Hi you guys! I haven't been here for awhile. On and off you know. CHinese New Year's just past. I really did had quite fun a bit. Last night I was talking to my best friend, "Kent". =) I haven't to make a nickname for him. Hehe. Well, we both chit chatted throughout the night till 3. I told him all my frustration and stress out situation. I really don't know what am I doing here. I just want to do well in school, but why am I not trying? I really don't want a boyfriend anymore. As for Trung, it kept me thinking all the time. Why am i with him in the first place? I know I've asked and answered that question before, but how would I know if that's really the answer? I don't know. I really don't know. After I broke up with Dereck... I really didn't want to jump into a relationship quite so quick yet. But I don't want myself to think that I'm a sort of trash. Ugh. *sighs* I don't know. I don't want to talk to Trung anymore either. The only thing after he dropped me off, that day, I only call him to wake him up. Exactly, to what he told me, he just want to hear my sweet voice. I really want to avoid him, but i just can't stop myself for having a habit talking to him. Is me and him just really cool friends w/ benefit when we think we're boyfriend and girlfriend? I do care for him a lot. When I say, "I love you." That's when I mean it,but when he says it to me I get chills for some reason. It's like as if I'm not ready for this relationship. One of my friend told me, "Three months... I say you two are just dating." Dating?!?! If we were dating I wouldn't do so much in this dating shiet. *sighs* Everytime when he talk to some girl on the phone, I have to be quiet. That's so fucked up. Am I his girlfriend or just a girl to fling with? He could make me jealous, but don't be so harsh like that to me. I even told all my guy friends that I have a boyfriend and they understand. See? How hard can that be? I still talk to them as if my boyfriend isn't the priority key of this friendship. I really don't want to lose anyone. All can be best but not much can keep. It's hard. Throughout the whole time when I was talking to "Kent", he made me laugh even he doesn't know how to solve my prob. At least he listens. I wonder how Vinh is doing. He haven't called me for quite awhile. I wanna call him but then his phone was turned off. *sighs* I really don't know what I'm doing. Why am i going to school? Why am i just sitting here and not be in class? I guess I'm stupid. ALso, I went and took my permit test. Fuck, i failed. I'm such a failure. Seriously. Just four easy question then I would have 4 wrong and then pass this freaking test. This Friday I'm going to take it agian. Yes, agian. Freaking, I hope i pass this time. Then I'll start driving around and look for jobs. Yes. JObs. Well, enough said. I miss you. I miss you. But who do i miss? *tears*

Tuesday, January 21, 2003

wow, let's see... not much to say today... just school... home.... and jobless... broke... unemployed...nothing.. nada... Is it true when one guy says to another girl his love  for her will never change and that he would never find another girl just like her? Is that true? Then when he starts another relationship with another girl and is happy with her, so does that mean his love has change? Does that mean... it was only the time being "my love will never change"? *sighs* I don't really know. Exactly I don't even understand anything. What is love? Can someone just define it for me... word for word? Can a guy fall for someone and then got rejected... and move on... would that define him as "falling too easy"? *sighs* All guys and girls go through the same thing when it comes to relationship. They all have thier difficult times... for me... I don't really know about mines. Why did i really choose to stay with this guy? There's so many guys out there that are way educated than him... are successful in life... *ha!* taller than him.... likes and care for me... *not saying that my bf doesn't care or loves me* I know he loves me with all his heart... but I must say, he HAS been through a lot throughout all his relationships. Through good times and bad times. I've heard of em and read em. Well, I'm not sure what else i shoud say right now... everything doesn't make any sense... Friday, January 17, 2003 ^_^ HI HI!!! ANyways, it's been quite a long ass time that i haven't been back here... anything changed? hmmm... I guess not! Haha, well, just coming back because one of my friends was online last night and read my away message! HONG!!! GRRR... she told me that my journals were boring! Of course! It doesn't make any sense! hehehe... I just type "watever" that comes to mind... hehe.. anyways, me at school now doing watever on the internet sitting next to Hongie. "hi" hehe... hmmm... Well, not much been happening... got drunk on new year's eve... went to SJ last weekend and didnt' come home till 3... uh.. what else... school started already and it's going eh... ok? i think.. I'm broke and looking for a job.. even my bf... ugh... I'm helping him looking for jobs and trying to get him back to school... he can't do shiet... well, i'm not being mean or anything... seem like he doesn't want to help himself out on what he wants to do.. get it? you feel me? *sighs* oh wells... Man, his bitchy mother and sister... hopefully he doesn't read this... calling his mom a bitch... well, not really a "bitch" but... an undecided mother... she doesn't even care about her kids... if she didn't want them kids, why even let them enter this world and make all of them suffer? *sighs* Well, i'm always there for Trung... *i love you hunnie* Monday, December 16, 2002 Let's see... hmm... finals this week... ugh... how sad... anyways, *wow* this month went by just so quick and year 2003 is coming up... any new years party? hmm... maybe, dono... William has his court session right now and i'm worried that I don't really know when will i see him, hopefully today. Hopefully he'll be home with the family... i miss my brother a lot. He's been gone for quite long time, so hopefully he comes home today and i'll give him a great big hug. "I miss you william. You'll always be the best older brother i ever have!" Well, what else... ugh, don't know what else to say beside it's so hot in here. I think the people put on the heater too much and too hot. ugh, gotta take off my jacket.. hehehe...okay, i just strip... hahaha... well, not much to say today.. hmm... yeah, not much.... shiet i didn't know "maid in manhattan" is out already... shoot thought it was in christmas or something... well gotta go now! bai! Yennie Friday, December 13, 2002 [8:32am] heyz! *wow* today is quite rainy... shucks! But i'm glad... I have someone to spend some time with me to keep me warm... ::hugs:: miss you babe... Wish i could help your problem out, but I've got no dineros... *sighs* it does sucks... like sucks sometimes, but you gotta find a way to pay things up, you know? man, i need a job to help people out... I see myself being successful so i guess I should try to work hard in school. Really hard... just hopefully i don't hurt myself... hehe... well, not much to say. just listening to this one korean song... sounds nice, but i dono who's the singer. well, gotta go now! *waves* bai << previous posts