoy his wife's loveliness. She was his precious treasure.

Of course, there were also other reasons that women wore veils--some of them not so positive, such as subordination, class status, and so on. But even when worn for negative reasons, the veils could have had a positive effect--guarding and protecting the value of the woman underneath.

This is similar to what happens today with attractive yet modest clothing. Though the clothes may reveal nothing, they nonetheless give the hint of what is underneath. Sometimes the hint is even more powerful that the real thing; a fully-clothed woman can look sexier than an unclad one. By wearing modest clothing, men and women can guard and protect the value underneath, while at the same time asserting that there is something of value there. This seems also to be the apostle Paul's point in I Corinthians 12:22-26: by clothing the unpresentable parts of the body, we give them "special treatment" and therefore it greater honor."

A similar root is behind the Hebrew word almah. The root alm simply meant to hide. It is used in Psalm 10:1, where the writer cries to God, "Why, O Lord, do you stand far off? Why do you hide [almah] yourself in times of trouble?"

Almah was also used to refer to young women who were of marriageable age or at least had not yet been married. In Genesis 24, Abraham's servant told of his discovery of Rebekah to her father Laban. He had referred to her in verse 16 as a virgin (bethulah), but this time he tells his story using the word almah:

When I came to the spring today, I said, "O Lord, God of my master Abraham, if you will, please grant success to the journey on which I have come. See, I am standing beside this spring; if a maiden [almah] comes out to draw water and I say to her, "Please let me drink a little water from your jar," and if she says to me "Drink, and I'll draw water for your camels too," let her be the one the Lord has chosen for my master's son." (vv. 42-43)

Almah is also the noun used in the famous passage in Isaiah 7:14, ,Therefore the Lord Himself will give you a sign: The virgin [almah] will be with child and will give birth to a son, and will call him Immanuel."

The second Hebrew word for virgin, as we have seen, is constructed out of the word meaning "hidden." In other words, a virgin was "a hidden one," a young woman who was hidden away from others. This use is exactly parallel to the first Hebrew word for virgin, bethulah, which meant "separated one." In both cases, the central idea of virginity was to remove the woman from public access as a way of protecting and guaranteeing value. One did not separate, hide, and protect a worthless thing or person. Separation signified worth; hiding suggested value.

A RENEWED SENSE OF WORTH

A Hebrew virgin carried with her an inherent sense of value. When a virgin walked down the street, the observers would literally say in Hebrew, "Look, there goes a hidden one," or, "Say, there walks a separated one." A chaste (celibate) maiden knew that she was being saved. She had a tacit awareness that she was special and important. She was pure and therefore precious. To hear those words reinforced her own sense of specialness. They contributed to her deep sense of self-worth.

Unfortunately, the word virgin does not convey any sense of specialness or uniqueness today. A generation has passed since the late '60s when being a virgin was considered a sign of innocence, purity, and honor. Today many teenagers and adults consider virgin to be a negative word, implying a lack of worth, or immaturity. Young people ask one another, "You're not still a virgin, are you?" Even if they are, many teens will lie and say they are not. Being a virgin is not a mark of pride for youth today. Instead, it is a mark of failure, evidence that one is not pretty enough, grown up enough, or desirable. A virgin is one who hasn't scored yet, like a basketball player who can't make a basket.

How different it was for the young Hebrew women. They were valuable and special. The very words bethulah and almah were constant reminders of their worth. Maybe what we need to do is drop the English word virgin and start calling our young virgin teens treasures or prizes. Then they could say to anyone who wanted a cheap roll in the hay, "Forget it, Buster, I'm a treasure!" Like the Hebrew virgins of old, they would not only be pure, they would feel pure.

We also need new attitudes toward virginity, not just new words. Sadly, homosexuals today are free to come out of the closet, while virgins are forced into the closet! This needs to be changed. We need people who are proud of their purity. We need singles who are courageous about celibacy; and they, in turn, need friends who honor and support their virgin state- much like the philoparthenos, Christians in the fourth century who were called "lovers of virgins." We already have philosophers, Philadelphians, and philantropists--what the world really lacks are philoparthenos.

IT'S GOTTA COST YOU SOMETHING

Purity had a price tag. A Hebrew maiden developed her sense of Purity through years of separation. Probably many times the teenage girl wanted to run free, mingle with the other children, open the gates, throw off her veil, and flee from her hiding place. But she did not. Her sense of worth was established the old fashioned way--she earned it.

Even today, a sense of value and purity must be earned. After years of devalued living, a feeling of worth will take some time to develop. After years of thoughtless spending, it will take effort to build up a self-respect account again. Something this valuable and important cannot be had for free. Your decision to remain celibate--or to return to celibacy--will cost you. Ridicule, rejection for dates, perhaps even an ending to a relationship may await. You'll face pressure to abandon this path.

Doing what is right sometimes requires such sacrifice. King David was aware of this principle. He serves as a remarkable model for single adults in the way he was willing to pay the price to achieve something worthwhile.

The second king of Israel, David led his armies to many grand victories. Eventually David began to feel prideful about his successes, and he decided to take a census of his troops. Joab, his commanding general, recognized this as a sinful thing to do and cautioned David against it. The king was beginning to rely on his human resources rather than on the Lord. Unfortunately, David took the census anyway.

In response to David's sin, God chose to punish Israel. Though David asked for the punishment to fall on him alone, God did not honor his request. Instead, God sent a plague in which thousands of Israelites died. God then asked David to go and build an altar on a certain spot of land, a threshing floor owned by Araunah the Jebusite. In obedience, David went to Araunah, and said to him: "Let me have the site of your threshing floor so I can build an altar to the Lord, that the plague on the people may be stopped. Sell it to me at the full price."

Araunah said to David, "Take it! Let my lord the king do whatever pleases him. Look, I will give the oxen for the burnt offerings, the threshing sledges for the wood, and the wheat for the grain offering. I will give all this." (I Chronicles 21:22-23).

What a deal. David had been willing to pay for it, and here it was offered for free. Were I David, I would have been overjoyed. I probably would have thought, How wonderful! Not only can I worship God, but Araunah can join in too. God probably had this whole thing planned out for us. He not only asked for an offering, but He arranged the payment. I would have taken Araunah's offer, thinking that when God directs, He also supplies.

But David was not so shallow. He knew that an offering to God was not supposed to be free; it was supposed to cost something. That is why it was called a sacrifice. A free sacrifice is an oxymoron, a contradiction in terms. As the Scriptures report, "But King David replied to Araunah, 'No, I insist on paying the full price. I will not take for the Lord what is yours, or sacrifice a burnt offering that cost me nothing"' (v. 24).

This was a great principle--but how ironic that David did not practice this principle in the area of his sexuality. How different his life would have been if he had. Instead he enticed Bathsheba, the wife of one of his soldiers, to his palace. He lay with her, and she conceived a child. Later, compounding his lustful act, he had Bathsheba's husband placed on the front line of battle to die. The outcome of his actions was the death of one soldier, an illegitimate son, and turmoil in his kingdom.

A COSTLY PURITY AND A RECOVERED VIRGINITY

Sexual celibacy is the decision that sexuality is of value and personhood is special. When celibate, single adults are saying through their actions, "I will not reduce my sexuality to a cheap giveaway. I will not pretend it is unimportant or insignificant. It is valuable, and I am valuable. I will assert my worth and value by saving myself until marriage."

If the single adult at some later time in life meets another special single and decides to make a life-long commitment, he/she then can say with pride: "Here, I give you my sexuality. It is pure again. I was not loose. I have saved myself. I am special and valuable. I give you my sexuality, but know this: This is not cheap. I am giving you something that cost me dearly. I am giving you something that no one has had--all of me. I would not stoop to offer you something that cost me nothing."

If the single chooses to remain unmarried, he or she still has a strong sense of personal worth and value. It is this sense of self-worth that brings contentment and fulfillment, not marital status. So whether a person marries or not, single celibacy is of great value. It's a win-win solution.

This is the wonder of celibacy, the opportunity that any single can grasp. Through asserting our worth and being mature enough to delay gratification, we can regain a sense of value that can last a lifetime or can someday be offered to another person with godly honor. Celibacy is a way of saying that we are special. It is a way to avoid reducing ourselves to a piece of worn-out luggage. By remaining celibate, we give physical testimony to the fact that our sexuality is a valuable treasure. We are not cheap, for we were bought for a price (1 Corinthians 6:20). In the same way, we will not give to someone that which cost us nothing, but only that for which we have paid the price.

One woman told me that understanding the value of her sexual identity and of staying sexually pure gave her the courage to tell men why she is staying celibate. "The fact that it is a valuable treasure and cost me a lot is so encouraging," she said. "I can place [that truth] before a man I am dating and say to him, 'This cost me a lot--I had to sacrifice a lot of relationships to give you this, so you better treat me well.' [My celibacy] enables me to think more highly of myself, and though I am thirty-six years old, to feel that I have something of value is a precious gift."

The price is temporary celibacy, but the prize is a deep sense of personal value and purity. Of course, one cannot recover a lost virginity in a technical, physical sense. There is no legalistic loophole, no way to turn back the hands of time. It is not like a lost coin that can be found, or a lost sheep that can be returned to the fold.

However, I would like to suggest that, theologically, virginity can be recovered. As the Scriptures proclaim, when God forgives us, our sins are wiped out and forgotten. The grace of God is able to turn the blackest of sins "as white as snow" (Isaiah 1: 18). I often tell this to remarried couples, as well as to singles who have been sexually promiscuous in the past. God is really good at forgiving, and the Scriptures do not say that God will only cleanse you as white as a peach. In His eyes you are pure, and because of that you are free to wear white on your wedding day. In a spiritual sense, you have recovered your virginity; God sees your sins as fully cleansed, turned white as snow.

But can such a sense of purity be recovered in an emotional, personal way? This was the question that began this chapter and the question that burned in Paula's heart. It is the question that torments many singles. "I know that God has forgiven me, but how can I forgive myself? How can I feel forgiven? How can I feel pure again?"

The answer is temporary celibacy. People who desire to regain a sense of purity and value need to take some time apart; they need to hide themselves sexually. They must go through the Hebrew process of asserting worth by removing the valuable object. They need to be celibate for a while in order to feel like a virgin again. To see the joy of celibacy and the power to restore one's value, read "A Single Speaks."

A SINGLE SPEAKS

Ninth grade was really the big year for me. At Christmas time in the youth group I met a boy that I really liked, and I could tell he liked me. He was 17 (a senior), and I was 14 (a freshman). We went out in groups first for about four months. Then we finally went on an official date. I was so scared! He had tried to kiss me before, but I would turn my head. So on this date, he finally kissed me. I was excited and scared all at the same time. That began a relationship that lasted one and one-half years. Over the first year, kissing progressed to touching to oral sex... and finally to intercourse.

He told me it was OK to have sex if you were going to get married. He also said you were still a virgin if you didn't have intercourse. I didn't really believe the part about intercourse. I figured if you were having oral sex, you were having sex--but I justified it because I believed with all my heart that we would marry, and I loved him very much.

By the time of my junior year, things were getting old. I wanted to be a high schooler; he wanted to be in college. So we broke up. I wanted to break up, but I felt so much guilt over it because now we weren't going to get married. I felt like I had sinned....

As time went on and more relationships ensued, sex was nearly always a part of it. That first relationship seemed further and further away. I viewed it as a time of innocence and youthfulness. By the time I was 19, I felt old and weathered. I hated men. I was bitter, a hardened shell. I attributed my state of mind to betrayal. The men in my life had betrayed me. I felt like a victim, and my retaliation was bitterness and hatred. By that time, I had slept with probably ten different men, some of whom I can't even remember any more.

At this point, Christ rescued me. My first boyfriend got in touch with me again. I turned my life over to Christ, and we began to date again. He wanted to remain abstinent, but I didn't understand why (sex with him was a good thing). But I followed his lead, and my ideas changed over time. I think God gave me a new virginity.

My bitterness toward men slowly dissipated. We married two years later. God has restored me. However, I still have those memories of the past that I try to forget because I am ashamed of my behavior. I had no idea I was selling myself cheaply. I just felt like a victim of circumstances. My own lack of self-esteem was directly related to my lack of sexual control. I desperately wanted to be loved and cared for. I never really felt loved for myself, except by my husband. I'm just so glad God pulled me up and gave me a new start.

HOW TEMPORARY IS CELIBACY?

Note carefully that, since most singles eventually will marry, celibacy is only for a while. I am not advocating that singles take a vow of celibacy as a permanent, lifelong lifestyle. We are not hoping to establish a new order of evangelical monasteries and convents. As Jesus well knew, very few persons were called to be celibate for a lifetime. Only those few are called to a permanent celibacy. But all singles are called to a temporary celibacy. This is not a lifelong, eternal vow. It is a temporary decision to withdraw from sexual activity as a way of regaining a sense of personal worth and purity.

Temporary celibacy begins with a decision. If a single adult wanted to be active sexually but couldn't find a date for six months, this would not constitute what I am calling temporary celibacy. One cannot be intentionally celibate by default. Though such a person has been without sex for a while, he/she hasn't been celibate mentally. Instead, he has been active mentally, working at the game. If a hunter has been on a deer hunt but was unsuccessful, we still refer to him as a hunter. Just because he has not fired a shot does not mean he is an animal-rights activist. In the same way, it takes more than a stretch of what a sexual hunter might call "bad luck" to call one celibate. It takes a personal and voluntary decision.

CAN ONLY WOMEN BE VIRGINS?

From our earlier discussion of the Hebrew words for "virgin," you may conclude that biblical virginity applies only to women and that women are saddled with both the responsibility to assert their value and the sacrifice in order to protect it. I didn't correct this mistaken assumption at some of my early seminars and received several reminders as a result.

One woman wrote, "This system of separating the girls seems to be unfair to the girls. Why not expect the same accountability from the boys? Are boys better? More valuable to God? Why not expect the same sacrifices from boys!" Another woman called the seminar "sexist" and offered this concise response: "My main suggestion to improve the seminar is: Don't look at this issue as putting the burden of chastity on women.

This perception was quite puzzling to me--I had consciously tried to present a balanced view. I was quite careful to balance the stories, so that men and women were both represented. My language was not sexist. So I looked deeply at the implications of my statements about women/maidens guarding themselves as treasures.

The problem, I think, came in dealing with the Old Testament and its view of gender and sexual relations. Anyone who reads the Old Testament today will notice its pronounced patriarchal emphasis. It is not news that the Hebrew culture described in the Old Testament Scriptures was very sexist. The male leaders of family units held the vast majority of the rights, and women were regarded as possessions of these male leaders. Husbands, for instance, were able to divorce their wives, whereas most wives had no such privilege. Polygamy by men was the accepted norm; polygamy by women (technically called polyandry) was not allowed. Only males could serve as priests, and only men could enter the inner court of the temple. When the census was taken, only men of fighting age (twenty years old and above) were counted. In these and numerous other ways, women were victims of discrimination.

However, the women did not often object to this system. In the highly nomadic and difficult life led by those ancient peoples, the patriarchal system provided a stable and workable social structure that is difficult for us to understand.

The harsh reality of life precluded anyone's being able to survive alone; an extended family or clan was necessary for survival. There were no grocery stores, clothing outlets, nursing homes, or hospitals. Every need--especially food, clothing, and shelter--had to be provided by the family or tribe. Because of this, neither single men nor single women could have survived alone. Because strength and power meant survival during this period of savagery and warfare, a tribe could survive only if it were capable of protecting itself. A weak tribe did not survive, except as slaves. Because of these and many other factors, patriarchalism was the cultural norm that existed during this era.

The Mosaic law did not critique this deeply embedded system of male dominance but instead showed how any authority had to submit to an even higher authority--that of God. (This is similar to the way the New Testament did not critique the social system of slavery; to do so would have deprived many slaves of the ability to make a living. Instead, masters were told to submit to a higher authority, the Lord Jesus.) Even though the Mosaic law did not critique a social system, that does not imply approval. In fact, a good argument can be made that the New Testament corrects this misunderstanding; in Christ, both males and females are equal (Galatians 3:28).

So how are we to view the social system in regard to virginity? Since only young women had to separate and hide themselves in the Hebrew culture, are we to conclude that the responsibility for sexual purity today rests mainly on the women? Or can we extend the benefits of hiding and separating to the male sex?

Clearly, it makes no sense to restrict virginity to females, because that would suggest that only women develop their sense of self-worth through how they are treated physically. As we have seen, men also feel devalued and contaminated when celibacy outside of marriage is abandoned. Men also can recover their sense of personal and physical worth through a period of extended, temporary celibacy. So the advantages of celibacy apply equally to both sexes, even though in the Old Testament these advantages were enjoyed only by the women.

Both single men and single women are valuable, and their value is best protected and asserted by celibacy. And in order to feel valuable and to appreciate their own worth, both sexes need to pay a price, both need to sacrifice, both need to remain celibate until marriage.

Today, the value of virginity can apply equally to both sexes. Both men and women are privileged to be able to recover a sense of worth and purity, what some people are calling today a secondary virginity. But for me, there is nothing secondary about it. In God's eyes, if you are pure, then you are pure.

It doesn't matter whether you are pure because you have been well-hidden or because you have been well-forgiven. God forgives and makes sin "as white as snow." The feeling of purity and worthiness before God is an experience available to both male and female singles, with equal costs and equal benefits.

A HAPPY ENDING

I am happy to say that Paula was able to achieve a happy ending. She made a decision to change her lifestyle of sexual involvement With others, to separate herself. It was, of course, a very difficult thing to do. At times she felt unloved and unwanted. She often felt out of control and helpless. But in time, she began to feel a sense of pride in herself again and a sense of spiritual cleanliness. By voluntarily abstaining from sexual activity for a time, she regained a sense of purity.

In her own words, "I always felt that celibacy meant being unlovely and unwanted. The last thing on my mind was to do without sexual involvement with men. So I went to bed with them, but I'd wake up feeling cheap anyway!

"After trying everything else, my eyes were finally opened to the real value of celibacy. I've been celibate for a year now, and I feel great. I am proud of myself! I'm not a floozy anymore. I'm someone special.

"I've also fallen in love with a man and haven't slept with him! That's a big change for me. We are very sexually attracted to one another, but we still keep to our standards. And you know, I know it sounds crazy, but I feel more sexual with him than I have with any other man! It's like the celibacy makes us appreciate one another more.

"In addition to that, I feel pure with him. I know this is a relationship that is honoring God and is building on the right foundations. Bill loves me for the person I am, not just for a sex partner. And he's lucky to have me--I'm a valuable woman again! And if our relationship continues to grow and we decide to marry, I've decided to wear a white wedding dress. Just like you always say, Rick--God doesn't forgive our sins as white as peach!"

Many singles have made discoveries just like Paula. Through temporary celibacy, they have discovered a new sense of worth. Through abstinence, they have found a new feeling of purity. These men and women are proud of themselves too, and they have reason to be. They were wise enough to take advantage of one of God's more surprising opportunities. They discovered themselves, and now they have something positive to give to someone else if they choose.

Celibacy is an opportunity that God offers to all single adults. It is a harbor of recovery and renewal, a place where value can be found. It is a harbor that Paula and many others have navigated successfully. Remember, a voluntary period of sexual abstinence will let you set yourself aside and regain a sense of value and self-worth. It will let you develop a new feeling of purity. It is a gift of God, a blessing in disguise. These are the advantages to temporary celibacy, and together they make up the positive side of single sexuality--the positive reason why singles can desire to be temporarily celibate until marriage. Hannah was a lovely, sixty-five-year-old single woman who had the desire to remain celibate until marriage, but she had two boy- friends, each pressuring her to go to bed with them. She struggled with the relationships for some time, thinking that maybe she was being old-fashioned. When she discovered that her celibacy was a way of protecting and asserting her worth, she found the strength to confront these men. I'll always remember and treasure what she told me, as she took my arm, led me to a corner of the room, and whispered to me. "Rick, remember that conversation we had about my two boy-friends who were pressuring me sexually? Well, I finally broke up with both of them!"

"What?" I whispered back. "I thought you liked them?"

"I did," she said. "But I realized that if they were pressuring me to go to bed, they didn't really value me for who I was and what I wanted. So I told them both, 'Hey, I'm a million dollar table! I'm not going to let you scratch my surface anymore!"'

CHAPTER FIVE

THANKS FOR VISITING! GOD BLESS YOU!

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