What
matters is not the length of the wand, but the magic in the stick.
My
understanding of women goes only as far as the pleasures.
My wife is a
sex object - every time I ask for sex, she objects.
It's the good
girls who keep diaries; the bad girls never have the time.
A girl phoned
me the other day and said ... Come on over, there's nobody home. I went
over. Nobody was home
He who laughs last thinks
slowest.
Everyone has a photographic
memory. Some don't have film.
A day without sunshine is like,
well, night.
On the other hand you have
different fingers.
Change is inevitable except
from a vending machine.
I just got lost in thought. It
was unfamiliar territory.
When the chips are down, the
buffalo is empty.
Seen it all, done it all, can't
remember most of it.
Those who live by the sword...
get shot by those who don't.
I feel like I'm diagonally
parked in a parallel universe.
He's not dead... he's
electroencephalographically challenged.
You have the right to remain
silent. Anything you say will be misquoted, then used against you.
I wonder how much deeper the
ocean would be without sponges.
Honk if you love peace and
quiet.
Despite the cost of living,
have you noticed how it remains so popular?
Nothing is foolproof to a
sufficiently talented fool.
It is hard to understand how a
cemetery raised its burial cost and blamed it on the cost of living.
The 50-50-90 rule: Anytime you
have a 50-50 chance of getting something right, there's a 90% probability
you'll get it wrong.
It is said that if you line up
all the cars in the world end to end, someone would be stupid enough to
try and pass them.
You can't have
everything....where would you put it?
Latest survey shows that 3 out
of 4 people make up 75% of the world's population.
The things that come to those
who wait, may be the things left by those who got there first.
A fine is a tax for doing
wrong. A tax is a fine for doing well.
It was recently discovered that
research causes cancer in rats.
I wished the buck stopped here
as I could use a few.
I started out with nothing, and
I still have most of it.
Light travels faster than
sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.