Just For Laughs!!!

Feeling a little down? Need something to make you Laugh?? Well then this is the page for you! I have lots of people who email me jokes of all kinds. So I thought I would share a few with everyone on the 'net! Heard any good jokes lately? Want to share them with someone? Send 'em to me and if they are truly funny I will post them here! Never know who may pop in for a peep... so try to keep 'em general audience type jokes, OK?

Ads in Bills: Have you ever noticed that they put advertisements in with your bills now? Like bills aren't distasteful enough, they have to stuff junk mail in there with them. I get back at them. I put garbage in with my check when I mail it in. Coffee grinds, banana peels... I write, "Could you throw this away for me? Thank you."

-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-

Phone-in Polls: You know those shows where people call in and vote on different issues? Did you ever notice there's always like 18% "I don't know". It costs 90 cents to call up and vote... They're voting "I don't know." "Honey, I feel very strongly about this." Give me the phone. (Into phone) I DON'T KNOW! (hangs up, looking proud) Sometimes you have to stand up for what you believe you're not sure about."

***************



Reverse Life Cycle: The most unfair thing about life is the way it ends. I mean, life is tough. It takes up a lot of your time. What do you get at the end of it? A death. What's that, a bonus? I think the life cycle is all backwards. You should die first, get it out of the way. Then you live in an old age home. You get kicked out when you're too young, you get a gold watch, you go to work. You work forty years until you're young enough to enjoy your retirement. You do drugs, alcohol, you party, you get ready for high school. You go to grade school, you become a kid, you play, you have no responsibilities, you become a little baby, you go back into the womb, you spend your last nine months floating... you finish off as a gleam.

*****************

Fabric Softener: My wife uses fabric softener. I never knew what that stuff was for. Then I noticed women were coming up to me (sniff) 'Married' (walk off). That's how they mark their territory. You can take off that ring, but it's hard to get that April fresh scent out of your clothes.

*************


Award Shows: Can you believe how many award shows they have now? They have awards for commercials. The Cleo Awards. A whole show full of commercials. I taped it and then I fast-forwarded through the whole thing.

*************


Cripes: My wife's from the Mid-west. Very nice people there. Very wholesome. They use words like 'Cripes.' For Cripe's sake. Who would that be, Jesus Cripes? The son of 'Gosh?' of the church of 'Holy Moly'. I'm not making fun of it. You think I wanna burn in 'Heck'?

*********************


Pregnancy: It's weird when pregnant women feel the baby kicking. They say, 'Oh my god." He's kicking. Do you wanna feel it?' I always feel awkward reaching over there. Come on! It's weird to ask someone to feel your stomach. I don't do that when I have gas. "Oh my god... Give me your hand... It won't be long now..."



*******************


Grandma: My grandmother has a bumper sticker on her car that says, 'Sexy Senior Citizen'. You don't want to think of your grandmother that way, do you? Out entering wet shawl contests. Makes you wonder where she got that dollar she gave you for your birthday.

**************


An Amish boy and his father were visiting a mall. They were amazed by almost everything they saw, but especially by two shiny, silver walls that could move apart and back together again. The boy asked his father, "What is this, father?" The father (never having seen an elevator) responded, "Son, I have never seen anything like this in my life; I don't know what it is." While they were watching wide eyed, an old lady in a wheel chair rolled up to the moving walls and pressed a button. The walls opened and the lady rolled between them and into a small room. The walls closed and the boy and his father watched small circles of light with numbers above the wall light up. They continued to watch the circles light up in the reverse direction. The walls opened up again and a beautiful 24 year old woman stepped out. The father said to his son, " Go get your Mother."

***************************
More Jokes HERE

© 1998-99 mompeepers@hotmail.com
Send me your Jokes today!






Please take a moment to visit my....


You could get a nice gift if you sign it...


Visit some of my other pages:
MomPeepers' Ultimate Index


This page hosted by Get your own Free Home Page