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THE CARRION EATERS

"being in the service, if you dont take advantage of such situations you are a bloody fool" that was a fighter pilot ( he was with the MIGs) giving me a piece of advice in the typical fouji way. and on his own initiative he managed to get me a seat in an an32 from bagdogra in the north east to cochin, directly across the country, i made the trip in just six hours rather than the five or six days it takes by train. it was the early eightees and i was in a set up where they give you two months' annual leave.

every body is happy when their turn to go on leave comes - family reunions and home life and all such. for any normal person a free air trip all the way home would have been real heaven. over and above avoiding the ordeals of a train journey, many a time made without advanced reservation, you get five more days to spend with your family at home.

but in my case there was a catch! for me it meant i had to find sleeping accommodation for five more nights - i did not have a home to go to! (and no, you cannot spend your annual leave in field areas.)

i mentioned a surgeon who had rendered me a lot of help on another web page. in one of my annual leave period he managed to get me a house on hire for two months. that was the coolest annual leave i ever had. i am really obliged - i never forget a good turn some one has done me and deeply regret if there is nothing i can do in return. of course that applies to bad turns as well.

how come jyothi, you are what they call a "swayambhoo" or something?
not at all, it is a long story. and now that people are not giving me a choice i have to put it in the public domain.

i am a loner and have been living alone for the last thirty years or so. the last time i had been to the house that was supposed to be my home was in 1975. it is not that i left out of my own sweet will and pleasure; i was told in so many words that i was not wanted there. the message was conveyed through a third person by the owner of the house "avanote ingott varandanne paranje, enikku pennkuttikalokke ullathannu; paisa vennamengil ayachu kotukkam". i am not blaming any body. he had a very good reason and i can understand his feelings. all the same i cannot believe that he would have made the decision on his own; my hunch is that it was the american "dollar" speaking through his mouth.

whatever that may be, the fact was that i was completely written off. and perhaps that was the thing that coaxed me to carry on. from then on the relationship had degenerated to just a monetary one - or was it like that for the other parrty from the very beginning? i did take his money but i have repaid every single pice with interest with my hard earned money.

you uproot a green house plant and throw it in to the arid desert, in the natural course of events the plant shrivels up and dies. but in my case the unexpected happened - i sprouted roots and thrived. and it was ridiculous to find my "relatives" trying to reclaim me! for me they do not exist any more. my good bye for all practical purposes was final. the black-sheep has left never to return.

life has never been a bed of roses for me. especially so in the last thirty years. i have put up with all the difficult situations and tackled them on my own and never budged even against tremendous odds.

DENGUE FEVER

as recently as 2003, in my rented house in trivandrum, i had an attack of fever supposed to be dengue. after three days of severe fever i woke up the third morning and walked to the bath room to rinse my mouth. the next thing i remember is that i was lying flat on floor; the tiled cold bath room floor was a real comfort to the feverish body. i got up and went back to bed. i have no idea for exactly how many minutes i was unconscious.

by next day all my provisions had finished. i took out my vehicle, drove to the market at tremendous risk to myself and others and restocked my larder. i survived.

i did not go to anybody for help. i would have loved to be nursed back to health. but i knew there was no one who really cared. i dont know how i developed this stoic temperament, a far cry from the kid who after a fall in the mahe river wailed asking for his mother; may be that is what life has taught me.

WHEN THE GOING GETS TOUGH

i have spent nine days in incarceration while on deputation with a para military set up under the home ministry. it was what you call house arrest; but for all practical purposes and legalities it is the same as putting you in jail. i was facing a charge that could have sent me to prison for the next six years. once sentenced you loose all privileges and will be sent to the nearest civil prison.

did i go to anybody for help? did i cringe for mercy? the answer is a firm NO. i fought it out on my own and did not run to my "relatives", or anybody else for that matter, for help and succour. that was in 1990. the ordeal lasted almost one year. but i came out with flying colours - when the going gets tough, the tough get going .

there was one more thing. it was my parent set up that decides the case (and not the police men) and there you do get justice. that is far more than what i can say about certain other establishments i had recently become familiar with.

AT HOME though all ALONE

i have gone through all these and more alone - i did not have even a god to lean on to. my life and my liberties were at stake; but i did not budge and never will. there is no question of my going back to my "relatives" - that is final

ENEMY's FRIENDs

now, the problem is whenever i manage to eke out a living, the so called "relatives" land up here, many a time on the sly, and make a mess of things. incidentally most of these characters are perfect strangers to me and i may not even be able to recognize them. they are in league with the chaarans and their information about me is the data that the chaarans feed them - enemy's friends are enemies.

certain relationships cannot be wished away. but i can assure you, none of the so called "relatives" of mine have any moral right whatsoever, to meddle in my affairs. if they are doing so at this stage in my life it is not out of any regards for me and can only mean one thing:

they are after carrion

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sabre tibia

i have a healed stress fracture on my leg - you ask the c_fraternity of mct and tthey will diagnose it immediately - "sabre tibia". i have been on patrol duties in areas that included mountain ranges at 17000 feet - you can find photographs of this (taken when things cooled down a bit) on my web pges. after every third step even the healthiest of us had to stop to regain breath.

i have not only read of HAPO, but have diagnosed many cases. ( treatment of course is simple - oxygen inhalation and evacuation to a lower altitude at the earliest oppertunity!). and not only hapo, heat stroke as well!

the army really saps you; that way i am glad - i have earned my salary, every single rupee of it! i was not exactly swatting flies in "one of the finest teaching institutions in kerala ( or is it in the world?)" singing "jeena yaham, marna yaham; iske siva jaana kaham!"

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my real home

i grew up in my paternal grand parents place and all through was with them rather than with my parents. many a time the old couple and me with the maid were the only residents in that big house.

i have lot of obligations to this grandfather of mine. over and above the material aspects he was the one who initiated me into the three Rs, indeed my first teacher and introduced me to the scriptures. and may be the basic reason for my developing the reading habit.

the first time i left that house was once i got admission to the professional course.

soon my parents shifted to a house of their own; but that house means nothing to me and i have altogether spent less than a couple of months there,

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tease

later it became one of the biggest weapons of my class mates against me. even mukundan mash ( my class teacher ) once teased me with a chuckle, "entheda, ammena kannano?" - and the students loved it.

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"affair"

later i was supposed to have an affair with the maid while i was still in my teens and she indeed claimed that it was i who got her into "trouble" - i wish i really did !

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