The respectable Snow White has for the first time spoken about her being stalked by one of the seven dwarfs. On the street, she is constantly being followed by the little pervert, who wears sunglasses and a burglar's cap. Snow White said that she is having strange phonecalls with a distorted voice calling her "sexy legs", singing the Dwarf Song and speaking abusive language. The police are investigating the case.

Farting illegal in Mali

People with a tendecy to fart should reconsider taking a vacation in Mali, says a spokesman of Front Against Repression and Torture (FART). Ever since Mali's ex-president Pakolo blew up when he accidently farted (for the first time in his life), farting is a criminal offence in Mali. FART wants Western civilization to boycott the African country. Brown beans should no longer be exported to Mali.

Saddam Husayn blows up speakers

Another case of domestic violence in Iraq. Secret agents have confirmed that Iraq's dictator Saddam Husayn is a huge fan of Judas Priest and destroyed audio equipment. They know this because they tapped a phonecall in which Saddam played Judas Priest music so loud for his friend to hear it that the speakers blew up. Husayn considers this an act of war and declares war to all audio manufacturers in the world. The friend didn't like Judas Priest and was found killed the next day.

Moon Gazette bankrupt

The recently established Moon Gazette is bankrupt since there is absolutely no news to be found on Earth's only satellite. The newspaper's editors had to make up all the quasi-facts they published in their Moon Gazette, such as: 'Strange, invisible creatures found on dark side of the moon' or 'Moon dust sometimes tastes like French cheese'. The Moon Gazette reporters are said to have found new work at an electronic newspaper (Yeah Right!)

Clerk becomes famous unwillingly

A 28-year-old clerk from Laos (Asia) says he becomes more famous every day. He says, "people on the streets recognize me, say hello or ask for an autograph. I don't understand it. I'm just a clerk working in a grocery-store." The man doesn't look like a famous Hollywood actor or supermodel at all. He is a very mediocre Asian. "I don't wanna be famous, I wanna be rich." So he decided to put his face for sale for $ 1 million.

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Where is Osama Bin Laden?

It has occured to me that Osama Bin Laden is a very hot topic in the media these days. All the (parody) newspapers have at least one article about him.
Can you imagine what it must feel like to know that you are hunted down by the best special forces in the world and that you will be brought to justice, propably meaning that you will be sentenced to death? I almost feel sorry for him.
So where is this madman? He is probably spending a lot of time with his children, perhaps celebrating Christmas with them, because he will never see them again when he is found. I would go to Hawaii, because of the weather and the beaches. Imagine Osama jumping around in a tropical shirt and shorts in the sea during the day, having a Bloody Mary or Tequila Sunrise during the night. He sure could use a vacation now. Wherever you are right now, Osama, be sure you have lots of fun for your last days are counted.

"Dear editor,
first of all I would like to say I really like to read this stuff you call a newszine. I agree that it is pretty wacky from a certain point of view. However, I think it is not funny at all to make fun of mister Stephen Hawking. This man already has enough suffering to do. You should not make fun of the handicapped. If you ever do that again, I am gonna personally break your legs.
Yours truly,
Eric G.-H."