Desires

Legitimate wars to ask for love.

4/16/94 Godly desire for love:

1. Desire praise for all and not just for yourself more than others.
2. Admit that you desire praise. Denial distorts and makes you act weird.
3. Love praise of God more than men. Let love and wisdom rule. Praise from righteous people encourages righteousness.

Qualifier Laugh at yourself with love and respect. "Hey Mom, Look at me!"

John 12:42-43 ~ Legitimate method for obtaining love. We must love the praise of God more than the praise of men. Hypocrites pretend to not love praise of men. Job 29: Job loved the praise of God more than the praise of men; however, Job did not pretend to not love the praise of men.

Demand vs. Desire We don't demand praise. It is important to give praise and attention when the person is not having a problem. To feel loved and affirmed is a legitimate prayer request. When we praise someone rightly it is the praise of God for that person. Love talk is necessary for correction. True praise comes from people who know you. It is important to affirm the people close to you more than strangers who shine. This is praise from God.

Feeling good about yourself vs. Arrogance Arrogant people think that they are better than others. Thinking that you are worse than others is arrogance in reverse.

Manipulation ~ Illegitimate ways of getting love:

1. Uproar Making a scene - Stealing attention from someone else.
2. Problems or illnesses
3. Touchy easily offended Make people walk on eggshells.
4. Intimidation and punishment Bullying
5. Self-depreciation et. "I never do anything right." Fishing for compliments. Col. 2: 20-22 False humility

4/24/94 Legitimate ways of getting love Building a community of love In some groups you can successfully communicate your needs but nobody really cares. We are trying to change this. It will almost always feel like you are giving more than you receive; however, the more you give, you build the community of love. -

1. Be honest about what you want. Never say, "If you can't figure it out, I'm not going to tell you." or "If I have to ask, I don't want it." You don't have to fight and beg for what you want but you must fight for the community of love. God knows out needs better than anyone else but He wants us to ask.
2. Ask in clear gentle bold requests.
3. Don't nag but remind from time to time. Romance is not a lie. It takes coaching. It is a lie to think that people will know what you want without being coached. A real gift is what someone wants to receive. We have to guard against taking things for granted. We are building a conspiracy of love. We all get lazy from time to time and take more than we give especially where family is concerned.

We can mature into great lovers or something else. Some things we can give are 1.flowers 2. Dates to talk (and the other person listens) 3.help 4. prayer 5. appreciation 4. Eating out 5. Etc. There are two ways of negotiating: 1. bargaining 2. Each person giving as much as possible whether you get anything in return or not.

Manipulation tries to take away the other person's choice. Most of the time we operate with mixed motives. It is not wrong to see personal benefit in right actions. Yet, we need to give whether we get the benefit or not. Sometimes people try to out-spiritualize God. It is still wrong to demand.

Marry the one you love but you must also love the one you marry. It gives God pleasure to give us pleasure. Psalms 36:6 Things God wants us to enjoy. It is selfish if you expect more for yourself than others.