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More than one person has told me I look like Jack Nance from the movie Eraserhead. I can't blame them for being honest, because I'll tell you, I see more than just a slight resemblance here. Unfortunately, my hair doesn't quite look like that nowadays. Ah, the lamentation of lost youth. It's pretty much either flattened down or fallen out, depending on where you're looking. Nonetheless, Eraserhead lives on as a shining example to the genius that is David Lynch, and by "the genius that is David Lynch," I am, of course, referring to psychedelic mushrooms. If you're going to watch this movie, make sure that you don't have any near you, or that you have plenty of them in arm's reach. I'm not sure which, because I don't think it matters. If, like everyone else, you don't understand Eraserhead, try the Online Guide to Eraserhead. If you've never seen the movie, don't even think about going to the link. It's strictly for people who:

• Love David Lynch (and want more zany ideas).
• Hate David Lynch (and want further proof he's a nutcase).
• Don't know if they love or hate David Lynch (and may never be certain for that matter).

My guess is that you're probably in the third category. Try though I might, I don't think I'll ever understand what the hell that man is thinking...but I like it.

Her time of death was estimated between midnight and 4 a.m. An autopsy revealed that she took cocaine, had sexual relations with three men and was tied up twice on the night of her death. Further examination revealed a small piece of plastic in her stomach inscribed with the letter "J" and a small "r" on a piece of newsprint embedded under a fingernail. Her death rocked the employees of the Double-R Diner, Big Ed's Gas Farm, and Horne's Department Store. For ten points, name this murdered homecoming queen from Twin Peaks High School.

This was a question from the tenth round of the Manute Bowl, a pop culture trivia tournament held in the Cathedral of Learning in Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania that I was fortunate enough to attend in November 1997. I did not answer this question, although I was certain the answer was "Laura Palmer." Someone on the opposing team beat me to it, and I have regretted it ever since. You see, nobody beats me to a Twin Peaks question. Or so I thought.

The great thing about Twin Peaks is that it makes no sense whatsoever...yet you are compelled to try to figure out its idiosyncracies. Why do we never see Diane? Could she just be a figment of Agent Cooper's imagination? What's the deal with BOB? Why can't I find an interior decorator who can make my rumpus room look like the Black Lodge?

For those of you who haven't the slightest clue as to what I'm babbling on about, relax. Neither do I. Someone made the mistake/great idea of giving David Lynch a primetime TV show on a major network, and Twin Peaks is the result. While it is no longer on the air, you may still be able to find an episode here or there available for rental, and I suggest you do. To delve deeper into this bizzare hullaballoo of strange people who are just normal-looking enough to avoid your suspicion on a crowded city street, try TwinPeaks.org. It's a terrific site that can tell you twisted stories of pure evil. It's also Lynx-friendly.

I think there might be a connection.

Mmmm. C++. It's a programming language. It's a perfect logical labyrinth. For some, it's a way of life. While I may not dedicate every waking moment to churning out overloaded functions and class declarations, I certainly have been in sore need of a compiler at times. June '98 comes readily to mind. When it comes to compiling great code -- and I've written some duesies -- I don't just use, I need CodeWarrior. While some may not like CodeWarrior (and I'll admit that in the past it's made me want to shoot myself), it's hand over fist over head and shoulders better than Microsoft's sorry excuse for a compiler: Visual C++ 5.0. If you want to code C++, it's mostly a matter of picking your poison. But take it from me -- CodeWarrior's the sweetest cyanide I've ever tasted.

Page 3. To own the movie of your dreams is to touch the boundaries of Heaven itself.

Previous updates:

8/29/98. Page 4. Thanks to E.T.C., I've finally written the Twin Peaks vignette the way it was originally intended.

7/28/98. Page 3. Conan was in Coneheads. But you'll never see him. Isn't that irritating?


7/11/98. Page 2. Turns out I really do own all of Dave Barry's books. Go figure.


7/8/98. Page 3. I procured my Parker Posey poster from the post office pretty promptly.

I want to thank you for taking the time to read my personal page. I put a lot of work into it, and I hope that you walked away with, at the very least, a bookmark or two. Have a nice day, and y'all come back now, y'hear?

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